The Remaking of a Slave 11

        Kayli woke in the night, her heart pounding, the dream fading too fast for her to grasp the memory of it, but the taste of it lingered. She slipped from the bed and padded softly to the bathroom, her footsteps lost in the plush carpeting. Without turning on the light, as it might wake Mistress, she dampened a washcloth and held it to her face, trying to separate her mind from the maelstrom of sensations surging through her.
    She wanted to wake Mistress and beg her to take her to the dungeon and whip her until she bled, beat her, hurt her, anything - as long as it took away this horrible mix of pain and confusion and nothingness that ate at her. But she couldn't beg for that. She couldn't give voice to this cancer in her. Mistress had already dealt with so much trouble with her already. She just needed to be a good slave girl, be obedient and well behaved and make Mistress happy. If she just smiled more and worked harder it would be better.
    Unable to go back to bed just yet, and not comfortable enough to go anywhere else in the house, Kayli sat on the floor by the bed in the darkness and listened to Mistress breathe deeply. She wrapped her arms around her legs wishing the ache for pain would go away, tempted to go to the kitchen and get a knife. Just a small cut would release the tension. Then she could sleep. It might even keep the dreams away. It wasn't like she was important that a little cut would matter.
    Somehow, without realizing it, she was downstairs, in the kitchen with one of Pablo's very sharp knives in her hand, running it over the skin of her arm. It was hypnotic. A bright red line appeared on her arm and Kayli gasped at the sharp pain in shock and relief.
    "What are you doing, Kayli?"
    Kayli turned guiltily to see Pablo standing there wearing the briefest of black briefs and a short silk robe.
    He moved before she had time to think. He grabbed her wrist in an iron grip, twisting her arm back. The sharp pain had her dropping the knife into his waiting hand, "Were you trying to kill yourself?"
    "No! It wasn't that!" confusion and shame rolled through her as she tried to pull away from him, "Please, Don't tell Mistress."
    Pablo's eyes were dark with anger, "You would have me lie to Mistress? I think we are going to wake her up right now."
    "NO! Please! No! Pablo!" Kayli begged, her feet scrabbling on the floor as Pablo pulled her through the kitchen toward the door. She fought Pablo all the way up the stairs, until he had to twist her arm behind her back and half carry her into the bedroom.
    Allanah was sitting up in bed and was turning on the light as Pablo brought her in and pushed her to her knees by the bed.
    "What is going on?" her voice, touched with sleep was still commanding.
    Pablo, still holding onto her wrist with his iron grip gave Kayli a push,
    "Kayli needs to tell you something, Mistress."
    Allanah looked at her slave girl. The blood on her arm was already evident.
    Kayli dropped her eyes, the guilt and shame strong.
    "Look at me!" the command was sharp.
    Kayli forced herself to look up but cringed. She knew she had to tell, but this was torture. "I-I cut myself."
    "By accident or on purpose?"
    Kayli hesitated wishing there were some other way to answer, "On purpose, Mistress."
    "Why?"
    "I needed the pain, Mistress," she felt lightheaded and faint. What else was there to say? How would Mistress even be able to understand this? Surely she would be sent away now. A hot, burning tear of shame slid down her face as she waited for the wrath of her Mistress.
        Allanah looked at the trembling, bleeding girl. She spoke to Pablo in a choked, quiet version of a language that Kayli didn't understand. His answer came in the same soft tone, and perhaps the same language, but she wasn't sure. Allanah nodded and whispered something else to him that Kayli couldn't make out. Pablo stroked Kayli softly on the back twice and left the room.
    Kayli trembled, a knot rising in her stomach as Allanah stared at her. She lowered her eyes in fear and shame.
    "Look at me!" Allanah's words were harsh, bordering on cold when she spoke to the girl.
    Kayli's head snapped up and she looked into Allanah's eyes, her shame grew exponentially with every excruciating second that passed before her Mistress spoke. The knot grew.
    Allanah drew in a deep breath and began, "Kayli, would you paint grafitti on my favorite seventeenth century tapestry?"
    "No, Mistress," she whispered.
    She held up her finger, "Would you drop this diamond ring into a vat of acid?"
    "N-no Mistress." She sputtered and the tears flowed freely.
    Allanah's words were flying at her now, though the calm undertone of her voice remained, "Would you break this vase intentionally? Would you snap a tooth off this comb? Would you smash the glass on the night stand? Would you rip up that sheet of paper on my desk? Would you do any of it if you had not been told to?"
    Each time she had sobbed, "No, Mistress!" a bit more intensely than the last time. She was panting and nearly screaming by the time Allanah stopped. The silence hung heavily in the air and Kayli gasped for breath, eyes still locked on her Mistress.
    "Why not Kayli?" Allanah seemed to look right through her skin.
    Kayli shook and her eyes grew wide with horror when she realized the answer, but she was too ashamed to admit the whole truth, "Because I shouldn't Mistress."
    "Why shouldn't you, Kayli?"
    Just then the knot fought its way out of her body and she vomited all over the hardwood floor. She was sobbing hysterically out of humiliation and abject shame and horror.
    "Why, Kayli?"
    "Because... because..." Her words trailed off.
    "WHY?"
    "Because they belong to you, and they are not mine to damage."
    "You, who would not so much as tear a piece of paper of mine would do this to one of my most valuable possessions?" She jerked Kayli's arm up and held it in front of her face.
    Kayli cried out, "I'm sorry Mistress! Oh please forgive me, I'm so sorry! Please, please!"
    Allanah's face was stone, even while her heart broke for her sweet little wounded pet.
    "Once again, you have misused my trust, Kayli. Do you wish for me to lose faith completely in you? Do you want to be sent away from me?"
    "No Mistress!"
    "Then what should we do, Pet?"
    Kayli was silent, she didn't know what to say.
    Allanah took a step back from her, then another, and another, until the distance separating them was five paces. Kayli felt cold and somehow lonely, as if Mistress had drawn the warmth right out of her. She ached for Mistress to be closer.
    "Kayli, I won't have this. I won't stand for it ever again. I am five paces away from you right now.   Should you choose to ever purposely damage my property, this will be the inner boundary of your proximity to me for a period of one month, in every situation. You will not be touched by me, or any of the other slaves, and you will not be rewarded in any way for any reason. You will exist in chastity and silence. Do you understand?"
    "Yes, Mistress," Kayli whispered.
    "Clean up your mess, then shower after your arm is cleaned up. Leave the door open so that I can see you. You have lost the right to any privacy whatsoever, and will have to earn back the trust that you have so carelessly tossed away tonight.   Do not fool yourself into thinking it will be easy."
    Just then Pablo came in with a first aid kit and a cut crystal decanter of burbon. Kayli trudged to the bathroom, and got what she needed to clean the floor. When she finished, Pablo cleaned her arm and closed the wound with a tube of some stuff that seemed to glue her skin together. He put a waterproof bandage over the entire wound and kissed it softly, his eyes still worried.
    She drug herself into the shower, leaving the doors open. Even the steaming hot water she used could not warm her body and even with soap she couldn't feel clean. When she finally gave up on either feeling, she turned off the water and got out, drying herself and walking into the room. Allanah sat there with Pablo, her face a blank mask.
    Kayli kneeled before her, eyes looking up pleadingly at her Mistress.
    Allanah fought inwardly for strength. She knew what she had to do and that it must be done for the girl's safety. It didn't make it any easier. She went to the chest at the foot of the bed and got out a thick leather collar and a short chain. She buckled the collar around Kayli's neck, locking the chain to the buckle.   Allanah pulled Kayli onto the bed,and had her kneel near the headboard. She locked the other end of the chain to an eye bolt at the head of the bed, then had Kayli lay down.   The chain gave her just enough freedom to move around in her sleep, but not enough to get out of the bed. After Explaining to Kayli that if she needed to use the restroom, or a glass of water, she was to wake her and ask for it, she turned out the light, settled herself under the covers, and pulled Kayli close to her, whispering the answer to the question that the girl had been dying to ask, but had not dared.
    "Yes, I still want you."
    She felt Kayli shake softly, and pulled her even more closely against her, holding her until she cried herself to sleep.