Chapter 24 - Why not strand me butt-naked, doused in Easy Cheese, in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot with a big, flashing neon sign on my forehead that says, “MY LIFE SUCKS”?

Abby

Zac took one look at me and burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window impatiently. Brooke and Taylor were supposed to have been at the Hanson household over a half an hour ago. I didn’t know why they were late, since they didn’t have the common decency to at least call... However, I was tired of waiting around in my itchy ensemble.

I groaned and stepped away from the window. “Have I ever mentioned how much I hate camping?”

“What’s to hate about camping?” Zac asked, looking up at me from his seat on the couch. His full backpack was sitting at his feet.

“Well, let’s see,” I began, counting on my fingers. “One, I hate being outdoors. Two, I hate bugs. Three, I hate animals. Four, I hate sleeping on the ground where I could get backaches and spiders could crawl into my ears while I’m sleeping and hatch their spawn. Five, I hate not having a clean toilet. Six, I hate having to squat near a fire that will make my eyes water and my hair smell in order to cook some grotesque marshmallow concoction. Shall I go on?”

Zac shook his head. “I think I get the gist. But, if I may say so, you look splendid.”

I looked down at myself and grinned. “Taylor be so upset when he sees me.”

Zac examined his fingernails. “Try livid.”

Last night Zac and I had dedicated the entire night to plotting a way to make Taylor’s weekend a little more unpleasant. We’d had an embarrassing amount of fun picking out an appropriate outfit to meet everyone in. I was wearing one of Mr. Hanson’s old fishing hats, complete with colored lures hooked onto it, a pale blue sweatervest over a pair of beige long johns, with a red flannel shirt over that, and a pair of Mrs. Hanson’s old tapered leg jeans, and purple moccasins. To say I looked hideous was an understatement.

Yes, Taylor owns a pair of purple moccasins for some reason I would prefer not to know.

Hmm, I wonder if I could convince Isaac to wear this outfit on his next date?

Now, I know what you might be thinking. You’re thinking that I am this dreadful, horrible person for taking the opportunity to humiliate Taylor after he’d made such a sweet apology. That’s not the case at all. In fact, I have been affected by it. I see him differently now. I feel generally more respect for him as a human being.

But there is no way in hell that I am going to pass up the opportunity of a lifetime to piss the hell out of him. I would forever regret missing out on so great a prospect. As they say, fortune favors the brave.

Or no rest for the wicked…

Whatever.

There was a knock at the door and Zac and I let out an excited, giddy little squeal. He straightened my fishing hat and made sure the brightly colored lures were correctly in place. I felt like a nervous son, standing in front of his proud father, as I waited for my beautiful prom date.

“You get the door!” Zac said, excitedly. He pushed me towards it.

I screamed quietly and ran behind him. “No! You do it!”

“Oh, fine.” Zac anxiously answered the door.

I smiled brilliantly as Brooke, Taylor, Tiffany, and Jason entered the Hanson household. My smile faltered slightly as I counted four people, not two, entering the house. What the hell were they doing here? Surely they could not be accompanying us. I had not been informed of that…

“Hey everyone,” Zac said, unable to stifle his laughter as Taylor’s nostrils flamed the size of coconuts. “Come on in.”

“Sorry we’re late,” Brooke apologized, gazing at me fondly, then somewhat oddly.

Jason cleared his throat as he looked me up and down, an astounded expression on his face. “Um, nice outfit, Tay.” I smiled innocently as Taylor shot me glares of death.

Brooke, still taking in my ensemble, added, “You look really…prepared to face the wilderness.”

“Why thank you,” I replied, sweet as sugar. I winked at Taylor. “You really can never be too prepared.” I smiled fakely at Jason and Tiffany. “I had no idea you guys were coming. What a nice surprise.”

And by nice I mean horrid.

“Are we all set?” Zac asked, before anyone could really reply. Everyone agreed and we made our way to the large tan Escalade parked in the driveway. I had to whistle at the enormous driving machine.

Brooke insisted that I sit up front with her while she drove to the campsite. Zac had the pleasure of sitting beside a surly Taylor and a very touchy-feely Tiffany. Jason squeezed in beside Tiffany, making the backseat not the most comfortable or roomy place to be at the moment. Brooke grinned at me as she put the car in drive. As we backed out of the long driveway, I hoped I knew what I was getting myself into.

Let the mayhem begin.

***

I looked around myself, taking in the campground or lack thereof. There was nothing but trees, grass, bushes, and mud. Where were the rest of the campers? Where the hell was the campsite? Where was the emergency first aid center for when Taylor tries to kill me in my sleep?

More importantly, where was the nearest Comfort Inn?

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Brooke asked, stepping beside me. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “The air is so invigorating. I’ve always loved this spot. You’re really at one with nature out here.”

“It is rugged,” I muttered, trying my best to hide my overwhelming disgust for the entire situation.

Brooke grinned at me and looped an arm through mine. “It’s kind of romantic, isn’t it?”

I smiled nervously, wondering how in heaven’s name I was going to get myself away from her tonight. It’s a good thing I brought a lifetime’s supply of bug spray in one of my backpacks. It’s the next best thing to pepper spray.

I looked over my shoulder and noticed that Jason and Zac were pulling the luggage, tents, and other supplies out of the car. I supposed I should help them unload, being the husky male specimen I am, but I honestly didn’t feel like it much. So I didn’t.

I frowned as I counted the amount of tents they pulled out of the car. I walked towards the guys and inspected the car. There was nothing left inside. I gave Zac a panicked look.

“We don’t have enough tents,” I mumbled, feebly. I already knew what answer was coming.

Brooke walked over to us and grinned, dragging one of the tents out. “They’re doubles. I brought three because I thought it would be a lot more fun if we had a tent-mate. The nights get really cold.”

I grabbed Zac for dear life. “I CALL ZAC!” Zac smirked at my fear. Evil buttface. “Zac’s my partner!!! We’re brothers!” Taylor rubbed his temples rhythmically. It’s truly sad that I’d jump at the chance to room with the “gassy” kid.

Brooke smiled coyly. “I think it would be more fun if we stayed boy-girl.”

“Me too!” Tiffany exclaimed, raising a hand excitedly.

Of course you would.

Who invited Princess Herpes again?

“Oh, Taylor,” Taylor exclaimed, placing a hand on Zac’s shoulder possessively. “You’re such a comedian!”

I ruefully let go of Zac and chuckled tensely. “I am hilarious, aren’t I?”

Taylor shot me a warning look. “Side-splitting.”

I gulped. He was already pissed and we hadn’t even been there twenty minutes. At this rate, I highly doubted he would survive the night. Unfortunately, judging by the meaningful looks Brooke kept throwing at me, I could easily say the same for myself.

***

By the time six less than skilled outdoorsmen set up three tents, it was already nightfall. Brooke and Jason had managed to light a pretty decent fire with the firewood the rest of us had collected. It was actually kind of cozy, sitting underneath the stars on a flannel blanket by a crackling fire. The only thing making me uncomfortable was the girl who kept inching closer and closer to me.

I took the time to examine everyone else. Tiffany was shockingly close to Jason that she was practically sitting on his lap. She must have been so depressed about Daddy’s credit card cutoff that she was willing to seek comfort with anything male and breathing. I was still baffled as to how they managed to get invited.

I stuck out my tongue as Jason wiped his runny nose on the back of his sleeve.

And I found this guy attractive at some point? HOW?

I hate beer.

Meanwhile, Taylor and Zac were sitting silently next to one another. Taylor was gawking longingly at Brooke and Zac was heavily concentrating on roasting the perfect marshmallow. Zac noticed I was looking over, nodded towards the love-struck Taylor, and rolled his eyes dramatically. I winked back.

He took that as his cue to begin his torture. “Maybe it’s just me, but fires make me talky.”

Brooke grinned, sitting up a little. “Me too. I love a good camp story. You wouldn’t happen to have one, would you, Zac?”

Zac smiled brilliantly, causing me to stifle a giggle. It’s amazing how the agony of others can be so blissful. “Actually, Brookie, I do have a little story that I think might be quite interesting to you.”

She beamed. “Really? Please, tell it!”

“Well, it’s kind of a childhood story of Taylor’s.” Taylor’s head sprung up instantly. “It’s more like a fable, in our family, since we tell it every year at our family reunion picnic.”

“Don’t you dare…” Taylor warned, daggers darting out of his eyes.

“Oh, come on, you have to tell!” Brooke insisted, grinning sweetly at Zac. Zac shrugged and looked at me innocently.

“Well, it’s a little embarrassing,” Zac admitted, innocently. “I want to make sure it’s okay with my brother that I tell it.” He paused and looked directly at me. “Because family means more to me than just a couple of laughs.”

“You fucking ass…” Taylor sneered.

With a straight face, I nodded towards Zac. “Please, dearest brother of mine, feel free to tell the silly little story. We are among friends and I have nothing to hide.”

“I hate you both.”

“Abby, are you okay?” Brooke asked, cuddling a little closer to me. I slowly and hopefully discreetly moved away from her. Taylor nodded slightly but continued to malevolently glare at his brother.

“Since you don’t mind, I’ll go ahead and tell the story,” Zac began, taking a long breath. Brooke curled her legs beneath her and listened intently. “Well, in our old house in Jenks, we were really close to our neighbor, Mrs. Hitchens. Anyway, one day her sister got in a bad car accident and desperately needed a babysitter for her two year old daughter, Tasha. Taylor, being the kind-hearted, selfless bloke he is, offered to watch the child immediately.”

“Aw, that was sweet of him,” Brooke said, smiling up at me. I merely returned her smile. I was dying to know where this was going.

Zac chuckled, daring to take a look at his fuming older brother. “Yeah, Tay’s always around to be the hero in times of dire need when there is a cute girl of the same age who also lives in the house. For those of you who are slow on the uptake, what I mean is that he was buttering up the mom so he could score with the girl next door.”

“Oooh,” Tiffany said, nodding finally. “I get it now.” Jason grinned and slid his arm around her.

The sad part is that she was being completely serious.

“I am going to murder you,” Taylor muttered, throwing blades of grass furiously into the fire.

“Anyway, so thirteen year old Taylor is over at the Hitchens household, taking care of the youngin. Hours pass and it’s time for the kid to go to bed. The kid, being a typical two year old, refuses and starts running around the house like a tornado. That in turn makes Butch, their enormous Great Dane, start to get all antsy and panicked. Taylor, while momentarily delayed by the Great Dane, can’t stop the kid from climbing under the small table next to the couch. When the dog finally left our poor Tay alone, he has to climb onto the couch to pick up the disobedient child.”

Zac continued, “While Taylor is leaning over to reach the child, the dog climbs onto the couch and starts humping him in the ass!”

Brooke squealed as I howled with laughter. Jason also guffawed while Tiffany laughed so hard that she snorted a few times. Zac simply smiled and eventually held his hand up to silence us.

“I’m not finished yet.”

“There’s more?!?” Brooke exclaimed, giggling wildly. She looked at me and poked me in the ribs. “Poor baby.”

Taylor let out a pathetic whine. “And to think you’d do this to your very own flesh and blood…”

Zac rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. The rest of us watched and waited eagerly to finish this amazing tale. “So, the child is crying because he wants to stay up, Taylor’s trying to yell at the dog to get off of him, and the dog is growling in sexual pleasure.” He paused as we all let out one more hearty guffaw. “And of course, who do you think walks in to witness it all? None other but the lovely Angela, thirteen year old daughter of Mrs. Hitchens and the love of young Taylor’s life. She screams in horror and this causes Taylor to get so startled that he wets his pants.”

“NO!” I exclaimed, covering my hand with my mouth.

“YES!” Zac exclaimed, chuckling himself. “And the best part is that Mrs. Hitchens came over the next day and politely asked that Taylor never step foot on her property ever again and remain at least ten feet away from the dog at all times! I just think it’s funny that even dogs, with their keen sense of smell and whatnot, can’t tell whether or not my brother is a male or a female!”

Taylor narrowed his eyes. “Hardy-har.”

“You tell this at your family reunions?” Brooke exclaimed, laughing.

Zac shrugged. “Mom made the mistake of telling Grandma. It just became this kind of tradition, you know, kind of like this “Remember the time Tay wet his pants because a dog violated him” kind of thing… Great-Grandpa George loves it every time. And at ninety-four, there really is such little joy left for him.”

“My favorite part is that he wet his pants when he saw the girl,” Jason exclaimed, as Tiffany agreed. “Are you sure it was urine that stained his pants? Maybe the dog got him a bit more excited than he’d like to let on?”

We all started another cackle-fest at Taylor’s expense.

For this I would have to be Zac’s indentured servant for life.

“Well, fun as that was, who knows any ghost stories?” Taylor asked, bitterly. I could tell, even in the darkness, that his face was redder than I had ever seen it before. I truly needed to buy Zac a chilidog or twelve for this.

Tiffany sat up straight with a confused look on her face. “Wait a minute, Jason, did you mean that it could have been cum instead of piss?”

That made Zac double over laughing. I wouldn’t be surprised if we all had killer six-packs after this storytelling.

“It was urine, thank you very much,” Taylor sneered, not making eye contact with anyone. My guess was that he was completely humiliated and thus didn’t have enough dignity left to see the taunting look in our eyes.

“You were thirteen,” Zac said, looking at me while laughing. “It could have been a premature ejaculation.”

I shrugged my shoulders, chuckling right along with him. “It could have been. But I’m not telling!”

Hatred radiated off of Taylor.

“You guys are so gross!” Brooke squealed, snuggling up to me.

I really wish she would stop touching me.

If I’m so gross, why would she touch me? Huh? Why, I ask?

“So, about those ghost stories…” Taylor shouted, angrily. Everyone just sort of looked at him, a little surprised at his outburst. No one, besides Zac and I naturally, would have a glue as to why he would be so upset.

“I know a great story!” Jason exclaimed, receiving a grateful glance from Taylor. Everyone’s attention immediately turned to Jason. “There once was this little boy whose parents left him at home alone sometimes while they went out. The little boy had a dog that slept under his bed and the dog would lick his hand to reassure him of safety when he was scared on those lonely nights. One night the little boy, his name was Oscar, woke up suddenly around midnight. He had heard a noise and started to get scared. He reached under his bed and his dog licked his hand. The little boy felt safe and fell back asleep.

“About an hour later Oscar woke up again to a noise he had heard. He looked around his room and then put his hand under his bed. The dog licked his tiny hand and he felt safe. Oscar went back to sleep. Another hour later Oscar woke up to a dripping sound. It was loud and sounded like it was coming from downstairs. Oscar reached under his bed and again felt the warm, moist tongue on his palm. This time Oscar decided he would get up and look around. He didn't want to wake up scared anymore and looking around would make him feel better.

“He climbed out of bed and searched every room upstairs. He saw nothing. Just as he felt that sign of relief, Oscar took a turn around the corner to go down the stairs and he saw his dog. It was curled up by the water dish at the bottom of the stairs. The dripping noise was his wet head dripping into the water bowl. Oscar ran upstairs in a hurry wondering who had been licking his hand. His heart was racing and he became terrified at the thought of what could be under his bed. As he entered his room he encountered his fear. The killer had been licking his hand the entire night.”*

I think I can hear a cricket chirping in the far off distance.

“What was that?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“That had to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jason shrugged. “I learned it at Boy Scouts, like, ten years ago. I thought it was fun. Yeesh, you guys are a tough crowd.” I had to roll my eyes at that.

Moron.

Tiffany just blinked a couple of times. “So, if the killer was licking the fingers, who was licking the dog?”

For the love of Christ…

***

I had been dreading this part of the trip the entire time. Even while laughing shamelessly at Taylor’s humiliation, this has been gnawing at my good time and sense of well being. I had hoped that at some point within the evening that I would think of something brilliant to get out of what was inevitable.

I had to share a tent with Brooke.

We, and by “we” I mean not me, decided that the couples would be the following: (1) Tiffany and Jason, (2) Zac and Taylor, and (3) Brooke and I. Brooke was practically dragging me to our tent after we’d finished extinguishing the fire. I wanted to kick and scream in protest.

We got into the tent and she began to take off her shirt. I whirled around immediately and prayed that my sins could be temporarily forgotten or put on hold so that I could escape this tent with my virginity intact.

Brooke started laughing. “Okay, Mr. Shy, I have my pajamas on now. You can turn around.”

I slowly turned my head, praying she was actually clothed and not playing a trick. Thankfully, the girl was fully covered. I breathed a heartfelt sigh of utmost relief.

It was then that I got viciously attacked.

Brooke pounced on me like a rabid lioness and I let out a pathetic whine. She giggled, assuming I was playing, as I tried to push her off of me. She began to tickle me in the tummy and I couldn’t help but giggle like a three year old girl. When tickling begins, all maturity gets thrown out the window.

Brooke finally stopped tickling me to death and leaned towards me. My eyes grew wide as her lips drew painfully close to my own.

“Do you hear something?” I asked, sounding more like a yelp.

She gave me a small smile and listened for a moment. “I think I hear sex.”

“Ah, so that’s what it was,” I mumbled, cringing. “Tiff and Jason are getting an early start on their night’s activities.”

Brooke raised an eyebrow. “It could be Abby and Zac.”

I snorted. “Now, THAT would be something!”

Brooke smiled and her eyes fell to my lips. I swallowed hard. Maybe I could tell her I really am gay… She drew closer, her hand slowly going up my chest.

“I want you, Taylor,” she whispered, attacking my ear.

I cringed. “My ears are getting soggy.”

She chuckled and stopped biting my ear. “Well, if you don’t like your ears nibbled, what do you like?”

“I like handshakes,” I replied, quickly. I felt as though I could spaz out any minute now. I can’t believe I had a girl licking my ear. Oh my God, that was so gross. “I also like playing paper-rock-scissors.”

“I know other games we could play,” she purred, moving so that she was pretty much on my lap. I was having a heart attack and almost started crying when I felt her hands move south of the border.

“STOP! STOP! I’m a virgin!” I shouted, my hands in front of me for protection.

Brooke started laughing so hard she nearly fell over.

Why did Taylor have to LOOK so much like a slut?

“Brooke, I’m a virgin,” I insisted, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

“Yeah, and so am I,” she teased, wiping some of the tears out of her eyes. “And Tiffany is going into a convent. And Uma is going to Overeater’s Anonymous.”

My serious expression never faltered. “I’m not kidding around here.”

She rolled her eyes and poked me in the ribs. “You’re telling me that you, Taylor Hanson, international rock star, who’s had zillions of horny teenage fans, has never ONCE fallen for a cute girl in a tiny tank top? You’ve never once been tempted by the obsessed girls who’ll let you do anything and everything to them just because you’re on a poster in their bedroom? Come on, you’ve never had a quickie in a closet or a bathroom or hotel room just because you can?”

“No,” I replied, tensely. I really hated life right now. “I can’t spell it out any clearer, Brooke. I. Am. A. Virgin.”

Brooke sat up perfectly straight. “Oh. I see.” She cleared her throat loudly. “This is very awkward.”

“Yup.”

“I’m sorry. I just assumed…well, damn.” She smiled tensely at me. “You must think I’m the world’s biggest slut.”

“No! Definitely not!” I exclaimed, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not a slut, Brooke. People just mature differently...” Was all that crap really coming out of my mouth?

Sometimes I wonder if God, or whoever is up there watching over human life, is just completely enthralled with me personally. I wonder if there are choirs of angels taking bets on how my life will embarrass me next or if Peter is handing Paul the popcorn, a huge freaking smile on his face. I bet they think my life is the best damn sitcom they’ve ever seen. If my life was a television show, it would have ratings better than Friends. I would get the Emmy, the Golden Globe, the Oscar…hell, why not throw in a Grammy or two?

I’ll bet someone up there is just pissing himself at the thought of my predicament. I can just hear everyone up there being like, “Make the poor whelp do this! Make her do that!” Why not strand me butt-naked, doused in Easy Cheese, in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot with a big, flashing neon sign on my forehead that says, “MY LIFE SUCKS”?

So, it’s perfectly natural that those upstairs would find it amusing to trap me in the middle of nowhere alone with a chick who wants to jump the bones of the boy I’m trapped inside.

Perfectly natural, indeed.

“I need to piss,” I stated, as Brooke shifted uncomfortably next to me. Without saying anything else, I quickly exited the much too small tent. I was so grateful to be outside and not trapped with a horny girl who’s infatuated with me.

A little curious to see exactly how irate Taylor was with me, I trotted over to he and Zac’s tent. I heard them arguing, and decided to wait outside the tent until a more opportune time in the conversation appeared.

There was a loud shifting noise when I heard Zac say, “Just... don’t sleep too close to me, okay?”

Taylor groaned in return. “Zac, what’s the big deal? We used to have to sleep together all the time when we visited Grandma!”

“Yeah, but you never had tits when we visited Grandma.”

“But I’m still me,” Taylor insisted, fervently. I could hear the frustration in his voice. “I’m still your brother.”

There was another loud shifting noise. “But my brother has tits.” He paused and laughed stiffly. “Wow, I can chalk that up on my list of things I never thought I’d ever say.”

I stuck my head in their tent, causing Zac to squeal. I rolled my eyes. He was such a freaking woman sometimes. “Excuse me, but you might want to tone down the incriminating conversation. I was walking over here and heard everything you idiots were saying.”

Taylor sighed. “Yeah, okay. I had no idea we were being that loud.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I hope you had fun tonight. Loved the storytelling. Did you guys plan that one a while ago?”

I shrugged. “A day or so.”

“Come off it, Tay,” Zac exclaimed, shooting a knowing glance over at his brother. “Get a sense of humor, will you? Besides, did Brooke seem grossed out or anything? No. You really need to lighten up or when you get back to your real body she’ll lose interest.”

Taylor folded his arms over his chest. “I know, I know. I just like her so much that I’m terrified something stupid will screw it up.”

“Yeah, like you being an uptight bore,” Zac commented, gently. “She likes guys who act like themselves.”

I nodded in agreement. “Oh, yeah! She couldn’t keep her hands off me a second ago in our tent!”

Taylor smiled. “Really?”

I groaned. “Look at my face? Am I joking?”

He exhaled an easy breath. “I guess you guys have a point. But you have to admit, that story was a little over the top, don’t you think?”

“The truth is better than fiction,” I stated, winking. I made myself comfortable in their tent, stealing half of Taylor’s blankets and putting them over my chilly legs. He made a face and grabbed one of them back. I continued, “Do I really have to go back in there? She’s scary when she wants some.”

Taylor looked as though his puppy had just been run over in front of his very eyes. “Couldn’t you just…pretend to be me for a little while? It wouldn’t kill you to put your arms around her or kiss her cheek, would it?”

I gave him a pathetic face. “I think so.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Come on, please?” He batted his eyes at me.

I rolled mine. “You don’t have your eyes anymore. You need to come to terms with reality and realize that you can no longer charm your way into making people do what you want because you have unnaturally vibrant irises.”

“But you made an ass out of me at the fire. You put me in something that looks like it was picked out by Zoe…” He was now resorting to begging.

“Um, you’re making me go in a tent with a girl who wants to eat me for breakfast.”

“She’s an attractive girl…”

“TAYLOR!” I shrieked. “Oh, no you don’t!” My eyes were large with determination. “You are NOT making me get all touchy in that tent with a girl insistent on doing ten kinds of nasty to me!”

Taylor’s mouth watered. “Ten?” His voice quivered slightly.

“Don’t even entertain the notion.”

“How about you just cuddle a little?”

“TAYLOR!!!”

“I’ll get you an A+ in honors chemistry…”

Now that was just playing dirty.

“Think of the letters of recommendation to all those expensive medical schools you want to attend…”

That little fucker…

“FINE!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air. “You play dirty, Hanson. Real dirty.” I stood up and threw the blankets I’d had in his face. He was grinning triumphantly. “I’ll have you know that this is an all-time low for you… I feel like a whore. I’m selling myself to some girl so I get good grades.”

“Um, aren’t you just going to be semi-nice to her and just sleep?” Zac asked, yawning boisterously.

I glared at him. “It’s not that simple, ass. I have to romance her or something.” I shuddered. “If I get anything less than an A+, so help me God I will crush you like bug. Like a FLEA.”

It took me a few minutes to obtain the courage to reenter my tent. Brooke looked up at me and smiled warmly as I sat down beside her. Trying my best to sound sincere, I turned to her and took one of her hands in my shaky ones.

“Brooke,” I began, thinking of all the ways I was going to make Taylor suffer for making me do something like this. I hoped she didn’t notice how sweaty my hands were. “I just want to apologize for… being weird earlier. It’s just that I really like you and I’m embarrassed about my inexperience, especially since you already hold such high expectations and all. Um, I was always taught to treat women like ladies and I’d prefer to take things slow with you.” I cleared my throat and hoped this was the kind of crap Taylor would have wanted me to say. “I want to get to know you REALLY WELL before we take it to the next level…the physical level. I hope I’m not offending you or disappointing you, but this is who I am.”

Brooke was staring at me like a dog at a juicy steak. I hoped she wasn’t mad or upset or anything, not that I wanted her to be so happy she’d lick my face either. Her silence was disorientating, and I could still hear the faint grunting emanating from a couple tents over.

Brooke laid down and patted the sleeping bag next to her. I obediently laid down and faced her, a nervous expression on my face. Brooke gingerly rested her hand on top of mine.

“You never cease to amaze me,” she said, in awe.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be. I mean it in a good way,” she replied, blushing slightly. She looked away for a moment. “I’ve never been treated this way before, Taylor. Most guys just want me as a trophy or a fling. I’m sorry about pouncing on you like that.” She laughed. “I feel like such an idiot. It’s just that sex is what guys have always wanted from me.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t ALL they wanted,” I insisted, gently.

She raised an eyebrow. “You’d be surprised how fast men lost interest when I refused to put out. So, here you come into my life all sweet and charming and funny... and I like you a lot.” Her cheeks grew redder. “And since I wouldn’t mind sleeping with you, I just thought you would have wanted or expected it.”

“You wouldn’t MIND sleeping with me?” I asked, trying not to laugh. If that wouldn’t have harpooned Taylor’s out of control ego, I don’t know what would have.

Brooke grinned and snuggled against me. “Don’t you dare try to act all hurt because you know I wanted to… I want to still. You know damn well that all kinds of girls would kill to sleep with you.”

Unfortunately I know all too well, sister.

“Yeah, well, someday,” I said, wishing that she didn’t have to hold onto me so tight. Someday far, far away… when I am no longer Taylor. Then the two of them can go at it like rabbits.

Brooke yawned, perfectly content to lay her head in the crook of my arm. She rested an arm around me and I tried my best to keep my hands far away from inappropriate places.

“Can I just hold you then, Taylor?” She asked, so softly I could hardly hear her.

It was so obvious that she was falling fast for the poor slob. How Taylor could go on lying to her was beyond my reasoning.

I sighed. This was going to be a long night. I hoped for her sake that Taylor and I switched back soon. “Of course, Brooke. Goodnight.”

I could feel her smiling. “Goodnight, sweetie.”