CHAPTER 30 - Um, am I interrupting something?

Abby

My heart was practically thumping out of my chest as I opened my eyes slowly. I had waited for this moment for so long. Sure, it had only been about two and a half weeks, but it seemed like eons. Being Taylor was impossible, and I was sincerely grateful to let him be himself again before the concert this weekend.

My eyes opened and I blinked a couple of times. My eyes instantly focused on Taylor.

Only he wasnt Taylor. He was me.

And he was just staring at me, his mouth agape and his eyes desperate.

NOOOOOOO! I howled, letting out a bloodcurdling scream and sinking to my knees. How could this be? How could this not have worked? We did everything like we had before, what could have happened?

Taylor rushed over to me and pulled me against him tightly. He was shaking, obviously just as perplexed and terrified about the situation as I was. This wasnt fair, damn it! Why couldnt this have simply worked out and let us get on with our complicated lives? Why are we being punished?

Taylor and I jumped away from each other as the door opened suddenly. Isaac barged into the room, the little boy (Mac?) running in behind him, panting and sweating like a hog.

What? Whats wrong? What happened? Is everyone okay? Isaac exclaimed, his words all slurring together in nervous intensity. His eyes shifted back and forth between Taylor and I at an alarmingly quick pace. I heard screaming. Tay, are you hurt? You dont look so good

I think Im going to throw up.

Iuhthought I saw a spider.

Not my best excuse but considering the state of mind Im in, its not too shabby.

A. Spider. Isaac deflated and rolled his eyes patronizingly at me. Christ, Taylor! Scare the crap out of us, why dont you?

Sorry? I mumbled, still in utter disbelief. Isaac left the room, muttering curses, and Taylor flocked to my side. He pushed some of my sweat-dampened hair out of my face and sighed heavily. I looked at him wide-eyed. What went wrong?

He shook his head and sat down on the floor beside me. I dont know, Abby. I thought we had everything all figured out. Do you think that weve missed something along the way? Did we forget to do something important?

I bit my bottom lip, determinedly. We cant give up hope, Taylor. Theres got to be something that we did wrong, we just have to figure out what it is! I turned to face him. Lets justthink about every detail of the party. Perhaps that will give us a clue as to what to do.

Do you think we should try to interact what happened the night of the party? Taylor suggested, his eyes sparkling with the faintest trace of hope. I couldnt help but be infected with his genuine optimism. Okay, I first met you when we bumped into each other.

Actually you bumped into me, I corrected. I noticed his nostrils begin to flair before I quickly added, But none of that is important really. So, we meet and you find out that Im friends with Brooke and I find out that youre friends with Jason. I stood up and grabbed his arms to pull him up too. Hi, Im Abby Deluca. Im friends with Brooke Thompson. I only hoped it would dawn on him what was going on.

Taylor looked at me oddly before he caught onto what I was trying to do. Oh okay, I get it. Um, hi Abby. Im Taylor Hanson. Im friends with Jason Ashley. He paused and thought for a minute. Then I leave you, go off with Ashley, and talk to these two boring girls. He walked to the other side of the room and talked to two pretend females. He then stopped and looked at me expectantly.

I grinned excitedly. Okay, after I talked to you, I went upstairs to the bathroom

I went to the bathroom too! He shouted, his mouth spreading into an enormous grin.

THATS WHAT WE FORGOT TO DO! I cried, slapping myself on the forehead. Of all the meticulous details Never mind. We need to get into the bathroom! Taylor and I ran like idiots towards the bathroom. I hurried inside and frowned when Taylor suddenly stopped outside of it. What are you doing? Get in already! We dont have time for this!

Taylor refused to budge. No, wait. We werent in the same bathroom. I need to go to a different one!

This one moment of genius makes up for all of his suffocating daftness.

Yes! You go into the bathroom downstairs and slam the door as loud as you can. After I hear that, Ill stomp three times loudly. As soon as you hear the third stomp, make your wish. I was so pleased with Taylor that I could kiss him! And maybe I would when we got our bodies back

Make him forget all about that OTHER girl.

My mouth was dry as cotton as I waited for that glorious slam of the downstairs bathroom. This HAD to work. There was no other detail to be found since we had retraced our footsteps so carefully. If for some reason this failedI couldnt think about it. There was no point dwelling on what ifs when in a matter of seconds I could finally be where I belonged.

I heard Taylors slam with such force that I felt it resound throughout my entire body. With my heart thumping loudly in my ears, I picked up my foot and slammed it hard against the floor three separate times. I closed my eyes and said passionately,

I wish to be Abby Deluca.

Opening my eyes, I returned to the nightmare that was my reality. I darted to the mirror and broke into a gut-wrenching sob at my angry reflection. I slumped over the sink and wiped the tears away from the blue eyes that werent supposed to have been mine. This was supposed to have been the happiest day of my life and instead it was only torturing me. Why hadnt it worked THIS time? Surely we couldnt have forgotten anything. Wed acted out everything

Maybe Brookes house was haunted? Maybe we needed to make the wishes in her house because it contained some sort of mystical component? Or maybe we needed to wish to be closer to people in order to switch back?

As soon as Taylor got back, we tried a variety of different ways of wishing. All failed miserably. We tried wishing to be close to Brooke/Jason, wishing to NOT be each other, etc. We tried closing our eyes, opening our eyes, holding hands, being in separate rooms, being in the same room, being outside. Fate wanted nothing to do with our desires to return to our rightful bodies.

I finally broke down completely in Taylors room. I couldnt take anymore failure and disappointment. Each time we attempted to wish ourselves free, it only served to squash my hopes. There was nothing else we could do to get out of our predicament. We were stuck. Trapped. Forced. Imprisoned. All of which we were helpless to escape.

I didnt dare scream aloud again, fearing that Isaac would come marching into the room again. And I definitely didnt want to see him or any other person on this God forsaken planet except for Taylor. Instead, I grabbed a pillow, shoved it into my face, and screamed in outrage. I screamed for some sort of release from this flesh prison. I couldnt pretend to be Taylor anymore, not for another second. It was killing me And I couldnt go on with this any longer.

My dreams were over. I was no longer a woman. I would never get married, have children, be with my family, or have the kind of life Ive always wanted for myself. I would forever be in someones shadow, playing a part I never wanted. If nature had intended for me to be a boy, why hadnt I been born that way? Why change it now? Why let me grow up with one mindset and then thrust me into a completely alien environment? I dont want this. I cant do this.

Taylor gently took the pillow away from me when I had run out of energy to scream. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and as I sat on the floor of his bedroom, I took a moment to check out his reaction. He was stone-faced. His eyes were wide, as if he was simply surprised, but I could tell that he was merely trying to be the strong one. His hands were clenching involuntarily, showing his frustration and confusion. Still, he was taking this a lot better than I ever could.

What are we going to do? I asked, reaching for him to come near me. Right now I needed someone to hold me and coddle me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I needed to feel protected.

Taylor pulled me into his lap and began to stroke my hair soothingly. What we have to I suppose. I sniffled and wiped away a few tears. Had I any sense of humor at the moment, I probably would have laughed at the sight of Taylor and I. A long, lanky boy, bawling his head off, was curled up like a baby in the lap of a thin, eerily calm girl.

We cant pretend to be each other forever! I exclaimed, erupting into another fitful of tears.

What else can we do? He asked, tiredly. Id never seen him look so lost and forlorn. No one will believe us if we told them the truth. He paused. Were just going to have to live our lives the best way we can. Until we find a cure, if there even is a cure, were going to have to change the way we handle everything. Instead of behaving to each others liking, were going to have to begin to do everything for our own benefit. These are our lives now.

TAYLOR! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

But but what about my family? My friends? My classes? Is everything Ive ever wanted completely gone now? I exclaimed, hysterically. No I couldnt accept that.

Taylor sighed. Yes and no. We just have different lives now. Your family is mine now and mine is yours I felt his breath hitch in his chest. His composure was crumbling and he was fighting to conceal his emotions. The selfish part of me wanted him to let them out. I wanted him to shout and cry hysterically on my shoulder. I wanted him to level with me the way I always seem to level with him. He was all I had now, and I wanted him to let me in.

So, this is really it? I said, taking a deep breath. Tears continued to escape my reddened eyes. This is forever, isnt it. When Taylor nodded solemnly, I looked him straight in the eye. I cant be you, Taylor. I cant be in a rock band. I want to be a doctor. I want to go to college and live out whats left of my dream.

Taylor nodded. I understand. You cant live for me anymore. If this is truly permanent, then there is no point in faking it as much any longer. My brothers will eventually accept it, though I think Ike may have a hard time understanding it. But, I support you in your decisions. Boy, was I dreading telling Ike.

But Im never going to get married! I screeched, frantically. How could all this be real? Whos going to marry me? How will I ever have a family?

Ill marry you, Taylor said, softly. Well be a family. At least if we marry one another well be socially accepted. Well always have each other.

I just stared into his vacant-looking brown eyes. Eyes that used to have been mine Youwill? Taylor would honestly marry me? Could that be true? Would he truly devote himself to me? Would we devote ourselves to each other? I think I feel another batch of sobs coming on.

I would be marriedto Taylor. He was going to make sure that I had portions of what Id always wanted out of life. We would never be alone when we had each other. He would always be there for me. These thoughts helped ease my throbbing headache slightly. Although I would be forever trapped into a boys body, at least I had the comfort in knowing that I wouldnt have to be completely alone.

I closed my eyes and allowed his fingers in my hair to comfort me. What I had to say next wouldnt be easy, but life wasnt going to be particularly easy for either of us for a while, if ever. Taylor? He murmured a response. Im going to have to break up with Brooke. He stopped petting my hair.

I understand. It felt like forever had passed before he uttered those barely audible words.

I bit my lip. Taylor, I have to. The longer I keep pretending, the harder its going to be to break it off. I cant lead her on like this. Im sorry.

I understand.

I stood up and grabbed the box of tissues that were resting on the dresser. I sat down to Taylor and put my hand on his. I wanted him to tell me what was going on inside his head. Holding stuff like this in wasnt good for anyone. What are you going to do?

He shook his head. Dont know. I can still play instruments, but I dont have my brothers or even my voice. I dont know if music is a possibility for me anymore. I could tell that it was getting harder for him to not fall apart. He needed to cry or punch something or maybe just scream. But he wouldnt. Maybe he was ashamed? Or maybe, he was convinced that he had to be the strong one. That he had to take care of me. But really, I would rather we take care of each other from now on. Whats really going to kill me is the loss of my family. I just, God this is hard, I just miss them so much Its like Im right here but they cant see me. Im nothing to them and I just miss how things used to be before before all of this.

Before me. He wanted to say before me.

I just knew it.

And now that I know Ill never get them back, I just feel like Im dead, he continued, miserably. I squeezed his hand supportively. I wouldnt let him down. I was going to be there for him through everything. Its like everything that I loved about life is now gone. My family, music, Brooke its all gone.

I know, I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder. But Im here. Ill always be here. And I will help you be happy as much as I possibly can. And I meant that with my entire heart and soul.

Taylor turned to me, a weak smile on his face. Ditto.

There was a knock on the door and I quickly wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. Taylor walked to the other side of the room and turned on the TV. I told the person at the door to come on, willing my voice to remain steady. The door slowly opened and Zac came in, a hopeful expression on his face. I just shook my head solemnly as Brooke followed him in, clutching a small bag, oblivious to the earth-shattering drama surrounding her. Zac turned to Taylor, who immediately looked away. Zac looked down at the ground, realizing that we had failed.

Hey, Brooke began, looking at Taylor, Zac, and I suspiciously. Is everything okay?

I forced a grin. Yeah. We were watching Old Yeller. It was on one of the movie channels and the dang ending gets us every time. Doesnt it, Abby? I couldnt even hide the grimace that appeared when I called him Abby. It was something that Ive never been able to adjust to, and I doubt I ever would.

"Yeah, he mumbled, unable to look at Brooke. I felt a slight tug at my heart, seeing as how Brooke was still the girl in his heart.

It was extremely obvious that Zac, who could always fix everything, had no idea how to handle this situation. It seemed as though Zac had fully expected to see us back to normal when he and Brooke returned and now that that wasnt the case, he looked incredibly confounded. The questions in his head were floating all around him, and he was helpless to ask anything while Brooke remained in earshot.

Even Brooke was picking up on the weirdness. But honestly, how could she not? I looked like I had been crying for hours, Taylor refused to look in her direction, and Zac looked as though he was about ready to burst at the seams.

It was then that Isaac entered the bedroom. Brooke smiled amicably, probably glad to see a cheerful face, while the rest of us retained our semi-vacant stares at anything but each other. Isaac looked at us three non-acknowledging people, scratching his head.

Um, am I interrupting something? Isaac asked, looking at me suspiciously. I suppose that I looked the worst out of the three. It looks as though you guys have just lost your best friend or something

Taylor choked on a sob, causing Isaac to turn his attention to him worriedly. My heart broke as Taylor quickly excused himself and fled to the bathroom. Brooke turned to follow him but Zac grabbed her arm gently and shook his head. She was thoroughly confused now, along with Isaac.

What did I say? Isaac asked, looking at me sadly. I didnt mean to hurt anybody I didnt think that

I held up a tired hand to silence him. Ike, its not your fault. Sheswell, wereum, we were talking about some sad stuff and that just reminded her of what wed just been talking about.

Is she okay? Brooke asked, biting her fingernails. Is there anything I can do?

I think she should be alone for a little while, Zac advised, knowing Taylor better than I. She likes to think for a while before talking about her feelings. Shes always been like that Even Zac was having a hard time keeping his voice even and untainted by emotion. He had lost his brother, probably forever, and knew it. I couldnt help but feel sorry for him and his entire family. They were losing their beloved son and getting me instead.

And, I wouldnt wish that on anybody.