Chapter 18 - Taylor, you should know by now that everything you do bothers me.

Abby

“Taylor?”

“Llkdjhgldkjn…”

Mrs. Hanson smiled and rolled her eyes at me. “Sweetie, the telephone is for you.” She gave me another not-so-gentle shove.

“Wha…” I began, ready to bite the perpetrator’s head off for so rudely awakening me. I’d had an excruciating night and I think I deserved the right to sleep in for however long I chose. I swallowed hard as Taylor’s mother sat down on my bed, carefully making sure her head didn’t hit Zac’s top bunk. Parents make me so uncomfortable.

Does she have to sit so close?

I took the phone from her reluctantly, hoping she’d leave now that I was up and awake. Never taking my eyes off the woman, I asked, “Hello?”

“Abby! Hey! It’s me!”

Great. Just what I want to deal with when I first wake up, Taylor Hanson.

“Hey,” I mumbled, noticing that Mrs. Hanson was listening carefully on my bed. “Hold on just a second,” I muttered into the phone. I covered the phone and turned to his mother. “Thanks for bringing me the phone. I can take it from here.”

Her eyebrows rose. She didn’t look hurt, but definitely shocked. Of course I feel bad for pretty much telling her to get the hell out of the room, but hello! It’s kind of rude to sit in on someone’s phone call, especially when I’m trying to keep something enormous from her.

“Who were you talking to?” Taylor asked, huffily. I can tell this boy didn’t like to be put on hold.

I sighed. “Take some midol, Taylor. You’ll be fine in a half an hour.”

He cursed softly. “You’re such a sweetheart, Deluca. Your compassion kills me. Anyway, I just wanted to call you and say happy anniversary!”

I nearly dropped the phone. “Excuse me?”

He sighed heavily, exasperation dripping in his voice. “Happy anniversary. We’ve been each other a week officially.”

I wanted to cry. “You mean it’s ONLY been a week?” This week has felt like an entire horrific year. “You... called me to depress me?”

There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “Not... exactly. I don’t know. I just thought I should call and say something. Damn, I didn’t know saying that would bother you so much...” I couldn’t help but grin. The poor boy was trying to be, dare I say it, sweet? Failing miserably, of course, but he was still making an attempt.

“Taylor, you should know by now that everything you do bothers me.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” he muttered. “So, what are you up to today?”

“Well, I...”

Isaac and Zac then walked into the bedroom together, talking animatedly about something random. I actually dropped the phone as Ike smiled at me as he fished through his dresser drawer. Zac eyed me carefully as my gaze followed Isaac with every step he took.

I heard an obnoxious squawking from the telephone by my feet. I finally snapped out of my daydream and picked up the phone apprehensively. I really didn’t want to put my ear up to the phone just to have Taylor burst my eardrums with his arrogant screeching.

“...WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BUT IF YOU IGNORE ME ONCE MORE SO HELP ME GOD I WILL...”

“Who is that on the phone?” Isaac asked, his face scrunching up. Yes, Taylor was THAT loud.

I quickly pressed the off button on the cordless phone. Ah, sweet, blissful silence. “No one. Wrong number.”

Isaac nodded as Zac just rolled his eyes at me. Isaac continued to fish through his drawers. He threw a bunch of random t-shirts and dress shirts out onto his bed. Zac, meanwhile, decided it would be fun to hit me in the face with a gigantic, soaking wet spitball. In hopes to refrain from attracting Isaac’s attention, I smacked him in the face with a pair of Taylor’s dirty underwear. I grinned victoriously as he threw the garment off him disgustedly.

“Tay, can I ask for your advice?” Isaac asked, turning to face me.

I perked up excitedly. “Ask away.”

He held up an olive green polo t-shirt. “Does this look too frumpy?”

I felt my entire face twist into a scowl. “Too frumpy for what, exactly?” If he says a date I will throw myself out the window in protest. He better not say a date. I will KILL if he says a date.

“For my date tomorrow night.”

KILL. KILL. KILL. KILL. KILL.

I forced my face to relax calmly. “You. Have. A. Date?”

He rolled his eyes at me, still hanging onto the revolting shirt he had in his hands. “Yes, Taylor. I have a date. Every now and again a girl will feel incredibly sorry for me and allow me to take her out. It must have to do something with the lunar cycles.”

Touchy, touchy.

I held my hands out in front of me. “That’s not what I meant and you know it! A girl should be grateful to be asked out by a gentleman like you. I just meant…um… that it’s weird to have a date on a Monday. Are you sure it’s wise to go out on a date on a Monday?”

Zac snorted. “This is ridiculous.”

Isaac glared at Zac venomously. “What’s ridiculous?”

“Nothing. I like the green shirt.”

I stuck my tongue out. “Are you really going to listen to this Neanderthal about fashion? Please, his style consists of sniffing to make sure it’s clean and then putting on whatever’s nearby. Do you want to impress this girl or what?”

Zac put his hands up on his hips. “Oh, yeah, why don’t you impress her with a sweatervest?”

I began to grind my teeth angrily. “There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, wrong with a sweatervest...”

“Except for the fact it screams HOMO!”

“IT DOES NOT!!!!”

“Um, guys, can we get back to me here?” Isaac asked, weakly.

“If anything screams homo it’s you, Zac Hanson!” I screeched, my face growing pink from exertion. “Why don’t you cut your fucking hair, or do a sit up, you potbellied pig!”

Zac’s jaw dropped as his fists clenched. “At least I’m not a beanpole prima donna! You HAVE a haircut and people still think you’re a woman!” He stepped closer and muttered something to me so quietly that Isaac couldn’t hear. “You’re nothing but an ugly bitch with a white trash mom. You’re about as feminine as a jockstrap with the tits of a ten year old boy.”

I gasped. “What did you just say to me?”

“Oh, I think you heard me just fine.”

“Should I leave you two alone?” Isaac asked, watching the display before him in complete confusion. “I’m not sure what exactly is going on but it looks as though you need to either work it out or kill each other. So, I’ll be back in a little while to clean up any shed blood.”

The door shut behind him quietly, leaving Zac and I standing there in silence. Zac dropped his fiery gaze from me to the floor and took a step back. I felt tears spring into my eyes but I would never give that asshole the satisfaction of letting them fall.

Zac looked back at me, his eyes now soft. “I-I didn’t mean to say any of that...”

Damn it, now I was crying. I hated myself for being such a damn crybaby. I could tell Zac felt even worse as I sniffed and wiped them away. “No, I’m sorry. I started it.”

“I don’t think your mom’s white trash…” he began, softly. “I honestly don’t know where that came from.”

I just shook my head. “She’s not white trash. She’s a good person with bad luck.”

“I know,” he insisted.

I eyed him carefully. “That was really low. Don’t ever say that again.”

“Done. I’m really, really sorry.” He face turned up into a small smile and he poked me in the ribs. “I can’t believe you called me a potbellied pig!”

I shrugged. “I didn’t mean that either. You can’t help it if you’re beefy.”

“Beefy?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“A good thing,” I admitted, quickly clearing my throat. I looked over at Isaac’s bed, still covered with random clothes. I made a face as I rummaged through what he had picked out. “Why does that fool have to go out on dates?”

Zac sighed and sat on Taylor’s bunk bed. “Why do you care?”

I stiffened and pretended I never heard the question.

“Abby?”

I continued to ignore him as I folded Isaac’s clothes. They were already starting to wrinkle. And Ike couldn’t impress a girl if his clothes were wrinkled.

“I can’t believe you like my brother!” Zac exclaimed, looking like he was going to see what he had for breakfast shortly. “This is so sick, Abby. Do you know how much therapy I’m going to need because of you?”

I glared at him. And here I thought I was the over dramatic one. “What? I’m a GIRL, Zac. Your brother is an attractive guy. It’s not sick.”

Zac gave me his patented “Tell-me-you’re-not-really-that-stupid” look.

“What?” I asked, innocently.

“Have your forgotten that you’re Ike’s brother? Or shall I take you to a mirror?” Zac exclaimed, rubbing his temples rhythmically. “What have I done to deserve this, Lord?” He shot me a pleading look. “Please promise me that you will not hook up with my brother.”

I guffawed loudly in his face. Did this boy really just say that? “Yes, I think I’ll just walk up to your brother and stick my tongue down his throat...” I giggled as Zac ran for the trashcan. “And then we’ll do all kinds of perverted, incestuous...”

I immediately silenced as Isaac calmly re-entered the room. He looked from me to Zac and raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t hear any screaming so I assumed World War III had finally ceased.” He looked over and saw Zac lurched over the trashcan. “Are you okay, Zac?”

Zac shot me a hateful glare. “Yeah, I’ll be okay after years and years of psychological treatment.”

“Good,” Ike replied, searching through a pair of corduroy slacks to find his wallet. He smiled triumphantly when he found it and stuck it into the back pocket of the jeans he was wearing. “Are you almost ready to go, Tay?”

My head shot up and I don’t think I could have stifled the hundred-watt smile warming my face if I would have wanted to.

“Where are we going?” I asked, excitedly. I could feel Zac’s glare burning a hole in the back of my head. I pretended not to notice the irate boy behind me. No, not when I had the potential to hang out with Isaac the Incredible all by myself.

“Well, I was just thinking outside how all of my clothes really suck and that I should probably just buy something new,” he babbled, staring off into space. I heard Zac mumble a quiet, “Here he goes,” before Isaac finished. “Because honestly, when was the last time Mom dragged me to the mall to buy clothes? I don’t remember, really. I’ve tried to remember but I just can’t. Hmm, maybe before college started… eh, I’m really not all that sure. I guess it’s not really all that important either. But, anyway, to make a long story short I need to go to the mall today. And if I bring you, Taylor, with me, I’ll end up with something decent. I’d probably pick out something flannel if I went by myself...”

The poor boy needs me desperately.

“Are you sure you want to take Taylor?” Zac asked, receiving a glare of death from me. “He might try to molest you... with all kinds of hideous clothes.”

Isaac laughed. “I’ll take my chances.”

I winked at Zac.

Insignificant peon.

He shot me one more pleading look to leave his brother alone. I merely grabbed a jacket and waved as I followed Isaac out of the room. As Isaac left, I made sure I did a pelvic thrust in his direction to further nauseate Zac. After hearing a satisfying whimper from Zac, I put on my best Taylor strut and headed towards Ike’s car.

When I become Mrs. Isaac Hanson I’ll gladly pay for any therapy Zac might need.

***

I stuffed my hands into Taylor’s denim jacket as Isaac and I entered the mall. Personally, I was ecstatic to just be spending quality time with him. I just forced myself to ignore why we were spending quality time.

“Okay, we just have to make sure we stop at Bath and Body Works to pick up some of Mom’s lotion,” Isaac stated, pulling out a small note from his jean pocket. “All right, where should we go first?”

Now I could go about dressing Isaac two ways. I could be a good person and take him to Abercrombie. I could put him in sexy faded jeans and a nice button-down dress shirt. His date would take one look at him and decide he was the yummiest tidbit of man-flesh she’d ever seen. An outfit like that would doubtlessly ensure a second date.

We certainly can’t have that, now can we?

“How about Hot Topics?” I suggested, innocently.

Isaac gave me a peculiar look. “Hot topics? Isn’t that the scary punk store?”

Isaac had an uneasy expression on his face as we entered the small Hot Topics store. The associate sort of glared at us, as if to wonder why the hell us “preppies” were in her store. I gave her a brilliant smile and she sort of sulked away from us. I swear, there is no understanding women!

“Tay, I really don’t think that this is the kind of place…”

“Isaac,” I interrupted, silencing him quickly. I towered over him in hopes I would intimidate him into doing exactly what I say. “Stop overanalyzing everything. You asked me to come with you to help you dress for your, eh, date. Now, how many dates have I gone on?”

“A lot.”

“How many girls love me?”

He rolled his beautiful brown eyes. “Too many.”

“How many times have I gotten rejected?”

“Never.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my skull. “Never? What kind of sick fairytale life am I leading? Anyway, would I lead my charmingly good-natured, incredibly sweet and sensitive, yet alarmingly handsome older brother astray?”

“Tay, you’re starting to frighten me.”

I backed away from Isaac quickly. “Sorry,” I exclaimed, laughing uncomfortably. “Ooh, look at this shirt!” I pulled a shirt off the rack and held it giddily in front of Isaac.

He scrunched up his face. “I don’t think Sharon would appreciate me wearing a shirt where a skeleton is stabbing a kitten.”

Oh, so the slut has a name now.

I looked at the offensive shirt. “What are you talking about, Isaac? It’s art! Look at the symbolism!” I shoved the shirt in his face. “You’re not looking!”

“Taylor, I hate it… It’s not me.”

I scowled. He was being so damn difficult. “So, you met her at college I assume. What is she majoring in?”

“Teaching,” Isaac replied, wistfully. He haphazardly fingered through a variety of obscene t-shirts. “She wants to teach second grade. She loves children.”

Excuse me while I barf all over myself.

“That sounds wonderful, Isaac,” I muttered, smiling sweetly. “Where are you taking her, Bible study?” I picked up a charming sheer black net shirt that said “Kill the Happy People” in neon pink letters. He shook his head and wandered to the other end of the store in hopes of finding something somewhat suitable.

“Oh, come on, Tay,” he replied, making a face at a pair of silk skull boxers dangling in front of his face. “Just because she’s not like the fifty cent hookers you usually take out doesn’t make her a goody-goody. She’s really fun to be around.”

“Oh, that’s so nice,” I muttered, gritting my teeth. I truly was trying my hardest to keep my insane jealousy to a minimum. Truly, I was. My eyes lit up as I lifted the perfect shirt off the rack.

“No.”

I groaned and pushed the shirt towards him. “Would you please be a little open to suggestion? Look at the fabric, it’s brilliant! And the design? Come on, give me one reason why you wouldn’t wear this shirt.”

Isaac firmly crossed his arms over his chest. “Reason number one: it’s hideous. Reason number two: I wouldn’t be caught dead in it in public. Reason number three: it’s a black, button down, satin shirt with enormous flames along the hem. It would look as though my torso was on fire.”

I gave the shirt another look-see. “I’m sorry. I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Growing desperate, I decided to rely on the kindness of strangers. I waved at the sales associate, politely calling her over.

“Tay, what are you...”

“Hi,” I began, charmingly as the salesgirl trudged over begrudgingly. “I like your five eyebrow rings. They bring out your eyes.”

The girl narrowed her eyes at me viciously. “Can I help you?”

“Actually yes,” I continued, oblivious to the fact that she was giving us the dirtiest looks imaginable. “You see, my brother is going out on a very important date and we’re trying to create an ensemble to make him look good. I was just wondering what your opinion was on this lovely seventy-five dollar shirt...”

I saw dollar signs flash in her dark eyes. What fun it is to discuss fashion with an associate working on commission. They can be ever so helpful.

As you can see, my manipulative skills are highly underrated.

She smiled fakely. “That’s a fantastic shirt. It’s been selling really well. If you’d like to try it on to see how it looks on you, I’d be more than happy to open a dressing room for you.” Before Isaac could refuse, she continued excitedly, “We also have matching pants and a choker if you want the right look.”

“No, I...”

I smiled appreciatively. “That would be wonderful. Ike is more than willing to break out of his fashionably-challenged shell for the sake of looking good, right Ike?”

Isaac sighed heavily. “I guess so.” After the sales associate walked away, Isaac whispered in my ear, “Are you sure this is the way to go? Are you sure I shouldn’t go out in a nice pair of khakis and a dress shirt? All this seems so over the top.”

I put my hand on his shoulder in the most brotherly manner I could subject myself to. “Isaac, would you please just trust me? I know women and I know what they like. And in this outfit, no pun intended, you’ll look hot.”

Isaac sighed as we followed the clerk towards the dressing rooms. “Well, I guess I should trust your judgment.”

I grinned wickedly. “Great. By following my advice, I know you’ll get the desired reaction from her.”

***

I loved the smell of Bath and Body Works. It was one of my favorite stores to venture into, just because of the fantastic aroma it exudes. I could seriously spend hours inside the place, testing the sample lotions and perfumes. A lot of times I would leave Bath and Body Works smelling atrocious because I’d have ten different scents sprayed on me at one time.

I happily squirted some Cucumber Melon hand lotion onto my cold hands. They’d been so cracked and dry lately, I could hardly stand them. There’s nothing more irritating than callused fingers.

As Isaac stood in line to pay for Mrs. Hanson’s Sun-Ripened Raspberry body lotion, I couldn’t help but grin at my duplicity. Because of my sheer evildoing, Isaac will be going out with his prissy princess in the most ridiculous getup I have ever seen. Black JNCO’s with obnoxious flames traveling up one leg, the black satin flame shirt that is truly awful, and shiny, bright red shoes that match the red in the flames. Not only would I laugh at a guy if he took me out on a date looking like that, but I think I’d refuse to be seen in public with him.

Did I mention that I also convinced poor Isaac to wear the matching flame dog collar?

I should come with a warning label.

“Taylor?” Isaac asked, scratching his head. “Are you putting on this girly-smelling crap?”

I quickly rubbed my hands roughly on my jean jacket. Damn that lingering scent. “I, uh, have dry skin.”

“So?”

“I thought it was unscented, leave me alone,” I muttered, desperately. “Are we ready to go?”

“Yep. Mom should be happy now,” he explained, looking through the small bag. “It even came with a free purse...”

“Oh my God, it DID?” I exclaimed, grabbing the bag and practically sticking my head in it. Ooh, the free purse was actually cute! I would definitely have to get me one of those. I stopped gripping the paper bag and let a startled Isaac take back his mother’s supplies. “What? I thought Brooke might want it...”

“Right,” Isaac replied, giving me an odd look. I ignored it to the best of my ability. “So, what’s going on with you and that girl anyway? Didn’t you guys go out last night?”

I shrugged and picked at the sleeve of my jacket. “Yeah.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?”

I sighed. “Oh, I’m sure it went fine. Are you hungry?”

Isaac chuckled as I rushed over to the ice cream counter. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I didn’t feel like talking about my “date.” Ice cream was a welcome distraction. And, hey, there’s always room for chocolate chip cookie dough.

“Excuse me, Taylor? Isaac?”

Happily licking my extra large cone, I turned to face a pair of young girls.

Oh, fuck me.

“Um, hey...” What the hell did they want?

The two girls grinned, looking from me to Isaac to me. I tried to hide my overwhelming fear by furiously licking my cone. These two girls looked rather hungry, and I don’t mean for ice cream.

The girls looked at one another, as if silently begging each other to say something first. Isaac smiled patiently and I rolled my eyes as the girls mustered courage to speak. If they felt the need to bother me with their idiocy they could at least hurry it up. Ike and I weren’t getting any younger.

One girl big green eyes finally caved. “Oh my God, I just wanted to tell you guys that we totally love your music and are probably your biggest fans!”

Yep. I bet you are. You and the other millions of girls who are obsessed with Taylor and his brothers.

“Aw, that’s really nice guys,” Isaac replied. “I’m glad you enjoy it. That’s why we do it.” I didn’t know how Ike could stand these stupid little girls drooling like cocker spaniels. And the quiet girl is looking at me like she’s imagining me naked.

Honey, I’ve seen it and it ain’t that great.

“Are you guys going to put out another album soon?” The same girl asked, batting her long eyelashes sweetly.

Isaac smiled congenially. “Well, we’ve been in the studio off and on. We’re always working on something and writing stuff. We should have something out soon.”

“How soon is soon?” The girl asked, flirtatiously.

I am so bored right now.

“I’m not sure,” Isaac replied, with a warm chuckle. He actually seemed to be enjoying the unwanted attention. “But we’re trying to make the best record possible.”

I wonder if my hands still smell like cucumber melon...

“You’re awful quiet, Taylor,” the girl stated, eyeing me like a juicy steak. This is really beginning to unnerve me.

I shrugged and tried to smile pleasantly. “I’m just a quiet kind of guy.”

“Really? You seem so chatty and personable on television.”

Isaac tried to refrain from chuckling at me. My brow furrowed and I nearly crushed my cone in anger. What the fuck is with everyone thinking I’m not a nice person? Just because I’m not Taylor the Giggling Baboon doesn’t mean I’m leper to society.

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m in a bad mood then.” This girl was royally pissing me off now.

Isaac shot me a warning look to be nicer. “Well, thank you for liking the music. Hopefully we’ll get out our new record ASAP. See you around!” I felt Isaac give me a rough shove as the girls giggled away from us. I ignored him and walked quickly to the mall exit.

“What the hell is your problem?” Isaac asked, catching up with me.

I sighed heavily. “Nothing. Those girls were annoying.” I continued walking briskly out towards the car.

“Well, I hate to remind you but those “annoying” girls are the ones paying our bills,” he insisted, trotting to catch up with me. I had these long legs that were good at moving across long distances with little effort. “You shouldn’t act so condescending towards them. If it weren’t for them we wouldn’t have the career...”

“No one cares about Hanson anymore, Isaac!” I exclaimed, frustrated. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot and turned to face him. “I’m sorry, Ike. But I don’t see how playing nice to a couple of giggling little girls is going to do a damn thing for our “career.” And since when are we making a new record?”

Isaac looked incredibly hurt and I felt the guilt begin to suffocate me. Why was I given vocal chords? Every time I open my mouth I end up blurting out something horrible and hurting people’s feelings.

“Ike, I’m sorry,” I muttered, wanting to throw myself in front of oncoming traffic. Why did I always end up doing stuff like this? First Zac (who kind of deserved it) and now poor Ike. Isaac was probably the last person I wanted to hurt. “I’m just tired and crabby. And you’re right. I, ugh, should have been nicer to those girls.”

Isaac’s expression softened immediately. “Well, I guess we should be getting home. Thanks again for your help in getting me something cool to wear.” I smiled humbly.

Don’t thank me just yet, Ike darling.