4 Shows in 5 Days

Remember back when they announced tour dates for the Underneath Tour?  Well, it was complete insanity.  I was on vacation in Florida when some of them went on sale, so I was scrambling, using a laptop with a dial up connection, blah blah blah.  Well, to make, at least, that part of the story short, I ended up with tickets to Cincinnati, St. Louis, Nashville, and Indianapolis.

 My friend Stephanie lives in Utah, and she jumped on as well, having to come back east in much the same way I had to go out west last summer in order to see our favorite band.  So, for all you folks in the west who don’t get shows (yet), now you know how we were feeling last year, ouch!!!  Still, I’d bet Hanson plays a show or two (or eight) in California before the fat lady sings—hang in there!  Now then, on to the reviews—and I’ll try my best not to editorialize as I am so likely to do when talking about Hanson and/or their fans.  See my article “Hanson Fans and Why I Hate Them”…

Show #1—Cincinnati, Bogarts

Last year, this was the only show in pretty much the entire region, so it was over the top insane craziness.  This year, it was one of many shows in this area and it was still over the top insane craziness.  Bogarts is a dark, dirty feeling place, and is probably much more suited to punk bands (not that there’s any real punk bands left, but that’s a whole other rant) than to Hanson.  Remember them and their bus getting egged last year?  That’s the place!  But, I have to say, the staff this year was much nicer and they opened up the balcony this year so it wasn’t quite so stuffed in there. 

We got there early so we could get the front row of the back of the place.  There’s a riser behind the light/sound board and it’s the only place to be for a person of the 5’2” persuasion.  Even though the people running the electronic gadgets are chain smokers, it is worth it for the unobstructed view of the stage. 

Michael Tolcher was good.  Ben Jelen………..gosh, I so wanted to like him, I really did.

             But, alas, he bored me to tears and his sour notes and out of tune violin playing (which by the way, lots of girls swoon over) made me wince over and over.  When Hanson took the stage, we’d already seen the set list—well, until the smoking light guy saw us looking at it and snatched it away like it was top secret plans to rule the world or something, geez.  Anyway, Taylor was wearing a shirt we’d seen him in in ’97.  I mean it.  Um, it fits better now.  And that’s all I have to say about that.  Oh wait, one more thing—when he sweated in said shirt, it made a big dark heart shape on his chest.  Yeah.  I can’t remember what Isaac and Zac were wearing because they didn’t get heart shaped sweat spots.  However, I do remember that Zac was obviously feeling sub-par as every song on that set list that he was supposed to do was cut from the show.  So, I’ll just say that Zac is a fabulous drummer, even when he feels like shit.

Taylor’s finger was bandaged up to his hand, the rumor being that a fan had grabbed it at a previous show and wrenched it.  The other rumor being he’d lost his Taylor temper and hit a wall.  Gosh, I’m not sure which of those two I’d prefer.  Note to Taylor:  you need those hands, be careful with them, please.   

Isaac was his rocking self, running around playing solos and getting together to bang heads with the other guitar guy.  A highlight of the night was when they played “Every Word I Say”.  I simply adore this song.  I think it’s written about Ezra, and not a girl or God.  Who says “no no no no no” to God?  Somebody that wants to get struck by lightning, that’s who!  Not guys trying to get a record label off the ground and get through a tour!  Anyway, fantastic song and they did it beautifully! 

Taylor’s solo was “Believe” and it was just, wow.  He’s so talented. Cincinnati is always a crazy scene, I don’t know why, but the fans are always over the top.  This year, they didn’t have to stop the show to save the crushed people in the front though, so maybe that’s a good sign. 

Great show, great set list (even if they left out “Get Up and Go”).  We drove home once we finally found our way out of the city (get some road signs, Cincy!!!)  My only souvenir was a ripped off ad from the wall for the DVD, which they didn’t have for sale yet.

Show #2—St. Louis, The Pageant

Well, it’s a long story, but somehow I ended up with two sets of over-21 balcony seats for this show.  My friend had told me that that was the best way to go at this venue, and he was right.  I’d talked my friend Jennifer from California into going to the show.  You know, is there any other band in the world that will make a person from Kentucky, another from Utah, and another from California get together to make a trip to Missouri to see them for a couple hours?  No, I didn’t think so. 

I never got rid of my fourth ticket for this show, because the over 21 crowd was pretty much nowhere to be seen.  There were maybe 25 people up there, if that.  The balcony is a wonderful place, hanging out over the room and very close to the stage with no one to block your view (which as stated earlier is a serious, recurring problem for this writer).  So, we went to our front row center balcony seats and sighed with delight.  Jennifer ended up leaving her third row seat for the front because no one showed up for it. 

Our first thing to do there was to go to the deserted merchandise table.  There was a really low turnout for this show for some reason, but you know, more for me, and all that.  We purchased tourbooks ($20, ouch—the only thing I thought was a little bit overpriced, but it must not have been cuz I bought one, didn’t I?)  Ezra came out right when we were standing there and turned to my friend Stephanie.  When she smiled at him, he goes “Hi!  Hi!”  Say it together now, “Awwww….”  He then promptly threw his stuffed dog in the garbage can (which thankfully only held rolled posters).  It brought about visions of our hero Taylor fishing his car keys out of the toilet (it’s coming buddy, get ready!)  His game for the night seemed to be taking change from the box and “paying” the girls.  They’d say “thank you” and put the money back and he’d pay them again—gotta love almost-two-year-olds. 

It sounds like all we did was watch family goings on, but the merchandise table was right in our field of vision, and when Ben Jelen is playing, you gotta do something to keep from oozing out of your seat.  The good news:  he sounded better on the second night and some merciful person had tuned his violin.  He still didn’t have the “it” factor, though he seems to be a good musician technically.  Sorry dude.  Michael Tolcher was very good. 

Now then, on to the Isaac Hanson show.  Did I say that?  Well, it was.  He was ON.  Which was good, because Zac was still off—maybe even more so.  He got sort of pale at one point and his cheeks got all red and I really thought he might tip over.  Yet, again, he kept the beat and didn’t hold back percussionally.  Yes, computer, I know that’s not a word, so stop it.  Hanson fans will know what I’m talking about. 

Let’s see if I can remember what Taylor was wearing (he’s the only one that seems to change his uniform).  Hmmm…..all I can remember is he had on some boots that were to die for—you know, those motorcycle sort of boots?  But I think they were like, gray or something instead of brown.  I don’t know.  But they must not have had any sort of tread on the bottom because he slipped a couple times, and when he reached out to touch hands, he almost fell off the stage.  He was still nursing that bandaged finger and at one point he reached out to a fan and pulled it back quickly, very obviously hurting and put it behind his back so he wouldn’t forget and put it out there in harm’s way again.  We’re hearing by now that it’s broken, yet he still managed to bang away at that piano as he always has and to do the slow stuff with as much delicacy as needed.  He’s a showman, that’s for sure. The mother in me worries about him.  He seems like his hands hurt him—he’s constantly stretching them, or shaking them, or pulling on them.  Darn, I wasn’t going to get off track, was I?  Sorry. 

Back to the Ike Show—he’s gotten a new haircut.  It’s no longer a fauxhawk, it’s a real live Mohawk.  More or less.  It’s pretty much shaved on the sides—it’s that stuff that looks like it would feel like velvet if you touched it.  Then you have this sort of…cock’s comb effect.  He looked like a little rooster out there!  He was too cute!  And he was strutting his stuff and making guitar faces and went over and banged on Taylor’s piano while Taylor was playing it—excellent!!!  He snarled and just sang his little heart out.  Back to back “Love Song” and “Hand in Hand” were to die for.  Now, I am going to admit to you that the recorded versions of those songs have always sort of not gotten to me.  Live however, is another story.  They rock and Isaac just pulls out all the stops on them.  I think he thought it was his job to boost up the other brothers, and it worked!  Pretty soon, we were seeing our regular Taylor.  In fact, he scolded us before the night was over, yelling at everyone in the balcony to get up off their asses because they’d been sitting all night!  I wanted to defend myself, by pointing out the tiny little rail about shin height that was the only thing to keep one from tumbling over into the swoon pit 20 feet below.  That, my son, is like seeing a tank full of great white sharks below you.  But, being Hanson fans, no one can resist the siren call of Taylor when he says to do something, so we got up off our asses and danced away the rest of the night—which was high on the energy scale by now.  Fun, fun stuff.  Then, my friends and I retreated to our hotel room to solve the problems of Hanson and their world til around 3 am.  If only they’d listen to us…

Day 3—No Show

On this day, we rested.  Sort of.  We went to the Arch.  Ever been in a clothes dryer?  Well, if you haven’t, just go up in one of those little elevators to the top of the Arch in St. Louis—same thing.  It’s a very fun thing to do with a beautiful view of the city on one side, and the river on the other.  Then we went to Union Station and pigged out on fried Ravioli.  Yum.  Here’s how good it was—I ate so much of it that I didn’t have room for cheesecake afterwards.  That’s some serious business there.  We shopped a little, then it was time to take Jennifer back to her hotel so she could get to the airport, and Stephanie and I to hit the road back to Louisville to get some sleep before heading back out again the following day. 

Show #3—Nashville

One of the things that happened the night of the Ike Show…er…St. Louis was that I received a phone call before the show, telling me I had an email from AshG.  Can you say “heart pounding freaking out nervousness”?  I’ve been a fan of this band for seven years now, and I’ve always been afraid that I’d actually end up meeting them.  Afraid, because I’m a huge weenie (I cried at the preview for Titanic—I’m not kidding) and I just knew I’d make a fool of myself. Well, I found out I was getting a Meet n Greet for the Nashville show.  So, I made a plan.  I knew I had to tell them how much they and their music have meant to me, but I also knew I’d turn into a blubbering idiot if I did.  I’d recently gone through a huge box of old t-shirts and set aside a couple that just made me think of them.  I was gonna give them to Jessica or Kate and ask them to give them to the guys.  But, alas, now I could just give them to them myself.  It gave me something to talk to them about without getting all wispy.  I had a “Powerbilt” one for Zac, just because he looks like he should have “powerbilt” across his chest.  For Taylor, I had my old Police Synchronicity 1983 Tour Shirt, and for Isaac, I had to go into my drawer and pull out a gorgeous Chewbacca shirt.  Then, I went to the bookstore and got a “Calvin & Hobbes” book—anyone that knows me knows I ADORE that, and when I was reading it the other night, I was thinking that Taylor MUST have that book.  It’s like, a survival guide for anyone with a son.  I was certain they would have already read it (I mean, who hasn’t?) but I thought, with some time on the bus, maybe they’d like to get re-acquainted.  My other reason for picking up a book for them, was so I could write a note in it and I wouldn’t have to say all those mushy things to their face and lose it.  I grabbed my MMMBOP license plate for them to sign and we were off to Nashville!

Nashville is a great town, and we’d planned on sightseeing all day (and through the warm up acts) since it was a reserved seating show.  I also know that the ushers there are serious business, so I pretty much knew my seat would be there waiting for me.  It sounds like I’m a bad person and hate the warm ups, but that’s not really the case.  It’s just that Stephanie and I (and Jennifer!) don’t get to see each other that often, so we’d rather hang out and talk and eat and stuff than sit through bands we don’t know.  Plus, my friends Mark and Sonya came with us as well.  But, that all went out the window anyway because I had to be there at 5 for the Meet n Greet.  I’d forget about it for a while, then I’d remember and get all flustered again.  Sheesh!  It’s a good thing I don’t meet Hanson everyday, cuz I’d have had a heart attack by now. 

Anyway, we met up with a lot of people we only knew from their screen names—it’s so cool to connect with these people. Finally it was time to meet up with Ash and the other meet n greeters.  One of the girls was Maddie—she hadn’t been told she was coming to the show that day, let alone that she was getting to meet them.  She was ecstatic!!  Her Mom had told her she was going shopping, which she hates.  Because she’s in a wheelchair, her mom got to go with her, and she was a great person! 

It’s actually a good thing that Hanson is running late 24/7.  It gives their fans time to calm down a little before meeting them (a good thing for everyone involved).  Ash G was a funny guy.  And by the way, he says there are no easter eggs on the new DVD.  However, there is one on the member one that still hasn’t been found yet!  So, get cracking all you hackers! 

Finally, they took us upstairs after the radio winners got through.  Taylor was sitting on his feet on the table.  Like ON the table.  He must not weigh a lot because it wasn’t sagging under his weight like it looked like it should have.  As we walked up, he got down and suddenly became much taller.  Zac was first in line.  What a gorgeous guy!  Those brown eyes were right on you.  He liked the shirt—you know, once I gave them to them, I thought about the fact that I was not a very large person back then—I doubt he can get that chest into that powerbilt shirt!  Ah well, no  matter—it’s the thought that counts, right?  And Taylor’s shoulders are definitely too wide for the Police one, darnit!  Though it would be nice to see them try to get into them, haha!  Isaac should have no problem—if I can get into that Chewie shirt, so can he. 

Zac asked me where Kentucky was as he signed my license plate.  I didn’t have the heart to say, “Look out that window—on a clear day you can probably see it from here”, so I told him I’d driven three hours to get there.  He said that’s pretty far, but that he thinks he’s driven longer for a concert.  I had to agree. 

Suddenly I’m in front of Taylor.  Good heavens.  He is a mess.  His hair is a mess, he has whiskers on his chin ala Shaggy from Scooby Doo, the lighting just accentuated his crows feet and the scar under his eye, he has those little spaces in his teeth—and he is perfect.  I don’t get it.  Somehow, you take all those imperfect things and put them together and it turns into this beautiful, ethereal, perfect package.  It’s just not right.  I don’t know what he said to me when I walked up, but he started to sign the t-shirt.  I wonder if he thought I was a nut, wanting him to sign my Police shirt.  So, I told him not to sign it unless he wanted to sign his own shirt.  He smiled, thanked me and said it was cool, signed my plate, and shook my hand. 

Then I was with Isaac.  He’s a lovely person too.  I know I’ve said it before, but pictures don’t do him (or Zac or Taylor for that matter) justice.  I gave him the Chewie shirt, and alas, like his brother, he started to sign it.  Nutty boys.  He liked it and thanked me.  Then I gave him the CD of my friend’s band.  Those poor guys—they get so much stuff from their fans.  Oh well, you could have worse problems, I suppose.  I gave him the book and he looked at it and said, “Calvin and Hobbes?”  in a way that made me think he’d read it already.  So I said, “Have you read it?” and he said “No.”  Yaaaay!!!  I said, “Oh, it’ll change your life!”  Taylor and Zac were looking too, so I said, “Especially people with little boys.”  Then, last but not least, I gave him the article on Natalie Portman that had just come in the mailbox the day before in an issue of Seventeen Magazine.  He laughed so hard it made me laugh too.  What a smile he has. 

So, that was the Meet n Greet.  The picture part was fun—no one would walk back over when it was our turn so Taylor put his hand out and was like, “Come on, we don’t bite.”  Nobody moved so I thought, hell, you don’t have to ask me twice.  I took my rightful spot next to Taylor (haha!) and then he leans in and says, “Now, we’re gonna bite ya.”  I’ll bet my eyes were huge, because I was thinking, please don’t let him know I write a story about him in which he really WOULD bite someone.  A very surreal moment.  He has the teensiest little waist ever.  It was like putting your arm around a child.  We smiled, they took the pic and we relaxed. 

For some reason, no one went anywhere and we found ourselves standing in a circle which included three Hansons.  I looked at Zac and asked him if he was feeling better—that we’d be seeing 4 shows in 5 days and had yet to hear him sing.  He said he was better, but his voice was still a bit rough.  Taylor said he had sung.  I said harmony doesn’t count, so he nudged Zac and said, “I’ll bet you sing tonight.”  And he did. 

He did “The Walk” as his solo, and they did “Man From Milwaukee”.  So, I was happy about that.  Zac put on his silly Elvis glasses and when we said we should get a pic, he jerked them off again.  And then it was time for them to go. 

What a sweet time.  I’m satisfied.  I don’t feel like I have to hang around a stinky old bus now, or beat myself up for being too shy to get close enough to ask for an autograph.  They all three signed my plate for me and I got to talk to them without completely losing my composure.  It’s all good.

The show was fantastic.  Ben Jelen was moving up a notch each night, getting points this evening for playing Tracy Chapman’s “Revolution”.  A wonderful song whose message is very timely right now.  And, he did a good job.  I still didn’t feel it on his original stuff though.  Maybe he’s just too…subdued is not the word I’m looking for, but it’s the only one I can come up with.  Michael Tolcher was very very good again—I was tempted to pick up the CD, but I didn’t let myself part with the benjamins.  There was another Hanson show coming up after all. 

The Ryman is an old theatre with an amazing history.  Probably not a lot of you know a lot about early country music, but all the greats have graced this stage.  People like Patsy Cline and Hank Williams (Senior, NOT Junior).  So, it was wonderful to see Hanson there.  The acoustics are amazing.  It used to be a church before it was a music hall.  We sat in wooden pews instead of seats.  While waiting for the encore, people slapped the wooden seats in front of them—a very cool sound, and very loud! 

Isaac came out in a cowboy hat (and it wasn’t PINK)!  Very sexy.   The show was great—Taylor’s solo was “Love Me”—ahhhh, Elvis.  He dedicated it to his wife and his grandmother who was having a birthday that day.  Um,  Taylor can sing.  That song was to die for (what we could hear of it—thanks, screamers.)  I won’t go through every song, but I’ll just tell you they rocked that old place.  The balcony was jumping and the floor was writhing—it was quite the sight to see! I always wonder what non-fans think of it all….

Alright—afterwards we had to cut through the alley to get to our car.  Egads!  Zac had come out and the place was mayhem!  We squeezed our way through and once again, made our late-night way back to Louisville to sleep and get up and go to Indianapolis the next day…

Show #4—Indianapolis, the Murat Egyptian Room

The night before, in Nashville, we’d gotten to buy the DVD.  Let me just say that you must see the bonus footage—those are three funny guys, and I finally believe that they do know that their fans are not average, garden variety fans.  As much as I complain about my fellow fans, the same things that make me pissed at them are the things that I love them for.  There is NO other show you’ll go to with the energy level of a Hanson show.  And part of it is the fans.  And I think Hanson feeds off it and it shows in their performance.  It’s electric, that’s all there is to it. 

For Indianapolis, we did an insane thing.  The floor in the room is flat.  No risers to get on, no bar area that’s higher—it’s just a big, beautiful, flat room.  So, we ran/walked into the room, lost our minds, and seeing our friend Katy there, we dove into the pit.  Our Hanson.net cards had gotten us in first (don’t be mad, we’d gotten there early anyway, so it only gained us a few moments)—so we actually managed to position ourselves in the “second row”.  I’m short, so if I’m not first or second row, all I see is the back of the person’s head in front of me and the occasional view of the top of the head of the performer I’m “seeing”.  So, it was important that we stand our ground;  not an easy thing to do at a Hanson show, as I’m sure you all know. 

While Michael Tolcher was on (not as good looking up close, but still good music—I might have to have that CD now…) the crowd wasn’t too bad.  But man, when Ben Jelen came out in a black wife-beater, things got nasty.  He is definitely a looker (much better close up) and he hadn’t reverted back to his Cincy-bad-singing/bad violining thank, God.  The pushing was extreme.  Elbows, heads, butts, knees—they were using everything they had to push me out of my in-front-of-the-piano spot.  The girl in back of me kept crying “I’m only a hundred and three pounds!”  So I said, “That’s why I went off my diet!”  Haha—pit humour!  I’m not that big, but it’d take bigger people than were there that night to move me out of my Taylor-side spot.  It got so intimate I felt like I should be exchanging phone numbers with these girls or buying them a drink or something!  I kept thinking, if it’s this insane for Ben Jelen, what’s gonna happen when Hanson comes out? 

Well, you know Hanson—gotta make everyone wait.  By the time we heard that danged Santana song the fourth time, the crowd was actually groaning when it would start up again.  It was actually sort of funny, if I hadn’t been fearing for my life and my ribs and stuff.  Finally the lights went down, and to my surprise, the pushing didn’t really get any worse.  Of course, I don’t know how much closer I could have gotten to the people around me anyway.  I was thankful for the water I’d downed before going into the venue.  That might be what saved me. 

Anyway—each show we’d seen had gotten progressively wilder from a Hanson point of view.  Zac seemed to be back full strength, Ike was guitar god, and Taylor…whoa.  He had on a white beater (I’ll bet he watched the Ben Jelen spectacle and said to himself, I’ll show him how to get to the girls…) and something else, I don’t know, probably some pants and shoes.  All I can remember is pecs.  I think that’s what they’re called.  He actually leaned back on his piano stool at one time, placed his head on the floor in this very erotic way, and then slowly pulled himself back up.  That, my friends, is how you get a nice, flat stomach and a room full of swooning, hyperventilating females.  I’ll have to work on it.  It was a nice sight to see from the second row. 

They granted me my wish and did “Get Up and Go”!  I think it was the encore—it’s all starting to blur.  Maybe it was lack of oxygen to my brain during that show.  But, as much as I had been looking forward to that, it couldn’t surpass the Amazing Taylor Show that happened during “In the City”.  Not a favorite on record, we all know what it can be like live—well, take that times ten.  Taylor decided to just kill us all, including himself, during that song.  He ran, he groaned, he paced, he jumped up on the speakers and leapt off again like an insane person.  I was actually afraid I was going to witness him breaking something.  Like, an ankle or a neck.  Not satisfied with running around the stage, he climbed up on his piano and did some sort of stripper-ish dancing as he was singing, then again, leapt off.  He was nice and tangled in the wires of the mic and everything else on the stage and did a very nice, drunken stumble all across the stage, narrowly keeping on his feet and doing that close up Isaac duet thing that drives Hanson fans mad.  Whodathunk that women loved the idea of a guy getting together with his brother so much?  Again, Hanson fans mystify me.

Well, that was my 4 shows in 5 nights with Hanson.  God, I love those boys…