CHAPTER 34 - Yeah, Zac, it would have to be a dream come true to get fucked by you in a rented trailer. But only if you wore that bra on your forehead.

Abby

OH MY GOD! Isaac exclaimed, closing the door to our trailer. He reached into the mini-fridge and grabbed a bottle of water that the festival promoters provided for us. Did you hear the crowd? Did you fucking hear them? Actually, you could still hear the screaming very well from within the trailer. It was as if no walls were separating us from the insane fan posse outside.

Zac flopped onto the couch, an elated grin on his face. To me, his expression looked as though hed just had mind-blowing sex. He wiped his sweaty forehead on one of the alarmingly white towels supplied for us. Yeah, I fucking heard them! It was incredible! He winked at me. We were so awesome!

I was still shaking from being on stage. It had been both extremely terrifying and thrilling. Id never felt a rush quite like that. The energy of the crowd had been so infectious that I thought that at some point I would explode from excitement overload. I remembered looking out at the audience at certain points and just being in complete awe of the unadulterated devotion that I was receiving. Those girls loved me. And during a number of parts of the mini-concert, for some reason, I actually loved them too. Or at least, I felt like I did.

I now understand why Taylor sometimes has a little too much self-love. He had fans that worshipped the ground he walked on.

And those people didnt even know him. Lord help them if they did.

Isaac happily sat down next to Zac on the couch and grabbed a clean towel. Yeah He sat up straight and glared at Zac sternly. What the hell was that outburst in Mmmbop? Did you plan that the entire time?

Zac looked at me and shrugged. No. Tay needed a laugh.

I almost backed up as Isaacs heated gaze fixated on me. I was a little afraid, to tell the truth. I didnt like it when he looked at me like that. Although, honestly all I could think of was sex. Shocking, I know. Im such a guy sometimes. But in my own pathetic defense, they both looked like they had one hell of a romp in the sack. They were all sweaty and panting and flushed, the dopiest boy-grins on their faces. I bravely dared to look at MYSELF in the mirror. In that instant I felt my stomach hit my kneecaps.

If they just had sex then I just got FUCKED, I looked so disheveled.

I hope to God I dont get a boner from this sexy boy overload.

I put my hair in pigtails, using rubberbands I found lying in the trailer, just so I wouldnt turn myself on anymore. Isaac and Zac just looked at me oddly as I turned to face them, pigtails bobbing from the top of my head. Ignoring them, I grabbed a towel and wiped the back of my neck.

What happened out there, man? Isaac asked, softly. He wasnt jumping down my throat or anything. He was just merely concerned. You, like, completely froze. Thats so unlike you.

I shrugged, wiping my face. I was so sweaty that I was sticky. I dont know. I guess I just started thinking about stuff and I just got scared.

Isaac looked incredibly sensitive. What were you scared about?

My, his eyes are intoxicating when hes worrisome

Well, Zac interrupted, quickly. I thought the audience liked the interruption. I mean, I thought it was a nice way to joke around with them and everything. Who would have thought that so many of them would have been so eager to donate their bras to Taylors worthy cause? I was so grateful that Zac was on my side. He got me out of so many uncomfortable situations. He unhooked the bra on his forehead and whistled. I think I can fit my entire face into one of these cups! Damn, would I like to get the girl who this belongs to here alone in this trailer And then the idiot actually TRIED to stick his face in it. Doesnt he realize that that was once supporting some girls oversized tit?

I rolled my eyes and grabbed for an icy cold bottle of water. Yeah, Zac, it would have to be a dream come true to get fucked by you in a rented trailer. But only if you wore that bra on your forehead.

I know, wouldnt it?

Itd be the best two and a half minutes of her life

HEY!

Isaac chuckled and took a long swig of his water. My mouth opened slightly as I watched his Adams apple bob as he swallowed. God, he was hot when he swallowed. If he was really as spent as he looked, I could very easily attack him and rape him right on that faded, floral couch.

Damn that penis of mine. It got in the way of all my dirty plans.

Well, do you guys have everything you came in here with? Zac asked, getting to his feet. Well have to face the hungry mob sooner or later. We quickly grabbed what little stuff we had that belonged to us. We were so pumped from our amazing performance that we were actually excited to see the fans, myself included.

If I only knew what the hell I was getting myself into.

Isaac headed out first, which caused another wave of roaring cheer amongst those who waited to see us off into our car. Before Zac stepped out after him, he squeezed my shoulder and told me to sign a couple of autographs before politely making my way to the car. I nodded, more excited to see Taylor than anyone else. I wanted to know how he rated my performance. I was about ready to step out when Zac stopped me abruptly.

Hair, Abby, he said, snickering. My hands instantly went to the top of my head. As much as humiliating Taylor amuses my pathetic soul, I feel as though hes been through enough punishment today. Why the hell did you put your hair in pigtails anyway?

I quickly ripped the rubberbands out of my hair and tousled it roughly. Eh, no reason. Lets go.

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I stepped out of the trailer. Girls were pushing and screaming Taylors name hysterically. I grinned cockily and looked for Taylor. He was way the hell over by the car. We made eye contact and I waved excitedly. However, before I could so much as take a step towards him, I was surrounded by drooling teenage girls. Hands were pulling at me everywhere as girls desperately tried to get my attention.

Hi, Taylor!

Youre so hot!

I love your hair cut.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

I love you, Taylor!

Are you really keeping that bra?

And of course, lets not forget, SCREAM!!!!!

I just tried to smile and look pretty (and looking pretty is SO hard for Taylor, it truly is) as I scribbled a signature on various items thrown in my face. There were girls in tears everywhere and I couldnt help but feel bad for the pathetic saps. Theyd probably let me take a dump on their faces if I asked pretty please. And that kind of depresses me.

You were so awesome today! A blonde girl squealed, excitedly.

Thanks! It was nice to stroke the ego every now and then.

A beautiful brunette found her way into my path and smiled shyly. She wasnt yelling or crying or grabbing my poor, violated body, she just was looking at me in awe. I could kind of understand how looking at Taylor, especially in the sweaty state I was in, might make someones jaw drop. She caught herself staring and smiled, embarrassed.

Perhaps I should have kept the pigtails in order to help the girls keep their wits about them.

Hi, I said, signing something another girl shoved into my face.

Hi. Im Natalie, she began, softly. I could tell just by looking at her that if I were the real Taylor, Id have been drooling all over myself. She was another one of those girls with that blasted it quality. And, if she wasnt so nice Id probably hate her for it.

I politely shook her tiny hand that was trembling slightly. Taylor. Nice to meet you.

I love your music. Her cheeks were reddening more and more every time she opened her mouth.

TAY! ZAC! I heard Isaac shout. I looked over and saw him waving by a black van. We need to leave!

Thanks a lot. It was nice meeting you, I said to Natalie, waving energetically to the rest of the crazy fans. As I made my way over to Zac, I think I was grabbed, pushed, pulled, and felt up in every direction. Hands, stuffed animals, pens, papers, and posters were thrusted towards me, nearly poking my eye out once. Girls were frantically screaming in my face to get my attention and I tried to block out the entire ordeal as I slithered through the crowd. These girls were animals, I tell you! Bloody animals!

I saw that Zac was chatting it up pretty good with another striking brunette. She was tall and even thinner than I was! In my girl form, that is. No one outside of Auschwitz is skinnier than Taylor. The only thing was, instead of being extraordinarily plain looking like I am, she was absolutely gorgeous. Rolling my eyes at Zacs shameless flirting, I grabbed his arm.

Come on, Casanova, I muttered, pulling him and his raging hormones from the poor girl. Zac tried to pull away from me but I managed to catch him off balance, and therefore had the rare ability to drag him away.

Wait a minute, Tay, I need her phone number, Zac protested. The brunette looked so happy it seemed she was going to explode. Personally, Id love to put his hair in pigtails. That may keep the female hormones to a minimum. Maybe Ill try that some night hes passed out on the top bunk

Nope, sorry, we need to go.

But Was Zac pleading? This girl was good. Zac doesnt plead.

Its a shame for him that his feeble pleas have fallen on deaf ears.

No buts!

BYE KATE! He hollered, as girls cheered and grabbed us all the way to the car. We made it to the car in one piece thankfully, but before we got in Zac turned to me and glared hatefully. You know, I was this close to getting her phone number.

I groaned and shoved him into the van. Yeah, and I was going to marry the one I was talking to. Shut up and get in the car.

My face lit up as I noticed that Brooke and Taylor were sitting in the very back of the van. Since they were a lot smaller than beefy Zac and fat-ass Ike, who were sitting in the middle seat, I moved to the back where I was seated comfortably next to Taylor. He was the one I wanted to see anyway. The fans were nice to get compliments from but it was Taylors opinion that really mattered to me. Mr. Hanson was in the front seat next to the driver.

Well, that was a great show, Mr. Hanson began, as we began to pull away from the gaggle of girls. There were so many that were trying to jump in front of the van that the festival security had to have been called to keep us from killing any one of those stupid girls. Hey, why stop them? If they wanted to risk their idiot necks, let them have their fun. We could play a game with them. You know, every time you hit one you get five points. If she bleeds, ten.

What? I think it sounds like fun.

Meanwhile, Isaac is waving politely out the window and Zac is getting yelled at for attempting to moon them. Great idea Zac, Im sure once they see a naked part of you theyve never seen before, theyll see the error of the moronic ways and stop diving in front of the van. And since Zac kind of has a cute butt (I HAVE seen all three boys naked, remember), I know for a fact that the girls will just get wilder.

I roughly jabbed Zac in the back of the shoulder, causing him to yelp. Youre such an attention whore.

Zac, stop calling Taylor an attention whore, Mr. Hanson chastised, not looking up from his Readers Digest. Its not nice. He cant help it if the girls pick apart everything he does and make a big deal out of it. This caused Zac, Ike, and I to burst into laughter.

Haha!!!! Taylors own father thinks hes an attention whore!

And Taylor looked incredibly miffed.

Um, that was me who said it, I said, snorting a little. I said it to Zac.

Mr. Hanson set down his magazine and turned to me apologetically. Gosh, Tay, Im sorry. I just assumed that Zac said it

No prob, big guy. I would have thought the same thing, I said, as Zac still chuckled obnoxiously. Taylor did his best to look as arrogantly vexed as he felt. I only continued to shake my head disapprovingly at the loud girls. As if jumping in front of their van would make Hanson think, Now thats a girl to bring home to Mom.

Zac whistled as some girl ran smack into his side of the van, resulting in a loud thunk. Now thats a girl to bring home to Mom.

You know, Zac really scares me sometimes. He really does.

Well, I thought the show was absolutely incredible! Brooke gushed, looking mostly at me. The unnatural shaking of the van via fan insanity was beginning to make her look uneasy. I think she was desperate to get her mind off it. All I can say is wow.

Hey, thanks! I turned to Taylor. And what did you think?

He shrugged. It was okay. Ill give it a six out of ten. I think the only person who wasnt glaring at him was the driver. And he was too busy humming Eleanor Rigby to know what the hell was going on around him. Taylor, after noticing our put out expressions, burst out laughing. Geez, Im kidding! You guys were awesome and you know it! This caused everyone one to relax around him.

When we finally got back to our house, without any unnecessary fan carnage unfortunately, Isaac immediately jumped in the shower. Brooke shortly after excused herself to use the other restroom, leaving Zac, Taylor, and I alone to speak freely.

Before I could even question Taylor again, I felt a pair of arms thrown around my waist. He rested his head on my chest and sighed. Thank you so much for what you did for me and my brothers. I was about to reply when I felt a pair of stronger arms come from behind me and hug both Taylor and I together. Zac then just barely rested his head on my shoulder. I was a bit taller.

I was in Heaven. Absolute Heaven. Im not sure when I died, and how I ended up in Heaven exactly, but I was happy to be there.

So, tonight is all about you, Zac said, his head still resting lazily on my shoulder. I am not sad to report that he hasnt loosened his grip either. We are your indentured servants for the rest of the night. Well go wherever you want. You earned it!

Yup, Taylor agreed, yawning on my chest. It felt kind of weird, really, being yawned on. Especially since touching, for the most part, wasnt my favorite thing in the world. THIS touching was different though. Very, very different. Well do whatever you want.

Hmm, lets take a gander at this situation, shall we? I have two Hansons on each side of me, smashed against me like a couple of bugs that have just been swatted on the wall, telling me that they will do whatever I wanted. Its like Im dreaming, yet, Im completely awake! There are so many possibilities and really, my imagination is quite up to the challenge.

However, only one (G-rated) idea came into my head.

Karaoke! I exclaimed, excitedly. Both heads immediately popped off of my chest/shoulder. I want to go to a karaoke bar and get so shit-faced that I cant even walk! Today is Taylors and my last day to ignore our future and I want to be too numb to think about it. Both Taylor and Zac let go of me, Taylor sitting down on Isaacs bed and Zac taking off his sweaty t-shirt hed performed in. Obviously he was claiming the shower next.

Zac grinned. Havent you sung enough?

You want to sing? Taylor asked, doubtfully. Are you serious?

I winked at him. Yeah. I hear I have a nice voice.

Taylors face lit up and he tried his best not to look as utterly pleased as he was. Good old Taylor, always trying to act humble in the face of arrogance.

Hey, jelly-belly, I teased, poking Zac in the stomach. It looked so cute and fluffy that I just couldnt resist.

Zac quickly pushed my hand away. Shut up! Just because I dont have washboard abs like you oh wait, those arent abs! Those are your ribs!

I chuckled and left the poor guy alone. I was going to remind him that he wasnt making fun me, per say, but yet again mocking his dear older brother. However, I chose to bite my tongue for once. Zac certainly was sensitive about that tiny, insignificant tummy of his. I wouldnt be surprised if he knifed me while I slept tonight.

Zac was still glaring at me as I finally looked up at him. Without taking his eyes off me he said, Hey Taylor, hows your training bra?

That was SO uncalled for! No, that was just MEAN!

Dont hate those who are thinner than you, I spat, starting to get upset. Hey, Id merely been teasing him good-naturedly and then he had to go and say something nasty to me. Isaac and Taylor are really skinny. The fat gene had to come out sometime. Oh, and just so you know, Jenny Craig is just down the road.

His eyes flashed as he quickly pulled on another t-shirt, causing me to grin wickedly in my triumph. Maybe when Brooke comes back in here youll remember what boobs really look like. I mean, I dont blame you for not understanding. Its not your fault you were born with bee stings instead of breasts

Hed better sleep with one eye open tonight, I tell ya.

Taylor, who was way too busy drifting aimlessly in his own thoughts to even know we were speaking, looked nervous. Are you sure you want to drink? I mean, what if we say something or do something thatll jeopardize

Captain Out of the Blue has returned, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey guys, whatd I miss? Brooke asked, entering the bedroom suddenly. She sat down next to Taylor and looked up at Zac and I, who every now and then shot one another a look of seething hatred, expectantly.

Abby, obviously that can happen at any time, Zac stated, smiling sweetly at Brooke. I dont see why we cant go out and forget about life for a while. Itll be fun.

Whatll be fun? Brooke asked, excitedly. She was eyeing me in such a way that made me want to suddenly stay in.

Getting plastered! Zac exclaimed, as Isaac entered the room. He was dressed in a trendy pair of jeans and a pale blue button down shirt. He looked casual yet polished, as always.

Whos getting plastered? He asked, throwing his dirty clothes in the enormous hamper in the closet. Usually, the guys just threw their dirty clothes on the floor, but I suppose since Brooke and Taylor were here they didnt want them to realize what disgusting pigs they really were.

We are!

Great. Where at?

Taylor sighed dramatically, naturally drawing all of the attention to himself. Guys, I think getting drunk is unwise. I mean, think of all the bad things that could happen if the five of us got drunk!

Abby, what kind of trouble could we get into? Brooke asked, finger-combing her long hair. Were just going to celebrate the guys amazing performance. Just a little harmless fun for us teenagers

The only trouble I can see is if Abby cant keep her horny little paws off me, Zac said, smiling suggestively at Taylor. He looked over to Isaac and winked. What can I say? I make women crazy with my overwhelming manliness. Cant hardly blame her.

Taylor looked as though hed just tasted his own urine.

I just bit my tongue and prayed for the willpower to remain silent.

Whatever, Zac, Isaac replied, chuckling. So, are we all agreed on going well, wherever were going and getting wasted? Or are we going to think of something else to do on a Saturday night? Four pairs of eyes batted pleadingly at Taylor.

Taylor rolled his eyes, accepting his defeat. Were getting plastered.

We all cheered excitedly. At this point, we all had our reasons for wanting to get completely shit-faced. I suppose a better question to pose is why not? Why not get drunk? It feels good. It makes you forget your problems for a few hours. It makes you forget that youre a girl stuck in an extremely metro-sexual boy with fantastic hair volume.

Brooke insisted that she and Taylor run back to Abbys house to freshen up, which of course was code for transforming into tramps. Zac and I took showers and got ourselves dressed while Isaac dropped them off. After picking up Brooke and Taylor (about two hours later), Isaac called us a cab to get downtown.

Zac, his hair in a messy ponytail, was wearing loose-fitting jeans and a tight yellow t-shirt. He originally wanted to wear some horrible oversized t-shirt with the silhouette of a naked woman on the front, since hes a little sensitive about his ever so slight tummy (cant imagine why), but I yelled and nagged at him until he finally relented. It was my way of making peace. Poor guy never had a chance. I never lose an argument.

I decided to put myself in a black t-shirt and a pair of maroon corduroys. Zac tried to make me wear the leather pants, since he wanted me to suffer for making him wear something tight, but alas, I am a stonewall.

Come on, Tay, Zac said, since Isaac was also in the bedroom. If I have to be so damn uncomfortable tonight, so do you.

Says who? I countered.

The encyclopedia of life.

Eh, suck my I trailed off and started laughing. Haha, Zac! Suck my dick! I can say that because Ive got one! Haha, isnt that wild?

Isaac set down his magazine and eyed me carefully. You act as though that surprises you. Did puberty come late for you, little brother?

Better late than never. I grinned innocently. It obviously hasnt come late for you, hotness.

Hey there, smiley, Brooke purred, her thigh oh so barely rubbing up against mine. So much for recalling fond memories. Zac, Taylor, Brooke, and I were all smashed into the backseat of the cab while Isaac managed to score the front seat. She was wearing a short red miniskirt, black tube top, and stiletto heeled hooker boots. She looked so hot that I think even Isaac stammered (more so than usual) when he spoke to her. Hell, I think I even stammered. Whatcha thinking about?

Isaacs penis.

The wonderfully numb feeling that comes along with being drunk.

I just dont know about this Taylor muttered, shaking his head. We all rolled our eyes simultaneously. I swear to God, I think my mother is less of a drag when it comes to participating in underage drinking.

Oh, dumpling, you know that as soon as you have a few shots of JD that youll be just fine Zac drawled, rudely rubbing his thigh. If Taylor hadnt slapped his fresh hand away, I would have been more than willing to do it for him. Zac merely laughed and looked out the window. He was such a perv.

Ill give Taylor credit though. He can sure as hell make a woman look good. He was dressed in a fairly short black skirt (though not nearly as short as Brookes) and a low cut lavender halter top. It actually made me look as though I had a chest. He HAD to have been wearing a push-up bra. Had to. I rolled my eyes at his utter maleness. The ass probably just wanted to look at breasts, so why not show off his borrowed pair?

As if Zac was reading my thoughts, I heard him whisper to Taylor, Your tits look great tonight. You do that for me?

Taylor punched him as hard as he could, causing Zac to whine like a girl. You touch me one more time or say something that makes me want to physically disgorge and youre losing a testicle.

Zac threw his head back and laughed. I love it when you talk dirty to me.

Theyre cute, arent they? Brooke whispered in my ears. I looked at her nervously. I hoped she wasnt getting any ideas in her pretty blonde head, especially if they involved my testicles.

We finally arrived at the karaoke bar and Isaac paid for the cab. On account of Taylor and his brothers fame, we all got into the bar without problem. Apparently no one cares if youre famous, loaded, and underage. We got ourselves a circular booth towards the back and Isaac ordered a variety of drinks for us to sample.

About an hour later, all of us were pretty leveled. Taylor was giggling like a hyena at every damn thing anyone said, Zac belched up a storm, Brooke was trying to entice me by licking her pouty lips, Isaac was talking too fast for anyone to understand him about his psychology class, and I was feeling a little dizzy and kind of confused. I dont know what I was confused about exactly, but I know I was confused about something confusing. Wait, did that make any sense? Im confused.

Hey, Zac, Taylor said, still giggling. He was such a freaking chick. I couldnt stand it. Remember that one time when you were trying to mack it to Sandy Ferguson and she cried when you showed her your penis? Remember?

Isaacs jaw dropped dramatically. Oh my GOD, how do you know that? Im beginning to notice that Isaac tends to gesture wildly when hes intoxicated. I wouldnt be surprised if someone gets a black eye due to one of his exclamatory sentences.

Zac howled with laughter and took another shot of tequila. He stuck out his tongue after he swallowed and then looked oddly content. Haha, yeah. She ran home and told her mother, who of course called Mom that very instant. Oh my God, that had to be the worst sex talk I ever had. He rolled his eyes and looked at Brooke. No one gives a sex talk like my Mom.

Isaac nodded. I remember when I got the sex talk from Mom. I was fourteen and gawky as all hell.

Taylor snorted. Youre still gawky as all hell.

Thank heavens Isaac was way too drunk to take offense to that, or to notice that wed all dodged his previous question. As if no one had interrupted him, he continued, I had my first date with Maggie, aw what was her name? Jeffrey. Maggie Jeffrey. Thats it. Anyway, I remember Mom coming in and telling me that girls were supposed to be treated like I would treat my mother.

Taylor cackled obnoxiously. She told me that too! Ugh, can you imagine that?

I eyed Taylor. I certainly hope you dont treat your mother like you do your dates!

Isaac just stared at Taylor. Wow, your hiccup mom said that too? That is so weird!

Isnt it, though? Then Taylor noticed a napkin lying lifelessly on the floor, stepped on it, was shocked and amazed that it stuck on his shoe, waved his foot around to show us his utter miracle, causing Zac to call him nut. Taylor then cleverly pointed out that nut unfortunately did not rhyme with sofa, but it did indeed rhyme beautifully with butt. He then found that hilarious, and proceeded to bombard our eardrums with more high-pitched giggling.

There may be a death on my hands before the night is over.

Ike, do you remember the time when you dared me to streak outside the Hilton in Philly? Zac exclaimed, pounding his fists loudly on the table. This caused Brookes drink to spill down the front of her chest and Taylor to giggle some more. I was about ready to strangle him.

Here, let me get that for you, Taylor said, carelessly rubbing Brookes chest with a napkin. Wet boobies arent happy boobies. You know what rhymes with boobies? DOOBIES! I rolled my eyes as best I could as Taylor hummed merrily. Taylor was so completely at home with a womans breast. I certainly wished that he would have considered the difference in tolerance levels before he downed four shots of Jack Daniels in a row.

Abby! Brooke squealed, knocking over Isaacs drink. Im surprised she had the coordination to keep from falling over. He jumped up just as it dumped onto his pants. I fought the urge to pull a Taylor and wipe his pants in long, rhythmic strokes I can wipe myself!

But its so much better to watch her do it for you, Zac murmured, resting his head lazily on his hand. Anyway, Isaac bet me a hundred bucks that I wouldnt run around the Hilton hotel naked. It was, like, four in the morning so of course I did it. God, do you remember when that sixty year old woman saw me and nearly had a heart attack? Isaac and Taylor chuckled loudly. We talked a little bit more before Zac got a far off look in his eye.

Taylor Hanson, Zac began, standing up slowly. Thats me, I guess. Have I got a surprise for you! He walked up to the small karaoke stage, causing Isaac, Brooke, Taylor, and I to cheer wildly. There were about four other people there in the bar, so we had to make it sound as though the crowd was cheering madly for him. He selected a song and went to the center of the stage like the old pro he was. I stood up and jumped up and down. Taylor quickly joined me.

I love you, ZAC! I screamed, pretending to be an obnoxious fan. I waved my hands around, fanning myself like an obsessed teeny.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT! Taylor shouted, as Brooke stood up. Isaac then made teenybopper squealing noises. I could definitely learn to live without ever hearing Isaac scream like a girl again. Zac pretended to be ever so modest and embarrassed, and told us to calm down. Yeah, he wanted us to calm down about as much as he wanted to get screwed up the ass by Nick Carter.

Ladies and gentlemen, Zac began, slurring his words only slightly. It was kind of funny, really. I always think its funny when drunk people try to act sober. Like they can fool us or something. This is a song that perfectly describes my sheer love, and hate, for Mr. Taylor Hanson, who is always a woman to me.

The music began and I almost wet my pants.

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me.

Zac stopped singing and grinned devilishly at me.

Taylor, Brooke, and Isaac just stared at me, waiting for my reaction.

BRAVO! I screamed, clapping loudly. I had loved it. Every stinking minute of it. If that song didnt just about wrap up my entire personality than I give you all permission to shave my head. And besides, a lot of girls can be crooned to with a sappy, insipid love ballad. It takes a certain something extra to get a sarcastic serenade. It really does. I was so pleased with Zacs little performance that it took all my self control not to dance for joy. The others were looking at me as though I had two heads spewing out of my neck. It just proves how little people actually understand me.

Zac, what the hell was that? Taylor exclaimed, as Zac haughtily approached the table. Wow, he really must have thought my feelings would have been hurt by that.

He sat down and took another swig of his now lukewarm Sex on the Beach. What was what? I leaned over and gave him a hug. He rolled his eyes and pushed me away. Yeah, yeah, youre welcome. Is my apology accepted then?

Definitely.

I dont get it, Brooke said, looking at Isaac.

Isaac finished off the rest of his JD. And you never will. Theyve been the most secretive sons of bitches lately. He reached for the bottle and he glared at me. Did you drink all of my Jack Daniels? Its not a big deal or anything, I just want to know.

Nope. Ew, I cant stand the stuff.

Isaac gave me a look. Come on, Tay, since when? I used to think Mom nursed you with that instead of milk when you were a baby, you always drank it so much.

Since now. I didnt drink all of your JD. I grinned and polished off the rest of my amoretto sour.

Well, who did then?

We all looked around at one another, innocent expressions on our faces. It was only when we heard that fucking giggle did we discover the JD bandit.

Taylor slapped his hands over his mouth after he realized we were onto him. Yeah, when he was piss-drunk Taylor was about as smooth as a cheese grater. Isaacs eyebrow raised and he looked at him incredulously.

You drank half of the entire bottle? He squeaked, completely shocked.

NOOOOOOOOOYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS.

Well, damn, Isaac exclaimed, clearly impressed. He looked over at Zac and I and raised an eyebrow. What the hell are you pussies drinking? Can you guys even feel it? I merely flipped him off. The hard stuff was way too bitter for me.

I grinned evilly at Zac. Whats your excuse?

Zacs cheeks stained pink. Its, um, a Sex on the Beach. And yes, when you drink twelve of them you can feel it, thank you very much. Men drink mixed drinks too, you know. It was obvious no one at this table believed him. Shut up all of you! He smiled at his little drink and told it not to be insulted.

Abby! Brooke exclaimed, hitting Taylor on the shoulder. You drank all that JD? Youre going to kill yourself! Or worse, you could have to get your stomach pumped!

A true drunkards logic.

Taylor just gazed at Brooke lovingly. I was wondering if he was going to try to kiss her. Which, honestly at this point, I would have welcomed because it would have been kind of funny to see Taylor get out of that mess. I dont know how he restrained himself considering the state he was in. He finally asked, Do you want to dance?

Me? Brooke asked, looking over at Zac. Dont you want to dance with your boyfriend?

Boyfriend! Isaac exclaimed, his eyebrows to the ceiling. Again, he was gesturing wildly. I didnt know you guys were going steady!

Zac scowled. Yeah, Ike. I just pinned her and tomorrow were going to the sock hop.

Im not wearing any socks, Taylor stated, pointing to his black heels. See? Zac, do you see? Youre not looking! Zac! He turned to his other side. Brooke, you see, dont you? You see that I have no socks on, right?

Yep. No socks. Taylor smiled triumphantly at Zac.

Come on, Abby, Zac said, rolling his eyes. He stood and grabbed Taylors arm to effortlessly pull him to his feet. Lets dance so we can sit down.

Taylor pouted and tried to free his arm. I dont want to dance with you. I want to dance with her.

Zac sighed and conceded. Fine. You know Im not one who likes to say no to a girl. He looked back at our booth and whistled. Hey, Brooke! Why dont you come out and dance with us? Youre looking too pretty to be hidden by a booth!

Brooke grinned and blushed. She quickly stood and as she made her way towards Taylor and Zac, flicked the back of my hair. I had to take a moment to appreciate the scene in front of me. Taylor was in the middle, facing Brooke, and was wiggling and giggling like the idiot drunk he was. I wonder if Taylor even realized he could move so retarded. I only wished I had a camcorder so I could make a permanent copy for blackmail. Brooke, on the other hand, even when plastered could move with some sensuality. It only served to make Taylor look even more ridiculous. And poor Zac, who was stuck behind the spastic Taylor, remained a good distance away so as not to get a concussion due to Taylors flailing arms. I thought it was really nice of Zac to dance with Taylor so he could really dance with Brooke.

It was then that I realized Isaac and I were alone.

So, Isaac, I began, fingering the top of my glass. How have you been?

He shrugged. I dont know. Busy. Bored. Lonely.

I felt like absolute crap. I knew why he was lonely. I just knew. Lonely?

I really dont want to talk about it now, he muttered, just staring at his glass. Im drunk. Youre drunk. Lets just leave it alone right now.

No, Ike, I insisted, sharply. I want to know now.

He glared at me. Well, you and Zac have been leaving me out of everything anymore. I dont understand when you guys talk to each other. Its like you speak in code. I hardly know these two girls were with, who are obviously huge parts of my brothers lives. I just found out tonight that the brunette is Zacs steady girlfriend! How do you think that makes me feel?

I felt like crying. I really did. Isaac, Im so sorry. Ive been such a bad brother and Im so sorry. I promise that Ill be better. Ill really try harder.

Isaac just scowled. Since when is it a matter of trying, Taylor? I just want to know why Im suddenly cut out of everything and why Zac is suddenly involved in anything. Why cant all three of us be in on everything?

I flustered terribly. I really wished I would have allowed him to keep this to himself right now because thinking was more laborious than I would have imagined. Putting together coherent truths was hard enough, let alone coherent lies. Iugh I

Just forget it, Taylor, okay? He interrupted, looking so hurt that I wanted to kill myself. I just miss my old brother. This new brother is a real piece of crap.

I sighed and looked over at Taylor and Zac nervously. They were going to kill me. Look, Im not your brother. I only hoped that when they realized exactly how much pain Isaac was in, theyd understand my decision.

I dont think Ive ever received such a dirty look before in my entire life. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I was so scared that my hands were trembling. Isaac could be a pretty terrifying guy when he wanted to be. Im not Taylor. Im Abby. See that brunette you were introduced to? Thats the real Taylor.

Isaac narrowed his eyes at me. You are mental. Stop trying to confuse your poor, drunk brother.

I groaned. Isaac was just as thick as Taylor and Zac had told me. Im not lying Isaac. Taylor and I were both at a party at Brookes house and somehow we switched bodies. You see, we both made stupid wishes to be closer to other people and it actually happened. Im not really Taylor. And Zac figured it out right away, after I kissed him and all, and weve been afraid to tell you. We thought youd get mad or tell your parents. But I cant lie to you anymore, Ike, because I think Im getting feelings for you Well damn. Of all times to get diarrhea of the mouth.

Isaac just stared at me. I dont know what was going on in his head but I was scared out of my mind. Was he mad that we didnt tell him sooner? Was he grossed out that I have a little crush on him? It seemed like eons passed before he gave me a reaction to the huge burden Id relieved upon him.

He burst out laughing and shook his head. Thats a pretty good story from the top of your head.

I wanted to kick him square between the eyes. Right now, he was making Taylor look like Einstein. Ike, Im being honest.

This only caused Isaac to howl with laughter. Okay, Tay, if you think acting like a complete whacko is going to make me forgive you, youre well, whacko. But, I appreciate the good laugh.

I sighed heavily. Well, Im glad someone finds it enjoyable. I was about ready to break the empty bottle of JD over his stupid, empty head when I heard Brooke exclaim, Abby, wheres Zac?

Taylor looked around before casually stating, Oh, hes just talking to some girl over there. He started dancing again but Brooke just glared at Zac like he was a serial killer. Taylor stopped dancing, looked back over to Zac, and sighed. Which, of course, really makes me MAD and I am going to give that bastard a piece of my mind! Taylor rushed over to Zac, Brooke dutifully right behind him.

Hey, you great big jerk! Taylor shouted, pulling Zacs arm roughly. Youre MY man, damn it! I damn near peed my pants at Zacs expression. But then, which I never saw coming, the icing on the cake occurred. Taylor slapped the shit out of Zacs face. My jaw dropped as the loud slap made all four or five of the people left in the bar turn and stare. Zac glared at Taylor angrily, clutching his stinging cheek. Taylor bit his lip to keep from laughing and Brooke only continued to glare Zac down with chilling intensity.

Hes taken, Brooke muttered, looking down snobbily at the other girl. I was amazed with Brookes loyalty to Taylor concerning Zac. Sure it was funny because they were really brothers, but had I been myself it was nice to know that Brooke would stick up for me.

The girl folded her arms across her chest and stepped closer to Brooke. He didnt seem taken a couple of minutes ago when he asked for my phone number.

You heel! Taylor shrieked, smacking Zac upside the back of his head.

Brooke did not back down. Well, you know how men get when theyre drunk. If their girlfriends have too much self-respect they always go looking for whores to use and discard. Her expression was so hard, I wondered if there was something behind her words. Maybe she once had a boyfriend who liked to sleep around with easy girls? And judging by your ensemble, I can see where hed get the idea that you would be an easy lay.

The girls nostrils were flaming and she looked as though she was about ready to sock Brooke. Taylor was starting to move closer to Brooke but Brooke held her arms out to prevent him from coming any closer.

I would have been insulted normally, the girl sneered, her fists clenching. But looking at the source, Ill simply have to laugh. Besides, its not my fault his girlfriend doesnt know how to satisfy him right. Its love him or lose him these days.

Brookes eyes narrowed. Girls like you make me sick.

Brooke, come on, Taylor said, gently. Shes not worth it. Zac wasnt really going to cheat on me. I slowly got up from my seat and quietly made my way over.

Brookes eyes never left the other girl. No. She thinks she can manipulate men with her body, for some reason unbeknownst to me. The other girls eyes flashed angrily. Who knows how many relationships shes broken, completely destroyed for being such a soulless tramp.

Before she could throw the first punch, I wrapped my arms around her and forced her arms at her side. She squirmed and pleaded with me to let her go, to teach the girl a lesson. I murmured things in her ear to calm her down and eventually she gave up. I guided her back to the booth, where she plopped down tiredly.

You should have let me knock her out, she muttered, looking down at her hands.

She wasnt worth it, Taylor repeated, shooting an angry look at Zac. Zac mouthed an Im sorry. Taylor merely rolled his eyes at him. Besides, she made it sound worse than it was. He was just talking to her because she called him over.

Brooke glared menacingly at Zac. Is that true? Ive heard that story before, Hanson. Youd better look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Yeesh, youd think that Zac was dating Brooke instead of Taylor.God, that still sounds so weird.

I swear, its true.

Brooke sighed. I need another drink.

Oh, no you dont! I exclaimed, hurriedly. What you need is karaoke! Come on, we came to a karaoke bar and so far only one of us has actually got up and sang. I pulled many begrudgingly to their feet and forcefully guided them to the small, poorly lit stage. We looked through the choices before Taylor pointed to a classic.

We Are Family? Isaac asked, looking pained at the idea.

I slung an arm around his neck. Yup. Were singing it too. The five of us huddled around the two microphones the bar provided and loudly sang the Sister Sledge favorite in a variety of contrasting keys. I was genuinely happy singing my heart out with the rest of my drunken companions. I tried not to dwell on it too much, but this was the first time I realized how lucky I was in some aspects. Id never really had many friends. I never saw much use for them, really. I looked around at Isaac, Brooke, Zac, and Taylor. Sure, they could be as exasperating as all hell, but I knew that I could come to any of them in an instant if I needed help. And, I realized the nagging touch of loneliness that I had always carried around in my heart was gone. I washappy. I felt safe, warm, content, and loved. And Im sure this feeling will pass tomorrow when Im no longer drunk and my harsh reality will come back to face me, but for the time being, I felt pretty damn good.