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This is the letter I sent to all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I hope that by having this on my website, it may give others ideas on how to come out to their extended family.

June 23, 2003

Dear Family,

I am sending this letter to all of you because there is something important that I need to share and it has been too long delayed. I have tried to find a way to tell you this before, but have not been able to do so. I guess it is not something you can just come out and tell your family during a holiday gathering. In addition, I wanted everyone to hear this directly from me. So writing a letter to you all seemed the best way to go about this. Here is what I want you to know:

Though the majority of people in this world are heterosexual, a significant minority of men and women are homosexual. While a person who is heterosexual is attracted to someone of the opposite sex, a person who is homosexual is attracted to someone of the same sex. I am, and have always been, a person who is gay.

It is important that I tell you this. I feel that living one’s life with integrity and honesty is essential. My past dodging of questions relating to attraction, dating, marriage, and the like is not in line with my values and also is probably a little unhealthy. Plus, it is not right for me to withhold a large part of who I am from my family just because I feel a little apprehension about sharing this. Though believe me, there is some legitimate concern about deciding to tell the truth and live as an openly gay person in a society that still largely believes homosexuals are bad people.

Some of you may have already guessed this anyway and were just waiting for me to tell you. Or you might be completely surprised. You might also have some genuine, thoughtful questions – such as “How long have you known that you were gay,” “What about the Bible,” or “Do you have a boyfriend?” I will gladly discuss all these things with anyone who wants to.

I shared this with Mom and Dad two years ago. Before that, I told a few other family members. All of my friends and co-workers know. I am also involved in civil rights work for gay people and work with gay youth (I’m including a few pictures.) I am very proud of who I am and the work I do. My only regret in all of this is that I waited to tell everyone in my family who I don’t see quite as much.

Ask any gay person and they will tell you that coming out is hard. I have lost friends and have had bad things said about me. But despite the cost, I would do it all over again if given the chance.

And if you are wondering, yes - I still want to find someone special, get married, and adopt kids someday. I have met many wonderful gay couple who have been together for over twenty years. But even if that were not to happen, I am not going to live pretending to be someone I am not. Even if you cannot understand everything about homosexuality, I know you can understand and appreciate that.

With love to you all,

Jamie McDaniel

p.s. Though I am sending you a letter, I still will try to call everyone this week and just say hello. Hey, maybe you’ll surprise me by saying you had this one figured out years ago!