diana, do you love me?
well, of course i do. what a dumb question. we've been together for over three years, and now you have to ask me that question? silly girl.
this is different. i mean, do you really really love me?
yes, i really really love you. ok? is that it?
diana, do you trust me?
is this a game of twenty questions, or what? yes, i trust you. you control the purse strings, don't you? you drive my car... sleep in my bed... you even know where the gun is hidden and the bullets, too... would i let you do these things, know these things, if i didn't trust you???
but i said this is different. i need to know. i want to do something... i want to do something i've always wanted to do. will you do it with me?
it all depends. what is it? what is it you've always wanted to do, but never asked until now? ... ... you exasperate me with your beating around the bush. ... why do you always go through this routine? stop all this hemmin' and hawin' around and just ask me. is it that monumental?
well, ummm... i want... well, let me ask you this first. have you ever looked at yourself?
are you kiddin'? tell me this is a joke, right? of course i've looked at myself. every morning when i brush my teeth and run a comb through my hair, i look into the mirror over the sink, and voila! surprise surprise. there i am, starin' back at me. that's really a dumb question, susan.
that's not what i mean. i mean, have you ever looked at yourself... ummm... you know... down there?
are you sick? NO! i've never looked at myself "down there." why would i want to? i'm sure i have everything i'm supposed to have "down there." geez, louise! i'm goin' to bed. get outa my way... i'm tired. now leave me alone.
(what a fruit cake!)
what did you say? what did you just mutter under your breath?
i said, you are a fruit cake!
no, diana. i am a curious woman and i want to know what i look like and i want to know what you look like and i want to know if we look alike down there... and i want to share the experience with you...
well, susan, i'm not lookin' and you aren't lookin' at me either. so there. now leave me alone. i'm goin' to bed.
i'm getting sick and tired of you controlling everything we say and do. you're always telling me i am stupid, or dumb this dumb that. it gets boring after awhile and i want you to stop treating me like i'm a dumb little kid. i'm an intelligent woman, with a vivid imagination and a colossal curiosity. just because you think something is dumb doesn't make it so. now, if you love me and if you trust me as you say you do, then you will do this with me... after all, it might be terrific fun. and who knows what it might lead to... hmmm??? what do you say??? pretty please with sugar on top???
boy, oh boy. you just aren't goin' to let this go, are you? you're goin' to push and shove, and beg and whine until i give in... right? ok. ok. ok. i'll do it with you. sheez... (anything to get you off my back!)
oh, goodie goodie goodie. thank you. thank you. lets go into the bedroom and get undressed and sit in the middle of the bed facing each other and i have a mirror and everything...
huh? a mirror and everything? why do you need a mirror? you spread your legs apart, i look. i spread my legs apart, you look. that's it, isn't it? what do you need a mirror for? ... oooh, ok. i get it. i'm goin' to hold a mirror for you to look at yourself... hmmm... ok, but i'm not interested in lookin' at myself that way... so lets go and get this over with. i want to go to bed to sleep! ok? not to look at my whowho!
diana, you really amaze me. you're so immature when it comes to stuff like this. your "whowho" has a name. the medical term for your...
will you please be quiet. i know the medical names for my private parts! do i look like i dropped off the backend of a turnip truck during last night's rain??? you're just so annoying. your "ummm... down there" is no different than my "whowho." why is it ok for you to say "down there" and it's immature of me to call it my "whowho"? ... oh, never mind. just forget it. i don't feel like arguin' about it. come on. lets get this over and done with...
...and so they went into the bedroom and removed their clothes and sat facing each other in the middle of their bed.
this was my mother's mirror. she kept it on her dressing table. there's a matching comb and brush set, too. my mother loved to have me brush her hair and she would hold this mirror in her elegant hands and look at the back of her hair to see if i had fashioned the french twist to her liking. my mother had graceful hands... long slender fingers... so soft... mother would flip over in her grave if she knew what we're doing with her mirror. aren't you excited, just a little bit? aren't you curious too?
no, and no. i'm not the least bit curious. but to please you, i'll submit to this thing you ask. lets just get on with it and not talk it to death.
diana's eyes never wavered from their direct stare into susan's eyes. she did not dare lower them to look at her partner of three plus years. she did not want to look at her, you know... down there.
they had a satisfying sex life together, or at least diana was satisfied. she was never really certain if susan was though. susan always seemed to want more, need more than diana in that regard. susan was always coming up with these screwball ideas to add "spice and variety" (that's what susan called it) to their sexual exploits.
so diana went along with most of susan's hair brained schemes. anything to make her happy... keep her quiet... and, sometimes, just once in awhile, diana did find susan's ideas titillating, exhilarating, and once even quite satisfying.
ok. here. look. i'll just take my hands like this and spread myself open so you can see me... now just lower your eyes and look at me. what colors am i? what do you see? am i pretty? do you like what you see?
susan! please be quiet. let me look, will ya. i need to move the lamp a little closer. no wait. let me go get a flashlight. that'll be easier... hmmm... i see... egads! what am i looking at? hmmm... you're sort of brown looking.
brown? chocolate brown? or coffee brown?? muddy brown???
brown. just plain brown.
i don't believe it! judy chicago's dinner party had six thousand plates representing the female genitalia and each plate was as different from the next one as night is from day. i don't believe it that i am "just plain brown!"
well, believe it, ok. you're... well, wait a minute... maybe you're sort of reddish brownish, cocoa brown maybe... mauve? ummm... it's hard to tell. let me get a little closer... move your fingers out of the way. that's it. just hold the outer parts open... clear the hair out of the way. ... ok, you're kinda pinkish brown here and darker pinky rose color there...
here? there? where? what parts are pink? what parts are brown? tell me. be more explicit...
you're never satisfied, susan. why don't you just hold the mirror up and take a look for yourself? no, never mind... give it here. i'll hold it for you. then you can decide for yourself what color you are...
...and so diana took the mirror in her hands and held it up between susan's legs so she could see her color.
oh my. just look at me! look at the colors. there are so many. my clit is one shade of rose, my labia another. oh wow. oh WOW! and the labia minora are so small and delicate looking... mmm... hey, i'm kind of cute, aren't i...
...and with that declaration, susan fell backward onto the bed and lay there all spread eagle and faint. diana just could not understand her excitement. she had no intention of looking at herself. she would let s take a peek, a quick look and that was all. diana would not even consider letting susan touch her there, not under circumstances like this. and no way would diana look at herself down there!
revived from her stupor, susan said...
ok. ok. ok. your turn. here let me hold the mirror for you. no, wait. i want to look at you first. let me look at you.
give me a second, susan. will ya, please? this is... this is difficult for me. i need a moment to catch my breath. ... ok, listen to me. i will lay back on the pillows and let you look at me. just look quick. use the flashlight and look fast and get it over with, ok? i really don't want to do this, but... for you, i will do this thing you ask. and don't be ooo-in' and ahhh-in' all over the place. and don't go pokin' around down there either... i don't want you to touch me there. understand?
ok. ok. ok. oh wow. oh wow! ... oh, my... you have a rainbow of colors! i'm jealous. my pussy looks like a desert of rosy browns and you have a rainbow!!!! not fair. here, you look! we are so different. it's utterly amazing!!!!
no. i don't want to look at myself. i'll take your word for it that i look like a gay pride flag down there.
awww, come on. take a look. it isn't going to hurt. i promise.
i said, 'NO!' what part of 'no' don't you understand? now leave me alone. go away. NOW!!! you had your look. now go away and leave me alone...
...and with those words spoken, diana started to tremble and shake. a great scream of agony welled up from her gut and poured forth from her contorted face. susan immediately crawled over to her, grabbed her up into her arms, pulled her to her breast and held her there... susan rocked her back and forth... back and forth... and wondered what specter had come to terrorize diana.
what's wrong, what's going on? what haven't you told me, diana? you said you loved me. you said you trusted me. you know i would never hurt you... tell me why you are so scared.... tell me what you're afraid of... tell me what happened, diana...
i... i don't want t-to look at myself... down there... b-b-because... because i'm afraid... afraid of what i might see!!!!
oh, darling... sweet woman... you will see a most beautiful part of yourself. really. there's nothing to be afraid of...
NO!! i-i'm afraid i might see... i might see my h-h-husband rammin' his drunken self into me... i don't want to see him doin' it to me... to feel him doin' it to me again. not like that! not ever again! it was terrible. i told him no. i begged him to stop. i pleaded. i cried and i kept tellin' him no... stop... and he did it anyway. he kept rammin' into me. hurtin' me, rippin' me, tearin' me apart inside.
he r-r-RAAAA P E D ME!!!!!!
o, my god al-migh-ty,he raped me ...NO..OO....oo....oo........
torturous spasms wracked her body. she heaved great sobs. she cried and screamed again and again... screams that left her throat raw... agonized salty tears spilled down her face...
oh, darling.. oh, diana, my love... my darling woman... my sweet sweet woman... shhhh... shhhh... it's all right now, darling woman. its all right... shhh... he will never do it to you again. never. never! he will never lay his hands on you ever again!!!!
how could susanhave lived with this beautiful woman for more than three years and yet not know this awful truth about her friend, her lover, her companion, her life partner... but susan did not know. did not know that diana had been raped by her own husband. diana had never told her. susan listened as diana choked out the horrifying details of her nightmare at the hands of her husband... her own husband!
susan held her and rocked her until her tears turned to white tracks on her cheeks. susan wiped her brow and licked the tear trails from her tender skin... susan held her and listened to the horror of her lover's torture... susan held her and rocked her and listened until she was all sobbed out... until diana, exhausted, totally spent, fell asleep in her arms. diana's head rested on her breast, her hand cupped the other. she made strangled mewing sounds as she slept in susan's arms.... susan held her through the night. susana did not sleep. susana just sat there and cradled her lover in her arms and rocked her back and forth and held her while she slept like a baby at her breast.
in the morning when diana awoke, her face blotched from fatigue and the torrent of pain and tears, susan whispered in her ear...
oh, sweet dear wonderful woman mine, let me show you how beautiful you are. let me show you the rainbow between your legs. let me help you see yourself for the marvelous strong beautiful woman you are. put your hand in mine, and close your eyes. let me hold my mother's mirror just so, and when you are ready, just open your eyes slowly, ever so slowly, and see what i see. see the rainbow between your legs.
diana did as her lover suggested. diana gripped her sweetheart's hand until susan thought diana would surely crush her bones. diana closed her eyes and opened her legs only wide enough apart so susan could position the mirror just so...
whenever you are ready, my angel. take your time... i am right here with you. and whenever you are ready ...
it took long minutes before diana could open her eyes. her hand trembled and gripped susan's fingers tighter and she took a deep breath and she exhaled slowly and then she opened her eyes to herself and saw therainbow between her legs.
Saturday, 09 March 2002 11:29:34 AM -0600