Chapter 9 - Where were all the randy lesbians?

Taylor

Soundlessly and swiftly, the gazelle makes its way through the new and dangerous territory. He’s without the protection of the pack and easy pickings for the vast array of predators. Frightened and lost, the gazelle continues its journey into the unknown. With luck, he managed to make it through the night unnoticed and unharmed. The life of the gazelle is dependent on luck and luck alone, and he was fortunate that there were no hungry predators patrolling during the night.

With newfound confidence, the gazelle rejoices in the fact that he is almost out of the perilous wilderness, and soon away from its killers. He is so close to freedom that he breaks into a sprint. Suddenly, he hears the thunder of powerful paws following close behind them. As it gets louder, the gazelle loses its cool, level-headedness. The gazelle, now careless, darts toward freedom with all his might.

With a bloodcurdling cry, the gazelle collapsed as the sharp teeth of his predator sunk into the tender skin. The lioness pounced on the poor gazelle with amazing agility and exuberance. The thrill of the kill empowered the she-lion as she tore through her prey. Pitifully, the gazelle gasped for its last gasping breath as realization hit the poor beast. There was no escape.

“What are you doing, Abby?”

I darted around to see a young, plump woman glaring at me with her arms folded across her chest. She looked like the Swamp Thing with her hair in a ratted mess from sleeping and her make-up that she’d neglected to remove last night was smudged all over her face. I assumed this creature from a black lagoon was Abby’s sister.

“Huh?” I asked, inwardly groaning. I was about two steps away from the backdoor, therefore two steps away from freedom. I had been driven here by Isaac late last night. Miraculously, I managed to find Abby’s bedroom without being detected. After hearing about Abby’s horror stories about confrontation from my family, I decided to avoid interaction with her relatives by any means necessary. Silent as a mouse I’d crept through the house this morning with confidence I could pull off avoiding them for now. From the looks of this girl standing near me, one would have thought going to school was considered a federal offence.

“You’re sneaking around here suspiciously,” she remarked, walking towards the fridge pulling out a carton of orange juice. She got herself a glass and poured herself some. She motioned to pour me a glass but I refused. No, all I wanted was to get the hell out of here.

“No, I’m not,” I protested, itching my thigh. I didn’t think it was possible to hate anything more that Zac’s clothing but I was incredibly wrong. The female uniforms given by Dayton were made of the itchiest, scratchiest material I’d ever seen. And, I am accustomed and don’t mind suffering a little for the sake of looking good. The top wasn’t so bad, really. It was a button down white blouse and there was a maroon suit coat over that. It’s the same thing I normally wear. The bottom, however, is an entirely different story. I couldn’t believe that maroon, black, and white plaid skirts could be so horrendous with all the roughness against Abby’s soft bare legs. Then there were the knee-highs… white knee-highs that were so tight at the top that I though I was cutting off my circulation from the knee down. Women had to wear this everyday?

Abby’s sister shrugged, obviously not believing me, and put the orange juice back into the fridge. “What time did you come home last night?”

“I don’t remember.”

She snorted. “Do you remember HOW you got home or is that too hard a question too?”

I found this girl less than charming to say the least. “Yeah, I grabbed the tail of a flying monkey and let go of it as it flew past our house. I thought it would save on gas money and he seemed like a nice mammal at the time…”

“Whoa, what’s gotten into you to make you so sarcastic in the morning?” The girl asked, unfazed. She opened the door and motioned for me to follow her out. At least I was getting a little bit closer to freedom. “How was that party Saturday night? Was it as fun as you thought it would be?” The girl burst out laughing. “I’ll bet no one paid any attention to you at all. I mean, honestly Flabby. Why in the world would a socialite like Brooke want anything to do with a poor, unpolished girl like you? She’s obviously using you for something because frankly, it just doesn’t add up.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “You’re a bitch.” With that said, I strode past her with my chin held high and started my long walk to school. I suppose it wasn’t really too long of a walk, about five miles, but it was long compared to a nice drive in my black Explorer. I swear, I definitely got screwed the most in this switching bodies mix up. I have to deal with non-stop bleeding for a week. I have to wear this uncomfortable, unflattering uniform to school. I have to walk five miles to school. And now I have to deal with some ugly bitch who obviously has issues with Abby. What next? Is her mother manic-depressive?

I entered Dayton Academy with a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. It was one thing to have to dodge family members and stuff but to be in school? Although to the naked eye I appeared to be one hundred percent Abby Deluca, it felt as though everyone knew. Every time someone glanced in my general direction it felt as though they saw a boy wearing girl’s clothes. It seems ridiculous but the feeling was prominent.

I arrived at my locker and unlocked it quickly. I had an English essay due last period and I had to make sure Abby had it in order to hand it in for me. I had done it Thursday, the day it was assigned, in order to get it out of the way. Not that I was expecting the weekend I had, but no one likes to do homework on the weekend.

“Abby?”

Okay, where was the damn thing? It was five pages long typed! That kind of work couldn’t go without reward! If I didn’t hand it in this afternoon I doubted Ms. Tulley would give me an extension.

“Abby!”

I bolted around when I realized the voice was talking to me. Ashley was looking at me questioningly and I groaned as I realized just how fatiguing today was going to be. Despite what people tend to think, pretending to be a girl is harder than it looks. Especially when my stomach hurts all the time. Being a girl sucks. I can only imagine how terribly NOT fun sex would be.

“Hey, what’s up Ashley?”

He raised an eyebrow. “So, now you call me Ashley too? What are you doing in Taylor’s locker?”

“Um, well, he asked me to find his English paper for him,” I replied, quickly. I smiled innocently and continued to fish through my locker. It had to be here somewhere.

“Why?”

Did he have to be so damn difficult?

“I don’t know why,” I muttered, trying not to swear malevolently at him. Not only was he trying my limited patience but I was now starting to panic over my paper. “I didn’t ask.”

“That’s pretty nice of you,” he commented. “For some reason I thought you and Taylor didn’t get along. He seemed to think that you were angry with him for some reason. I don’t know. He was pretty messed up at that party.” Ashley burst out laughing. “He even tried to convince me that he was you trapped in his body! Isn’t that hilarious?”

“It’s a hoot,” I mumbled, biting my lip. “Do you always blabber on to people about Taylor’s business?”

He abruptly stopped laughing. “I wasn’t telling his business… I just thought it was funny… I didn’t mean to…”

“Whatever man, it doesn’t matter,” I interrupted, as he shuffled his feet nervously. “But maybe sometimes you should think before you speak. ABBY!” I screamed, waving my hand frantically as I saw her looking around puzzled. She saw me, rolled her eyes, and walked over.

“Don’t you mean Taylor, Abby?” She sneered.

“Isn’t that what I said?”

“No, you called me Abby, genius.”

“Hey Tay,” Ashley exclaimed, hitting Abby in the arm. She smiled stiffly and averted her attention back to me. “I don’t think Abby’s having much luck finding that paper though. Dude, your locker looks like my sock drawer. Smells like it too…”

Both Abby and I just glared at Ashley’s stifling unsuitability. I had known the kid for years and sometimes he surprises me. I’ll think he’s pretty stupid but then he convinces me that I’m far too generous and he’s in fact very stupid.

“Yeah, your required five page paper for English class you asked me to find,” I explained, smiling. “Remember?”

“Of course I do,” Abby replied, roughly putting an arm around my shoulder. “Abby’s such a great girl. I’m so lucky you’re so kind to devote your time to my silly, insignificant paper when I’m sure you have plenty of your own problems to worry about.” I felt her grip tighten and inhaled quickly. I swear, when I’m a boy and regain my strength again I’ll show her what it’s like to be the weak one! She beats me up worse than Zac!

“What do I have to deal with today?” I moaned, frowning. It only seems fair that since I have to deal with the physical handicaps and horrors, she should at least deal with the academic stuff. But since when was life fair?

Abby smiled falsely at Ashley before grabbing my arm and roughly pulling me out of earshot. She dug through the suit coat she was wearing and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. I took it and opened it carefully. It had a list of all her classes, where she sat in all of them, and their room numbers; her locker number and combination, where to sit in lunch, and even a side note that said, “Mess this up and you’re dead.”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “Lovely sentiment, Abby. Really, it touches the soul.”

“Whatever, just please follow this schedule exactly and we will have no problems,” she explained, before stomping her foot impatiently. “Where is my list?”

“I didn’t know you required a list,” I mumbled, stepping back slightly as Mount Abby exploded into a temper tantrum.

“You idiot!” She hissed, with the common sense to whisper. The last thing either of us wanted was for others to think something weird was going on between the two of us. “How in the hell do you think I’m going to be able to pretend to be your stupid ass without some sort of itinerary? I will have no idea where I’m going all day today! Are you really this dim-witted, Taylor, or are you just putting on a show for me?”

“For God’s sake, Abby, would you calm down?” I exclaimed, noticing people were starting to look in our direction. “You’re making me look like an asshole!” Before she could make a sarcastic reply I continued quickly. “I can write you a list in homeroom. It’s really no big deal. I’ll give it to you before first period and we’ll be right as rain, okay? Now take a deep breath because you’re really making me look kind of frantic and irrational.”

Abby opened her mouth as if to say something but decided to shut it instead. “Fine. I’ll meet you after class at your locker.” I started to walk away before she grabbed my arm, this time it was surprisingly gentle. “Before you go I need you to promise me something.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Don’t tell anyone about my house or where I live,” she whispered, looking around cautiously. “Only Brooke knows I went to a public school before I came here and I’d like to keep it that way. My house is humble and I’m trying desperately to fit in. So, be decent and keep it to yourself, okay?”

“Sure,” I replied, slowly. I couldn’t understand why coming from a smaller house and having less material objects would really cause her to fret like this but since I was not in a similar situation I couldn’t imagine her feelings. Dayton Academy was a snob school, no doubt, but why Abby really gave a flying fart through space about what these egotistical lemmings thought was beyond me.

After giving Abby the room number and where I sat for homeroom, I made my way to Abby’s homeroom. The room was only moderately noisy and I found my seat easily. Making sure no one was paying attention to me, I re-opened the list Abby had made.

What a terrible schedule! Would I actually have to endure these classes? World history is first period, followed by English, calculus, honors biology, and then finally lunch. She kick starts the afternoon with a little honors chemistry, adds a little gym class, and tops the day off with a Spanish class. Geez, does the girl ever take a break? I could handle the history and English classes, but I was sure the Spanish class would kill me. The only words I knew in Spanish were Taco, burrito, and enchilada.

I ripped a piece of paper out of one of my spiral notebooks and quickly scribbled down my classes and other helpful facts. Hopefully, I’d get everything to her liking and avoid yet another Abby Deluca temper tantrum. In my body, I feared she’d give me a bad reputation.

The bell sounded finally, freeing us all from the burden of homeroom. I never really understood the purpose of homeroom. All they did was take attendance at the beginning of the day. Were first period teachers incapable of taking proper attendance in their classes? Why not simply go to first period and let them take morning attendance? They take attendance anyway!

I met Abby at my locker and she took the paper quickly. She read it and frowned.

“Economics, government, study hall, world history, lunch, music theory, psychology, English. You have no math and science classes!”

I grinned boastfully. “No, I don’t. I took some sort of standardized test and it seemed to put me above the high school level. So, I just get to take interesting courses.”

She snorted, as we made our way down the hall. “You call history and economics interesting? They’re so boring. Math is logical, science is fascinating, and history and economics are dull.”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring her as we walked down the hallway together. The last thing I wanted was to get her all riled up and humiliate me in front of the entire school. As if I didn’t have a hard enough time dealing with school, she would make things a million times worse. I was already considered a freak. With her help I could be considered psychotic.

“Okay, here is my English paper. It’s very important so don’t forget to turn it in. Ms. Tulley doesn’t ask for them. She just has us put them on her desk before class starts. Please don’t forget,” I stated, handing her a nicely stapled paper. “Anything I need to be aware of?”

“Nope, I haven’t been assigned anything yet,” she replied, stashing the paper in a blue folder. “And you needn’t be worried. I’m hardly incompetent.”

I glared at her. “I wasn’t insinuating that! For Heaven’s sake can you not assume everything that comes out of my mouth is a direct insult towards you?”

“Whatever, Abby, just don’t do anything stupid to embarrass me,” she warned, turning to go to my Economics class. World history was first on her list, which would be entirely manageable. I enjoyed history so this class would be a no-brainer. My brain could use a break anyway.

Lunch came none too soon. I already hated her entire schedule. At least now I could enjoy a lovely period with fine cafeteria dining with the lovely Brooke Thompson. She smiled and waved me over when we made eye contact in the lunchroom. I sat down and she grinned.

“So, how is your day going?” She asked, chewing a plain celery stick.

I set down Abby’s books and grinned back. “Hectic. I feel as though it’s the first day at times. Your party must have been so huge that it knocked me clear to last Monday.”

She laughed, a sweet, twinkling laugh. “Your flattery will get you everywhere, Miss Deluca! I know how you feel though. It’s so hard to get back into the swing of things after having the entire summer off.”

“I can honestly say that my senioritis has flared up to full strength…” I commented, wishing I had remembered to pack myself a lunch this morning while dodging the sister from hell.

“You know, I heard that was going around,” Brooke said, in mock seriousness. “It’s a terribly painful ailment.”

“Yeah, I hear that it causes restlessness and slight insanity.”

“In that case I think I’ve been infected since the freshman year!”

Our laughing finally died down when Uma and Sandra sat down at the table. Brigitte and Tiffany arrived shortly after and the conversation headed in a completely new direction.

“Hey guys!” Tiffany exclaimed, as she sat down across from me. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, “ Brooke replied. “The usual blah Monday.”

“I hear you,” Sandra commented, sipping her iced tea. “This day has been dragging on forever! Only three more periods left to go and we’re free.”

“Amen,” Brooke exclaimed, with a wink. It seemed as though she was in an impeccable mood this afternoon. Most of the time she was rather quiet at the lunch table. I wondered what had caused this lark to change her song? Yes, I realize I just said that and that I am a colossal dork.

I spotted Abby walking in with Eric and Ashley and waved to get her attention. She waved back with little enthusiasm and plopped down at my table next to Eric. I suppose she wasn’t exactly ecstatic at pretending to be me for the day either.

“So, how long have you known Taylor?” Tiffany asked, watching carefully.

I looked at her and frowned. “Um, for only a little while really. You know, we’re both new here and all so I guess we kind of connected… on a friendly basis that is.”

“I see,” Tiffany muttered, sipping her diet coke seductively. “I’m going to sleep with him before the month is over.”

“Are we taking bets?” Sandra asked. “I give it one week.”

“A week? You’re being far too generous,” Uma muttered. “I give it a day. I don’t believe that holier than thou bullshit he’s trying to exude. I’ll bet he’ll sleep with any willing female.”

“You’re forgetting the fact that he denied Tiff the night of the party,” Brooke insisted, casting an apologetic look over at the pouting Tiffany. “He could have slept with her then when he had the chance.”

“She’s got a point,” Brigitte agreed. “Put me down for three weeks.”

I just sat there completely appalled. And I thought men were pigs.

“Well, I bet that he’ll never sleep with Tiff,” I shouted, causing them all to quiet down. “He’s not into her! How many times do I have to tell you people that?”

“Don’t get so upset, Abby,” Brooke said, calmly. “But you have to be realistic. Tiffany is a beautiful girl and Taylor is a teenage guy. As upstanding as you believe him to be he is also a human being. Guys especially tend to give into temptation easily.” She took a bite out of her lamb that she’d brought for lunch. “You can’t fault a guy for wanting to sleep with Tiffany.” Tiff grinned boastfully.

I just shook my head. Is that how she imagined all men to be like? Like any man would just stick it in any semi-attractive female who’s willing to spread her legs? Okay, maybe a LOT of guys are like that but I am certainly not.

“So,” Brooke began, changing the subject. “Are you ready for some dodgeball?”

“Huh?” I asked.

“You know, that pathetic excuse for a sport we play when gym teachers run out of creative activities that consists of throwing and dodging foam balls?”

An elated grin broke out on my face. Gym class…

***

I stood outside the girl’s locker room in complete awe. Many a boy has dreamed about the erotic lesbian fantasies that have been imagined about this female sanctuary. There would be naked girls everywhere, lathering shampoo in each other’s hair and unhooking each other’s bras. An excited shiver traveled down my spine. One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

“Hey, are you waiting for an invitation?” Brooke asked, tugging on my arm. I grinned and entered the locker room giddily. It was as if I was floating on clouds.

My balloon was quickly harpooned. There were no girls showering! There were no bras being taken off! More importantly, there was no nudity! Where were all the randy lesbians?

I pouted as I followed Brooke to what I supposed were our lockers and changed into the clothes I’d found in Abby’s regular locker. The only glimpse of partial nudity I got was when I peeked at Brooke in her bra. To tell you the truth, I was almost too depressed to look. This was not at all what I’d imagined a girls’ locker room to be like. The next time I watched Revenge of the Nerds with Ike I was going to let him in on what REALLY went on in locker rooms. Nothing but stupid gossiping and bras. What a disappointment.

We walked out onto the gym and I just stared miserably at the floor. Brooke watched me worriedly and caught a ball before it pelted me in the head. I just sighed and scuffed my sneaker along the floor.

“Want to see something funny?” Brooke asked, whispering into my ear. It gave me a chill.

“Sure.”

She winked and stood in front of everyone. She turned to the side and bent down slowly and seductively to pick a loose ball up. One guy ran into another guy on his team while another guy accidentally threw a ball at the gym teacher’s head.

“Wow,” I murmured, clearing my throat as she returned. “That was something.”

She shrugged. “I figured that would get you out of your funk. Nothing better than watching horny boys run around like chickens with their heads caught off.”

“I thought Mr. Snidely was going to explode when that kid threw a ball at his head,” I chuckled, moving slightly to dodge a ball that was aimed in my direction. “Why the hell are people constantly throwing balls at us? I mean, we’re standing here and not throwing them back yet for some reason we’re their favorite targets.”

“This is how boys flirt,” Brooke muttered, as we both bent down to dodge yet another flying ball. “For some reason they think that if we get pelted with foam balls we’ll suddenly be interested in them. It’s quite sad.”

“Speaking of interested boys,” I began, innocently. “Would you ever consider going out on a date with Taylor? He’s the perfect gentleman, I assure you. Unless you don’t want him to be, of course… but he’s not a pervert! Oh, you know what I mean.”

She moved sideways to dodge another ball. “Oh, I don’t know Abby. Tiff seems pretty into him. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean much because she’s into a different guy every week.”

“So, you have no reason not to go out with him,” I insisted. “And you also know that I would never steer you wrong.”

“You better not!” She exclaimed, laughing. “Or I’ll beat the hell out of you next time we play dodgeball!”

“So… how about this Saturday night? Are you free?”

“Oh, what the hell. Sure…”

***

I hummed happily as I trotted to my house. Abby was going to have killer legs by the time she got her body back from all the walking I’ve had to do. But none of that was going to bother me today. I had a date with Brooke Thompson!

I nearly opened the door before I remembered that I wasn’t technically myself anymore. I knocked impatiently before Zac opened the door. He let me in and we marched into our room. Shutting the door closed behind us, I noticed Abby using my laptop on my bed.

“Find anything?” I asked, taking off the suit coat part of my uniform. I started digging through my pajama drawer and pulled out a pair of cotton plaid pants. They were old and frayed at the bottom, but after a grueling day of wearing that ungodly uniform I welcomed the comfort. I never thought I’d be one to say something like this, but sometimes fashion had to take a backseat to comfort. Especially when I had deep knee-high lines from those stupid socks they had to wear.

She peered over the computer and frowned. “You pee a lot.”

“Um, thanks I think.” I began to pull my skirt down and Zac immediately turned his head. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the cotton pants. Ah, that was much better. “Hey, Zac, could you get me a Dr. Pepper? Oh, and a snack too? I’m starved.”

“Since when am I your slave, Tay?” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Since I became a girl and Abby doesn’t know where anything in the kitchen is,” I muttered, impatiently. “Now can you please get some potato chips? I didn’t remember to pack a lunch so I’m starved. Hey! Does Mom still have those frozen pizzas? I’ll have one of those too.”

“HEY! Don’t you dare make me fat!” Abby exclaimed, loudly. “If you make me gain so much as a pound so help me God…”

“Make that a pizza, potato chips, a soda, AND some ice cream,” I corrected, making Zac rumble obscenities at me. “Thanks, Zac. You’re the best.”

And again with the rumbled obscenities.

“So, how was my day at school?” I asked, flopping on Ike’s bed. “Did you hand in my essay okay?”

Her head shot up and she turned to me slowly. “God, Tay, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot about it. I’ll beg her to accept it early tomorrow morning, I promise.”

“WHAT?!?” I screamed, standing up. “I asked you to do one thing for me and you can’t even do that! Do you know how much that paper was worth? It took me a damn long time to do too! I repeated it to you many, many times!” I took a deep breath before I erupted into a full-blown hissy fit. “And what was that you’d said about being hardly incompetent? Damn it, Abby.”

“Would you calm yourself down?” Abby exclaimed, clicking on my computer. “It was an accident. Would you just relax?”

“An accident? An accident!” I shouted, pacing the room back and forth. “This paper was worth so much of my grade, Abby! I haven’t scored anything less than perfect the entire time I’ve been here and thanks to you I have a fucking zero on a very important paper! For someone who cares so much about grades I find it hard to believe that you could just forget like that.”

“I said I’m sorry, Taylor! What else do you want me to do?” She questioned, tiredly. “She didn’t even ask for it. It was an honest mistake.”

“If you would have actually listened to me for two minutes this morning you would have heard me telling you not only how very important this paper was to me but also that you have to turn it in on her desk in the beginning of class and that she DOESN’T ASK FOR IT!” I was so angry with her it was scary. While I had worried and struggled to be as Abby-like as humanly possible she was completely blowing off her Taylor responsibilities. What a selfish bitch.

Zac reentered the room hesitantly, his arms full with everything I asked him to bring. He glanced from me to Abby and back to me again.

“Are you guys going to try to kill each other again?” He asked, nervously. He set my food down on the floor and backed away slowly. “Because if you are, I can leave.”

“Of course we’re not going to kill each other,” Abby replied, haphazardly. She continued to search the web for various curses and spells that had to do with switching bodies. “Your brother is just overreacting to something and throwing a fit about it. He’ll be done shortly.”

That was it. I finally snapped.

“Where are you going, Taylor?” Abby asked, as I grabbed the wrinkled uniform from the floor and bolted out the door. “TAYLOR! What are you doing? We have to find a cure! TAYLOR!”

Her bellows fell on deaf ears. I was so furious at the moment I knew that if I didn’t walk away now the shit would have definitely hit the fan. She practically ruins a whole class grade for me and she feels absolutely no remorse. What kind of person does that make her? Even if I hated school with a fiery passion that didn’t mean I didn’t care about my grades at all. Besides, I wanted to prove to my mother what a colossal waste of time going to school was for me. How was I supposed to be proving her wrong when I’ll be lucky to pull a B out of the class? A fucking B in English.

If she wanted to play dirty, she’ll get dirty.