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i was thinking about that last night and i realized there's a difference between
running away from something and running towards something. and i also realized
that i've experienced the difference between the two over the past few weeks.
sometimes we say we want to be "anywhere but here," or, "i'll talk to anybody
but him/her." we don't have a specific goal in mind, but we know that we don't
want what we've got. and for a while i was so frustrated here that i was just
aching to get the hell away from here. there were days when i thought, "anywhere
has got to be better than here!"
and although i think there are times and places in my life for feeling like that
(knowing that i need to get away, but not knowing exactly where to get away to),
i realized that's not how i wanted to leave this place. i don't want to walk
away with a chip on my shoulder and a huge grudge in my heart. pats hasn't
changed since i last wrote. even this past week, things have gone on that i can
only describe as "classic pats." it's still the same old story here. but even
though pats isn't changing, i am.
i now have things i am running towards. i'm heading towards my future. most of
its blanks are still empty, but i am going forward with the excitement of
getting to fill them in. i am going forward (or perhaps "backward") to who i
really am. probably one of the most frustrating and disappointing aspects of
these two years has been my feelings that i have lost "the real me." i like
change. heck, i love change. but i don't like it when it destroys what is real
and true and good. maybe i'm not making any sense . . .
i used to just want to get the heck out of here b/c i was so sick of everything
happening. but now i'm ready to leave for different reasons. instead of just
being fed up and angry, i've decided to focus on something different. i'm ready
to go not b/c i'm mad at pats; i'm ready to go because i have something better
to look forward to. i have you all. i have an empty future. i have things that
give me hope. i'm not a miraculously different person now b/c of attempting this
change in perspective, but i am trying. nor have i eliminated every ounce of
anger, resentment, and pessimism, but it's a step in the right direction.
friday night was the first of two "end of the year" parties/dances at pats.
friday's was honoring our seniors who will graduate next saturday--the school
even brought in about 40 girls from an all girls' school in town for the dance
(pats' female count is currently at 8). in two weeks we will have another sort
of dance as goodbye to all the students, staff, and pats, as a school. (but i'm
sure there will be similar festivities again in december when the last class of
students graduates from here.) the yearbooks are supposed to be delivered this
week, and like i mentioned at the beginning, i am putting together a slideshow
to show on the night we hand out the yearbooks. i know that pictures can
supposedly "say a thousand words," but i'm beginning to think that they say no
words at all. and that's what i like about them. a frozen image. no words. no
attitude. no anger. maybe that's why even some of the most frustrating people
can seem harmless in a photograph. as much of a pain as these two projects have
been to work on (the yearbook and the slideshow), i think they've been almost
therapeutic for me. maybe even making me nostalgic. as i said when i originally
mentioned putting together a yearbook, pictures have a way capturing the good
times and preserving them to the point that they can replace the memories of
less enjoyable times.
and so now i am down to my last two weeks as a pats teacher, and my last three
weeks as a resident of pohnpei. recently i packed up some of my things and
mailed them home in a box. i addressed them to myself and had to think about my
address. it seemed only natural to write pats' box number after writing my name
but i had to hesitate because it was going to me in a place other than pohnpei.
it was kinda strange.
lots of things have changed over the past two years and many more changes are on
the way. i'm excited about my last few weeks here and all the reunions that will
follow it when i return to the states. so, friends, i hope you are well. take
care.
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May 13, 2005
So . . . I'm a dork!
Really. I am. And, well, I guess I'm okay with that. Not only
do I love downloading new, wacky fonts, but then I have to find ways and reasons
to use them. Hence this recent update to my website. Well, actually,
the motivation for this update is two-fold: over the past week or two, I
have been teaching the Juniors about web page design. This has added some
new tricks to my repertoire, and given me time to think about new stuff I could
try out. And second is the new addition of some fun fonts that I wanted to
use for banners and images on the webpage. I guess I could also add a
third reason in here: I have to find something to entertain myself in the
afternoons while the Juniors are working. I'd rather not grade, so I
choose to do other things.
Baccalaureate mass is tonight
and graduation is tomorrow. WAHOOOOO!! This means I have just one
more week left. Oooops, but that also means I've got to make some exams.
doh! I guess that'll be what I do this weekend.
Unfortunately, the yearbooks
haven't made it here yet. Don't get me started on that one. But last
night I showed the end of the year movie to the students. They loved it.
I enjoyed it even more--despite being probably the 8th time I had seen it--with
them there. It was a lot of fun. Lots of laughter.
Well, I don't have much else to
say from out here. See you soon!
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May 29, 2005
Last night I arrived on Yap.
The journey from Pohnpei to here was an interesting one. I felt sort of
like Austin Powers being unfrozen after a number of years in the cryogenic
chamber. With the exception of that short Christmas retreat in Chuuk, I
haven't really been off Pohnpei in two years. One of the most interesting
things about the trip out here was the customs and immigration forms.
Where am I from? Hmmm . . . well . . . what exactly do you want to know?
I was born in Indiana. But I lived most of my life in Kentucky. Well
then I just spent two years on Pohnpei. But then I got on a plane and
stopped off in Chuuk, then on Guam. Totally confused!! When they
asked for my address, did they want the address I had been using for two years
but now is obsolete? Or did they want the address that I've recently been
plastering over boxes of various odds and ends?
This will sound really bizarre,
but I think my favorite part of the whole flying experience was the food!
Seriously! How warped is that?! From Chuuk to Guam, they served a
turkey sandwich, raisins, and two oreo cookies. I had orange juice to
drink and was totally in heaven! Then from Guam to Yap, I had a ham
sandwich, some wonderful fruit (pineapple and honeydew melon), and some chamorro
chip cookies! Again, orange juice to drink. Faaaaaaaaaaaantastic!!
After two years of the same old stuff all the time in the staff kitchen, those
little airplane meals were incredible! And when I got here last night,
that was one of the things Deirdre and I talked about. We both loved the
airplane food!
I should also mention the
enormity of the Guam airport. Guam isn't a big airport like JFK or O'Hare,
but compared to the small-scale operation they've got going on in Pohnpei, it
was pretty big to me! I mean, they've got GATES!! More than one
plane flies out of there each day!
Throughout my trip, I just had
to laugh at myself and the situation I was in. I had gone from living in
the US and traveling to many places on a regular basis, to living on a small
island and staying there for 2 years. Not only was I "stuck" on that
island, I pretty much stayed in the same one-mile radius every day! Trips
outside of the world of PATS were infrequent for me. At the time, I felt
like I was still connected to the "outside world" through email and magazines
and newspapers. But now that I'm actually in that outer world, I'm feeling
like I wasn't so connected afterall. While on Guam, I was able to pick up
some radio stations through my discman, and I felt so giddy at just being able
to listen to new music and flip around channels and be flooded with new sounds.
It was amazing!
And to keep the ball rolling of
amazing things that have come my way thus far . . . the room that I'm staying in
with the Maryknoll Sisters has a real bed!! I had an amazing night
of sleep last night! Really and truly, it was fantastic! For two
years I've been sleeping on a chunk of foam. The bed in my second room was
certainly better than the one if the first room . . . but THIS . . . this is
where it's at!
Today I am going with Sisters
Marie and Joanne to Tomil for a mass and a celebration for a priest that died a
year ago. Should be interesting. Deirdre got a nasty insect bite and
it got infected (or perhaps it really is just a boil--but whatever it is, it's
gross. It started the week before she left Pohnpei. it's gross!) but
she's going diving today. Play through the pain. The salt water will
be good for it! ;-)
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June 3, 2005
ya know how you can sometimes be in awe of
something and your jaw just sort of drops down and hangs there for a minute or
two. it's a completely unconscious reaction, but once we become conscious of it,
we correct it. well, okay, that's in typical circumstances. i, however, am not
in a typical circumstance. this whole mouth gaping wide open thing is becoming
sort of a "condition" for me here on guam. but first let me back up . . .
yap was awesome! i'm so glad i got the chance to go. got to meet the fathers of
two students and got to hang out with pugie (a freshman from this past year) for
a day. deirdre took a wonderfully cheesy/touristy photo of me with some stone
money (photo is attached). stone money is still used, but not as much as it used
to be. (if you want the whole story, well, look it up on the internet. you've
got nothing better to do than to google something new, right?) it's pretty
incredible to see these huge slabs of stone lined up along the street with their
perfect holes in the center so nice and smooth.
well then after yap is guam--where i am right now. merely arriving at an airport
with a long runway and multiple gates and terminals was enough to make me laugh.
once we (and by "we," i mean deirdre and me) walked through the terminal and got
through immigration, we went to the mecca of luggage distribution! what an
overwhelming thing it was to have all these different possible carousels that
might have my bag. it's just not the same as watching a pickup truck back up to
a counter and have somebody get out of the truck and pull off bags one by one,
hoping that he'll soon come to mine! but boy oh boy did i ever want to just hop
on one of those things and take a ride around on it!! we arrived in guam around
9 or 9:30pm, so we went straight to the jesuits' house from the airport. i was
mystified by "all the pretty lights" and the many gas stations--okay, wait,
they're more than just gas stations, i've come to realize. (a "gas station" in
pohnpei was often a wooden shack at someone's house that had a barrel of
gasoline, a piece of cardboard with "gas station" written on it and shoved up
against the screen of the shack, and a gallon jug with the top cut off to
facilitate the scooping of the gas). but at these "gas stations" on guam,
i could see that gas is just a cover
for the whole operation. but anyway, lots of gas stations/sugar emporiums, cars,
lights, land, and just STUFF!!
so we eventually get to the jesuit house, more like the "man-palace", and both deirdre and i were immediately stoked when we saw the big comfy, half-circle
couch sitting in the wide-open space of the tv-room. we dropped off our things
in our rooms and settled in on the couch for some major over-stimulation from
the tv. after a little bit, i realized we both had a lot of dirty laundry from
yap and there was a gigantic washing machine (and dryer!!) just waiting for our
sweat-soaked clothes to bask in their glory. i was so excited about using a
dryer for the first time in forever, but i was also really worried that it'd
shrink all my clothes and i wouldn't be able to wear any of them--but, no
worries, i am fully clothed; no tragic dryer mishaps!
before going to bed, deirdre said she wanted to get an "early start" the next
day since she'd be leaving in the afternoon for bali. and the first place
(pretty much the ONLY place) she really wanted to go was the grocery store! my
oh my did she and i look like we'd just crawled out from underneath a rock when
we were walking around that place. how i wish that i had been on candid camera
because it surely was a sight! so many varieties of things. it was incredible!
and even with all our amazement at the selection and yummy good things that were
available, the one thing that deirdre and i both succumbed to was candy! i had
no idea that some genius had decided to put Hershey kisses and little chocolate
cookie bits into a candy bar! INCREDIBLE!! over two years i had forgotten
the million and one ways that people have created to get a little chocolate fix.
to make a long story short, we spent the day with our jaws hanging wide open,
laughing about a variety of ridiculous things, and also nursing a sort of
headache and exhaustion that came from over stimulation. did i mention that i
was the one driving the whole day?? yeah . . . um . . . that required WAY MORE
concentration and attention than it ever did before! for one thing, i was used
to driving that crazy ole van at pats with no front end and the steering wheel
on the right side. so, for most of the day in guam, i'm trying to turn on my
blinker and instead i get a nice dry swoosh of the windshield wipers! aye yai
yai! and don't even get me started on traffic lights or having to merge or
switch lanes or turn left!! wow! but that was yesterday . . . today, things were
much more natural and easy.
but the great part of all this is that guam is way more busy and intense than
bowling green (which means that i'm getting all this hectic craziness through my
system and then it'll be like a sigh of relief and a slow-down to return to ky).
yeah, bet you didn't know that guam was so hoppin', did you?? it's a huge draw
for japanese tourists. there's lots of gigantically tall hotels and fancy stores
and expensive restaurants. for those of you that are curious, there are
approximately 155,000 people on guam. and god only knows how many tourists!
well, i bet you all thought you wouldn't hear from me until i got back to the
states, so i hope you've all enjoyed this little treat. the jesuits are kind
enough to treat me with a "make yourself at home" sort of
accommodation--hence
where i got the car to drive around--and so i thought i'd make use of their
computer to send you a (hopefully) amusing update on my "re-entry" into the
world beyond pohnpei.
until next time . . . keep your windshield wipers on the right and be on the
lookout for anyone that may need some help keeping their jaw attached to the
rest of their head.
smile . . . you're on candid camera!
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June 9, 2005
aloha from hawaii!! i'm on
the big island . . . but only for a few more days. i've been having a
great time hanging out with cristin and enjoying my few last days of island
life. i will definitely miss the atmosphere and environment of island
living. do ya think i can import some palm trees back in kentucky?
cristin and i have been on the
go for the most part of these past few days. i bought a nice ukulele and a
fantastic hula guy to replace the old one that used to be in my car. i
made my first attempt at surfing and boogie boarding yesterday . . . what a
disaster! i guess i was expecting it to be a bit easier. the major
problem was that the waves were so frequent; it was practically impossible for
me to get to a point where i could 'catch' any waves. it didn't take long
to accept defeat and realize that yesterday just wasn't my day for hanging ten.
but, it looks like we'll try again tomorrow and hopefully the surf will be up!
:-)
today cristin and i went to the
hawaii volcano national park. it was a pretty fantastic place. we're
going back tomorrow night to get a good look at the lava flow--it's easier to
see it at night when it's dark out. i am STOKED about it. i do
realize that there won't be monstrous eruptions and insane amounts of lava
shooting up everywhere, but i'll still settle for some piping hot lava running
around the place.
i don't know if it's because i'm
still in a "foreign" place, but at this point it seems like my "adjustment"
isn't going to be so difficult. my further adjustment to adulthood might
be the toughest part. but going back to the states seems like it might not
be so tough. perhaps my experience after returning from nepal was such a
huge thing that this time around may not be so intense.
back to top
June 15, 2005
hello all!
well, your wait is over . . . not only the wait for me to be
back in the country, but also the wait for me to send another group email. but
this time i won't be commenting on experiences far and away. oh no, friends,
i'll be making observations of the very country that most of you all call home
and a place that i once lived in just two years ago. this time it's something
you can relate to a bit more.
many interesting things have happened since i landed on
sunday. who knew that unemployment could be so entertaining??
unfortunately, i did not start a timer, but i'd estimate it only took an hour or
an hour and a half after landing before i had the first comment of "well you're
not as dark as i thought you'd be." thanks, mom. i have been waiting to see who
would make such observations and i had pretty much anticipated that it'd be mom.
but, yes, it's true, i am not dark like a native pohnpeian. two main reasons for
that: a) i am NOT a native pohnpeian. 2) i was working inside for the most part
for two years. i was not a part of a baywatch internship nor was i "toiling" in
rice paddies or out taking care of a taro patch. so, yeah, i think some of you
all are probably darker than i am. i hope you all won't be disappointed by that!
;-)
from the airport, i went to brunch with my parents and some
friends. i was not at all ready for the ginormous size of the "griddle cakes"
that i ordered! holy cow those things were like plate cakes! they literally
flopped over the edge of the plate. and genius me ordered three of them!
unfortunately the others also had their fair share of food to eat, so they
weren't much help in cleaning up what i left behind. where are the
pats students when i need them? they'd jump on that stuff in an
instant--actually, they'd be all over it before i even admit defeat.
the restaurant was a bit chilly for my taste, and that has
been a theme that has continued since then. once back in bowling green on sunday,
i settled in on the couch and covered up with TWO BLANKETS in order to watch
some tv!! i managed to stay awake until 10:30 pm that night (mind you that i
left hawaii around 11 am on saturday and slept for only an hour or two during my
flights back). i was absolutely overwhelemed by all the things in my room that i
had forgotten about! it's sort of been like christmas to go through my room and
take notice of all the things i've forgotten about. and then there was my closet
. . . . WOW!! so many options. so many clothes! what the heck am i gonna do with
all that? i'm so used to having a small closet with a selection of about 10 or
15 shirts and 3 or 4 pairs of shorts. i feel like i'll never have to do laundry
again. again, there are two reasons for that: 1) i have so many clothes now that
i can just keep wearing them and won't run out. but more importantly, b) i
hardly break a sweat here, and to me that means the clothes aren't actually
dirty and in need of being cleaned. in pohnpei, a full day was the most i could
hope to get out of a shirt (most often, it only lasted for 1/2 day)
so anyway . . . i woke up at 10:30 am on monday, curled up
underneath a sheet, blanket, and comforter. where was i?? "GOOD GRIEF! WHY is it
soooooo coooooooold??!!" for two years i was used to sleeping in what i like to
call "spread-eagle formation" on my bed, with my arms and legs stretched out in
attempt to be as cool as possible. i had a top sheet that was usually crumpled
up at the end of my bed and only saw use in the mornings when it was rainy and
windy. and there i was, waking up in what was probably a temperature of 70 or 75
and yet feeling like it was the winter! i went downstairs and grabbed the phone
and went out the front door to make a call. once i stepped outside, i breathed a
sigh of relief and said, "ahhhhh, now THAT'S what i'm talking about!" on monday
afternoon, i drove to owensboro, ky for a meeting. it used to take me about an
hour to get there, but i'm quite sure i was more in the hour and 15 min. range
this time because i was so reluctant to go past 70. when i first got on the
parkway, i got nervous as i continued to press on the accelerator and go faster.
i hadn't even got to 65 mph and i was ready to slow down! but i eventually made
it to the 65/70 neighborhood and set the cruise control.
before my meeting, i got together with a friend for some ice
cream at dairy queen. i should have just sent her inside with money and the
request for something "yummy" because the task of looking at the menu and
standing in the cold of the restaurant was enough to make me keel over with
anxiety. i felt so out of place just standing there and staring blankly at the
menu of "cold things" with the person on the other side of the counter staring a
hole through me and waiting for me to pick something. so then i became a victim
of advertising . . . out of frustration i ordered the cold thing that was
pictured on the floor advertising. floor advertising??!! yeah it sounds
ridiculous, but somebody put that there just for me. it was the first thing i
saw when i walked in. and as a result of being totally floored with options, i
pointed at the picture on the floor and, literally, asked for one of those "artic thingies." i lasted only 10 or so minutes inside before i pathetically asked my friend if
we could go outside to a more "reasonable" temperature.
later that evening, while i was driving home, i had the
sudden realization that i couldn't remember which exit to take to get to my
house! yikes! problem being that there are a few bowling green exits on the
natcher parkway and NONE of them says "rachel! get off here!!" and, so, yes, i
did actually take the wrong exit. well it's "wrong" only in the sense that it
wasn't the one i was hoping for. i managed to get back to my house, but it was
via a different route than i was used to. it was made a bit more tricky by some
new restaurants and gas stations popping up--thus making "familiar territory" a
bit more difficult to recognize.
well then once i pulled into my street, i could see that my house was lit up
like we were expecting the president. ALL of the outdoor lights were on!! it
used to be that if i went somewhere and was coming home late at night, my folks
would keep on a light post or the porch lights--nothing too extreme. but i
suppose my folks were worried i might not be able to find the house, so they
were hoping i'd at least be drawn towards the "pretty lights." there were 4 or 5
different sets of exterior lights turned on.
well then the next tricky part was figuring out where the
heck all the light switches were that corresponded to all the outside lights!
oh, but i should also mention that i can no longer get in to the front door of
my house. while i was gone, my folks changed the lock on the front door, and i
don't have a key for it. so now i have to make a conscious decision when i come
home to go through the garage because my key won't work on the front door. and,
eventually, after a bit of "guess and check," i was able to find all the right
light switches and power-down the las vegas strip that was my house.
let me go back to what i mentioned earlier about being
overwhelmed by choices and variety. having so many options just might be my
downfall over the next few weeks. i've barely had anything to eat at my house
because there are just so many things to choose from. i'm not used to having
access to food whenever i want it. it doesn't even cross my mind to go look for
something to eat when i'm hungry. i mean, isn't the fridge off limits? don't i
just have to wait it out until meal time?? and as much fun as i thought it'd be
to go out to eat once i got back, it's actually been somewhat like an anxiety
attack. such a big menu. so many pictures. "sesnsory overload" is what i call
it. in the face of so many choices, i just want to close my eyes, wave my finger
through the air, and point at something and have it all over with. perhaps i
should ask all dining companions to bring some suction-cup darts and a nerf gun to help me with
my decision making. sit down restaurants are a bit better because i don't feel
the people staring at me while i'm trying to decide. but any sort of place that
has a wall-menu and a "place your order here" counter are just a bit much for me
at this stage.
and last but not least . . . phones . . . i am slowly
educating myself on phone usage. it's not like phones are new on the scene since
i've been gone. but, well, i've sort of been out of touch with the telephone
world, and definitely haven't touched a cell phone over these past two years.
even my experience with a "regular phone" from before i left seems to be
insufficient at this point. this afternoon the phone rang, and as i was
approaching it, i was hit with the urge to answer it by saying, "hello. pats
computer lab . . ." my mom's cell phone has enough ringing, dinging, and sounds
to put me into cardiac arrest. and the talking caller id in the house confuses
the heck out of me every time the phone rings. yesterday i was talking to a
friend on the phone and there was another call . . . fortunately it was another
friend that was calling and was humored when i answered the phone by saying,
"what? did it work? who's this?" using call waiting was a skill i was not
prepared to use.
and, so . . . that's what it's like. a friend recently told
me that, at this point in my life, i (by myself) would be a great reality tv
show. so if anybody is in the tv-business and needs a hot new idea, i'll just
offer up my services. follow me around with your camera and watch the fun
unfold.
oh wait!! i do have one more story! (i know this is already long at this point.
most people have already quit or taken a break by now, but i'm just gonna power
through and get out another good tale) . . . one day last week while i was in
hawaii, i was sitting on the couch at cristin's house and flipping through the
channels. two young girls from next door were over at the house, playing with
the dog. i had paused on a channel and they asked me what i was watching. i
said, "ummm, i don't know." they resumed their "playing" with the dog and i
flipped a few channels ahead and came across ellen degeneres' talk show. i was
already gone when the show began, but i've had a few people mention it to me. i
stopped to watch and then the girls looked back at the tv and said, "oh, that's
the ellen show," as if that was what i was watching when i earlier said, "i
don't know." i said to them, "oh. i've never seen this before." they looked at
me with that, "what rock have you been living under?!" sort of stare and said,
"really??!!" totally had no idea how a person my age could have possibly eluded
this show. and then i tried to explain to them that i've been gone for two years
and this show began after i left and i didn't have a television to watch in the
place where i was. but despite my explanations, they still looked at me like i
was the village idiot. it reminded me of the first "back to the future" movie
when marty says they were watching a "re-run" episode on tv, and the kid at the
table looks at him and says, "what's a re-run???"
yes, that's me. fresh off the boat and out from underneath a
rock. overall, it's pretty entertaining to make these observations. i find humor
in my current "situation." basically, i walk slow, drive slow, use my windshield
wiper when i actually want to be using the turn signal, tremble with fear when
confronted with too many options, shiver when in the air conditioning for too
long, and become startled when a phone rings (which is really not a ring at all,
but rather an offering of musical entertainment). this is my life. it's a riot.
always has been. always will be.
back to top
August 15, 2005
for those of you that have been sitting on
the edge of your seat for the past two months, just waiting and hoping that 'rachel
longest' would make an encore appearance in your inbox . . . well . . . you can
wait no longer. here i am! and i bring you what we like to call "good tidings"
and a cause for celebration. okay, maybe YOU won't celebrate, but please excuse
me while i do so!
amidst the top 5 questions that i've gotten since returning to the states has
been the ever-daunting question of, "so . . . what's next??" up until just last
week, i could only respond to this question by twisting my finger towards my
nose and making a squeaking sound or listing my plans for the rest of the day.
but, at long last, i have another adventure to begin and another far-out
location that awaits me. this time i'm staying within the continental united
states, but i'm thinking of using the location as the title of a new television
show: big sandy, 75755. waaaaaay better than 90210. just say it: 75755 . . .
don't you just love the way it rolls off your tongue? i'll save you the labor of
visiting google or the us postal service on line and go ahead and tell you that
big sandy 75755 is located in the lonestar state, known to some as tejas.
i hope you're wondering, "what the heck is in big sandy, texas??" if you're not
wondering that, then you can just skip to my closing remarks; or you can just
let me save you the trouble: love, rachel. but for those of you that are curious
about what big sandy has to offer somebody like me, then by all means, please
keep reading . . .
big sandy texas is home to about 1400 people and the pines catholic camp (
www.thepines.org ). the pines is 130 acres of hot, outdoor goodness. i will be
working at the pines as a member of the outdoor ministry staff. and what the
heck does such a person do? well, jerry, tell the studio audience what rachel
has won! . . . well, folks, rachel will be designing and leading retreats for
middle school and high school groups, doing environmental education classes,
facilitating the ropes course, and having an all around good time. all of this
will be done in conjunction with 4 other staff members and the camp director.
i will live at the camp in a double-wide trailer with 3 other females. call me
crazy, but i am actually excited about living in a trailer. i feel like it's
just one of those things that needs to be done at least once in my life. i was
hoping for some shag carpeting and 70's-esque furniture, but from what i'm told,
it's actually furnished rather nicely. i'll be sure to follow up on that one and
let you know.
many of you that i've already told have commented that you can't believe i'm
packing up and moving far away AGAIN. well, there's even a part of me that is
dumbfounded by my continuining nomad-type lifestyle. but even before the job was
offered to me, i pretty much knew that if i did get the opportunity, there was
no way i could say no. i had been receiving nightly visits from the ghost of
occupation future via a song on the radio that rang out loud and clear with a
chorus of "come back to texas." after hearing it 5 times in one week (even once
while at subway getting some dinner -- listen to the song here ), i felt it was
pretty clear what i should do.
in many ways, this decision is teetering on the illogical side. i had another
job offer that would keep me geographically closer to family and friends and pay
me so much more. but i've already learned that physical location and finances
can be dealt with. i think this is a great opportunity for me and i'm really
looking forward to it. working in t-shirts and shorts every day is just too
great an offer to pass up. plus, i'm still not totally adjusted to this air
conditioning, so i'm just gonna postpone the temperature readjustment and
high-tail it down south where it's nice and hot!
with all this job searching, interviewing, and what-not going on, these past two
weeks have sort of gone by in a flash. and the week to come is sure to go by
equally as quickly, because it's all i've got left here in bg, ky. on monday,
august 22nd, i am packing up my trusty steed, rashonda the honda, and driving to
big sandy. i hope to continue working on my website while i am there, but for
now i have made some changes and additions. so if you haven't been there in a
while, go ahead and peek back in at: https://home.insightbb.com/~jrlongest/
here's my address at the pines:
300 White Pine Road
Big Sandy, TX 75755
really . . . just say that zip code one more time. 75755 . . . isn't that
fun??!! heck, say it five times, really fast. it gets better each time you say
it.
i hope all is well where you are. if you are ever in the eastern part of texas,
you should swing through big sandy and take a dip in our lake lou ann. if "lake
lou ann" just doesn't sound like the most inviting thing ever, then i don't know
what does! take care and don't be afraid to take a good hard listen to what
somebody might be telling you on the radio--unless, of course, you're listening
to delilah . . . she'll say anything if it's sappy! blahhhhhhh!!
shazaam alla kazaam,
rachel
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October 2, 2005
as many of you know, being offered a job at the
pines in big sandy, tx was like a dream come true to me. well, folks, i think i
finally woke up from that dream . . . .
for the past month, people have mostly asked me, "so, how's texas?" texas . . .
well, texas was fine. it's an interesting and entertaining state (and i have a
handful of pictures to prove its, um, "uniqueness") the state is overflowing
with texas pride and you can find the state flag proudly displayed everywhere! i
think there must have been some state decree that says the flag has to be
displayed in some fashion every mile! it's on the sides of barns, on rooftops,
on traditional flagpoles and anywhere else you can think of. so if you want to
know how texas is, well, i think she's doing alright.
but the real question is, "how is rachel?" rachel has seen better days than the
ones she saw in texas. by no means was life miserable, but there was something
that seemed to be out of place during the time that i spent at the pines. it was
a difficult realization to come to after being so excited to be headed there in
the first place. but, with time, i came to discover that the pines and i were
not as perfect of a match as i had dreamed we would be. i came to realize that i
skipped over a lot of adjustment and other sorts of things after returning from
my two years in pohnpei. i'm just not in the emotional, mental, spiritual, or
physical state to be doing such an intense, full-time ministry. and so, after
coming to all these conclusions, i decided it was time for me to leave texas.
and so i am writing to you now from the bluegrass state of kentucky.
i've already talked to some of you about this, and i've heard the disappointment
in your voice. the reaction usually goes a little like this, "oh . . . ? wow."
it's funny how such a small response can say so much. i've sensed the doubt come
over you. the doubt in me. the loss of faith of what i am capable of doing. and
at first that hurt me. it killed me to know that there are people that have
already lost and more that will lose faith in me because i'm leaving this job
after such a short time. some of you will label me as a quitter and one to walk
away when the going gets rough. and if that's what you want to do, then go
ahead. but on my long drive back to kentucky on saturdayi realized i have only
just begun! there are many great adventures still in my future. i'm taking some
time off right now and i'm going to get a hum-drum sort of job and take some
time for myself, but that doesn't mean i'll be doing that forever. the job i had
in texas was an amazing opportunity, and i am sad that i had to leave it. but it
just wasn't the right time or place. i am sad to have left the people i worked
with. it kills me to turn my back on an opportunity that seemed to be heaven
sent. but what's done is done. maybe i should have stuck it out there a little
while longer. maybe this. maybe that. the bottom line is that i decided it'd be
best for me and for the pines if i left. it wasn't that i was bad at the job;
quite the contrary, i was quite good at it. during the last few days i spent
there it occurred to me that i was dang good at what i was doing. but it just so
happens that i wasn't dang happy doing it day in and day out and feeling lost
and confused.
if you'd like to get in touch with me, you can write me at my new email address:
4thelongesttime@gmail.com (please make this change in your address books) it may
not seem like it to you, but i really am embarking on another great adventure
right now. and, as always, i'll be sure to let you know what adventure this
leads to. don't count me out just yet. i've got a lot of living left to do and
i'm pretty stoked about it. take care.
rachel
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April 24, 2006
the following is an email that i
began, but did not finish, on January 31, 2006.
hellooooooo to all the
devoted readers out there of the 'life and times of rachel longest' and a big
phatty welcome to those of you new to my tales of trials and tribulations. i've
been m.i.a. lately for a lack of anything that i felt like making public
knowledge on such a large scale. but, at last, i have mustered up the gumption (i'm
not really sure if this is a proper use of 'gumption,' but i do enjoy the word,
hence i will be using it here) to open wide the doors back into my world.
when i last wrote, i had left my job in texas and returned to the bluegrass
state in search of greener pastures, or just something a bit more "rachel." did
i find it? oh hell no! hence part of the reason why i haven't bothered to let
you in, until now, on what i've been up to. so, allow me to now bring you up to
speed (in case it's of any interest to you, that is)
out of fear of becoming "that child," the direction-less mooch that's still
living at home, i opted against moving back in with my folks in bowling green.
instead, i accepted the offer of a very generous friend in the owensboro, ky
vicinity and moved into an extra bedroom in her house. and thus began a job
search for pretty much anything that would give me money. sadly, that search
(which is an on-going process) has only resulted in a position at shogun of
japan, working as a server. (is "server" just a glorified way of saying
"waitress?" yes, i think so! i'm a waitress . . . let's just get that out of the
way right now.) and would you believe that this restaurant--a japanese
steakhouse, complete with sushi bar and hibachi grills where your food is
prepared right at your table--is employed by a whole host of pohnpeians?!? yes .
. . it's true! my life with pohnpeians did not end in may when i left the
island. it continues to this very day. (as a matter of fact, one of them is
related to a former student, whom i spoke with on the phone just last night!!
INSANE!! that former student is in NY now, preparing to be deployed to
afghanistan with the army) even in kentucky, i've managed to find myself living
in a pohnpeian world.
so . . . i got the job working at shogun and after about a week and a half of
living in my friend's house, began to feel like a mooch, and thus procured (i
have to use big words to make myself feel smart and remind myself that i do have
a college degree) an apartment in owensboro, where i currently live with a
friend. it's a quaint little 2 bedroom apartment with a living room that was
without furniture for the first 2 months. the people living below us are avid
video game players (some sort of racing game is getting a lot of action lately)
and have a love for movies involving explosions and anything else that's loud
and has the capacity to shake walls. i practically feel like i live with them,
even though i think i've only seen them once. but all i really want to know is:
what do they DO . . . and . . . why is that little kid still awake with them at
3 am??!!
i work approximately 50 hours a week and for most of that time i seem to have a
mantra of "i hate my job," "this is not my life," or "i really gotta find a new
job." it's not my cup of tea, that's for sure. i don't throw food at people or
anything like that. on the contrary, i'm probably quite good at what i do--i
don't ever really bother to appraise my "skills" for this job. it's just that i
want to do something a bit more life-giving and fulfilling. but, ultimately, i'm
still in a search to narrow down what exactly that amounts to. it's more like a
process of elimination. i'm not sure i've got the answer, but i've been able to
cross some things of the list.
and, just for the record, if any of you have ever been to a shogun restaurant or
a similar place with hibachi grills where the employees wrap the food up in foil
in the shape of animals and what-not . . . well . . . yes . . . i do that, too.
it's like foil origami--ummmm, with a bunch of fried rice and stuff in the
middle . . . but whatever! so i guess i could be the next big thing at your next
party. just invite me over and provide a gigantic roll of aluminum foil and be
amazed as i turn your dinner into a pot of flowers, a penguin, a lion, a bunny
rabbit, or a lovely foil handbag!
sometimes i'll get a table of chatty people and we'll wind up in conversation
about where i'm from and all that sort of stuff. i give them the rundown of
places i've called home, but no matter what details i give along the way, it
always ends up the same way . . . "so WHAT are you doing HERE?!?" and i always
respond the very same way: "ya know, i ask myself that same question every
morning when i get out of bed!" and that's no joke. what the heck am i doing in
owensboro, ky?! i must admit it's quite a let-down to have been all the places
i've been and done all the things i've done and then wind up making sure people
are okay with pepsi when then order "coke." it's nothing against owensboro
(though i will not deny that the city is not for me) or against people that work
in restaurants . . . it's just not for me.
like i said earlier, i haven't come to a conclusion of what's right for me, but
i've at least begun by crossing things off my list. BUUUUUUT . . . i do have a
plan. some of you could probably see this coming from a mile away and some of
you will just shake your head, sigh, and think, "what are we gonna do with this
kid?!" either way, that plan has lead me to apply for the peace corps. i am
currently trying to schedule a phone interview, which seems to be just the
beginning of the whole process. i have no idea where i'd go, or when i'd be sent
there. i would kinda like to go somewhere in africa, and i imagine that if i
were to be accepted, i'd be headed out sometime around the end of the summer or
early autumn.
when i came back from micronesia, i had thought that i had gotten the "bug" out
of my system, and would stay stateside for a while. but, alas, here i am again,
hoping to leave the country for another two years. the world is just SO BIG! and
i'm so curious about it! i want to learn more. i don't want to learn more as in
going to grad school. i want to learn more of the world from first hand
experience. aaaaand, i want to use the skills i have to help other people. it's
not like i'm going to turn around a country or even a community with two years
of work. i don't have starry-eyed visions of changing the world. i just like the
thought of using my heart and my hands to do something that makes me feel
satisfied at the end of the day. yes, i probably COULD find something to do in
the u.s. to make me feel satisfied at the day's end, but why settle for that
when i could have something so much better??
as i've told some of you, my life will end in one of two ways . . . i will die
"too young," or i will be blessed with many more years and die an old woman.
either scenario leads me to the same conclusion, though. if i'm to die young,
then i don't have much time left, and i better jam-pack my life with as much
cool stuff as i can possibly fit in. and if i'm to die old, then i suppose that
means i have many years ahead of me to settle down and "grow up" and do all the
other stuff people expect of me. either way, the time is NOW for more
adventures!! when i look back on all i've done, i find that there are several
experiences from nepal and micronesia that sit atop of my list as being the best
of times.
keep in mind that i am merely in the application stage right now. in now way is
it guaranteed that i'll be jet-setting of to some new land within a few months.
i just thought i'd let you all know, and ask for your prayers and support.
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August 12, 2006
back in the 90's, alanis morissette had a
pretty big hit with her song "ironic." perhaps many of you will remember
it. but, for those who don't, here's a small sampling of its lyrics:
It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
something that many people will comment on regarding this song is that the
situations she proposes are anything but examples of irony. they're more
like instances of pure crappiness coming to rain on one's parade and then
laughing about it. and if good ole alanis were up for a revival of her
song ode to "irony," i think i could supply her with a new instance of
crappy parade-raining. try this one:
It's a torn ACL two weeks before going to the Peace Corps
oh wait . . . that's lacking lyrical genius? is doesn't fit in with the
iambic pentameter of the song? it's not the type of words that sell
records? or it's just not good ole irony??
i guess you've got a point. maybe those lyrics just won't cut the
mustard. unfortunately, the unsuitability of my suggested lyrics does not
remove it from the reality of my life. you see, what i'm trying to tell
you is two-fold: 1) i have recently been preparing to uproot myself again
for a spot with the peace corps in bolivia; and b) i have recently "done
damage" to my knee and i'm no longer able to go to bolivia. at least that
is the condensed, 15-second public service announcement version.
if that's all you're interested in knowing, you can stop here. love,
rachel
buuuuut, if you're interested in more than just this run-by deposit of
information, then, by all means . . . . continue reading . . .
soooooooo . . . on july 17th i accepted a placement with the peace corps
to go to bolivia and serve in the program area of "microenterprise
development." i was told i'd be leaving august 21st. despite only having
about 6 weeks to get my life in order and prepare for another 2 year
adventure, i was very excited about the opportunity. i had been composing
a delightfully inspiring and enthralling email about the details of my
upcoming jaunt to bolivia. but that email is going to have to just sit in
my drafts folder and get moldy b/c i'm not going anywhere . . . at least
not anytime soon.
i had some days where i sort of flipped-out and got overwhelmed at all the
stuff i needed to do before leaving. but, everything was getting done and
time was just flying by. then, i got a call about the upcoming alumni
soccer game at my high school. and i realized that i'd be 28 years old by
the time i could play again, if i didn't play this year. so i decided to
play in this year's game on august 5th. things were going great in the
game till about midway through the second half. i wasn't playing my usual
position of goalkeeper during the match. and thus i was left free to
galavant through the field in a wide array of positions. at this
particular junction of the game, i was playing defense and running towards
a ball that had been kicked, in the air, towards the center of the field.
as i planted my right foot to jump up to head the ball, my knee bent in
towards my other knee and made a popping sound that has now embedded
itself in my memory, and continues to give me the willies when i remember
it. i soon found out that the pop was loud enough that not only did i
hear it, but so did a nearby player and the center official.
that fiasco was last saturday. and this week has been filled with phone
calls to the peace corps medical office, doctor's visits, and a good old
fashioned MRI of my right knee. WHOOOOOPPPPEEEEEE!! the bottom line is
this . . . i have been removed from the training class of new volunteers
that will be going to bolivia next week. the doctor suspects that i have
torn my ACL. the MRI showed "serious trauma" to the ACL (or some other
sort of fancy jargon used in order to be terribly vague about the actual
status of my knee). the doc said that my ACL could be completely torn or
partially torn, but it's hard to tell without actually seeing it. so, for
now, i am going to go to physical therapy to try to regain strength,
flexibility, and stability in my knee. i will see the doctor in three
weeks and we'll decide whether or not to do surgery.
and to add a little bit of "irony" to my craptacular experience, i
returned home from the doctor yesterday and received a letter in the mail
from the peace corps, containing my flight info for next week. i guess
the news hasn't been passed down the travel agency yet. and then today i
received another packet of info in the mail, detailing odds and ends about
bolivia. yadda yadda yadda. gee, it's a good thing that i'm not getting
this nonsense rubbed into my face or anything.
i had been looking forward to letting you all know about the exciting
opportunity to go to bolivia, and was also pumped about the emails i'd get
to write while i was there. i had plans of publishing a book about my
experience when it was over. but now i'm stuck in bowling green. i've
got no job, and i figure one of those is going to be hard to come by since
i can't stand for very long. i don't know if i'll wind up doing the peace
corps some day. i will have to wait six months after getting clearance
from my doctor and physical therapist before i can ask to be reassigned
with the peace corps. so . . . in the mean time . . . i dunno. i've got
lots of free time and . . . well . . . i guess we'll all just have to wait
and see.
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