Jan 20, 1991
 
 
 
Grace, and her friend Tim just left after a visit here in my bedroom w/ chairs, camomile, and cappucino. And war, there's no denying, the rules for international conduct in the post-Cold-War era to be determined, "like dreamers in past American history, I hope that the UN can become a more cohesive force to save the planet from itself. Is the US in a state of imperial over-reaction as the NYT's Judith Miller and Laurie Mylrose of Harvard quote Kenneth Phillips in their new book "Saddam Hussein."

There is no doubt the US is facing some severe domestic crises -- the result of the entire post-WWII dream gone awry, congressional drift & presidential neglect. But I do not see it as inevitable no matter the 'haunted' American soul.

Chas the folklorist catches John Hartford's act before word go, quoth Saddam's predecessor al-Hadjadj (694 A.D.):

By God, I shall strip you like bark,
I shall truss you like a bundle of twigs,
I shall beat you like stray camels.
By God, what I promise, I fulfill.

The Umayyads appointed Al, who addressed the people in this way. These tips "enlighten" us in understanding the Abassid caliphate, which built the city of Baghdad, they also encouraged synthesis of Greek and Persian learning.

THE W.Castle Lounge shootout in downtown Louisville -- Iraqi terrorists? Sen. "Patriot" Graham says opponents of the Raytheon system are going to eat crow. Resurrection of SDI, they say.

Jan 21, 1991
 
 
 
MLK for many in the shadow of war & the possibly overreaching events all this Earth. And I am an overexposed droplet of rose water. I could make war with my compatriots because I have seen the gentle doubled-trees at the river. There is nothing to separate us from death, this journal does not lead to self-improvement.

I am as I am;not another butthead with that lame "great American novel no one will read. Rather some more important testimony to the individual experience of my own life.

My own tone over the last 5 days has been a militant one & I wish I had an RD with me now. Instead, I'm watching a TV movie about Morris Dees and the Southern Poverty Law Center and glancing through "The Transmutation of Timothy Archer." and glancing off Chas' hostility which comes from a place I don't care to fathom -- it's the war and it's his & my own situations. We have many better moments. Like a lazy bum I take in the racial strife and reconciliation.

But there is no holding point here in this room, save the comfort of not being among those I work with -- anything but that.

I've come across Morris Dees in my abstracting -- most recently the Portland OR beating case. I suppose the movie might anger some out there, but let them blame it on the $&%$&* conspiracy.

In honor of this state of war I'll make this a state of war, which I see is pervasive in gaining a hold. No one will back down & tonight, the picture the Iraqis sent are damning evidence of their desire to break down the civilized world, that is, the world of free thought and travel. No non-democratic country has ever matched the peaceful rein of economy that freedom provides.

Perhaps Saddam "Sodom" is the antichrist, and was present when the archangel was accosted on the streets of the old city. There was cunning, guile, the face of Judas in the kiss -- today's search of DIALOG saying TORTURE of children to extort cooperation of their parents. And Hafez Assad is of the same B'aathist persuasion although Saddam's bloody rival. These are things that can bring us down, make rock-n-roll impossible. If only I could loosen their will to destroy -- I think that this is called prayer.

8:10AM Jan 22, 1991
 
 
 
Today will be lived like a literary exercise. I get a new paper -- hopefully as late as the 8th. The war & its consequences loom doubly large in my life & really that is why the anecdotal focus of my pages are so shifted & over-emphasized. But can I apologize for this if it is the true life I'm leading? Adventures yes, censorship no. Certainly I want only the details that are luminous to me. I must continue to escalate my goal of making the sedentary job an intellectual trasure & achieve as many filings as possible.

On Thursday the 17th, I visited Ma & Pa w/ Rob once again. This time I made herbed ricotta stuffed shells & salad w/ a vinaigrette. Chas caled when the erroneous reports of nerve gas in Israel began. We met at Ron's later to watch. I did not sleep solid until this morning after several days of frenzy -- at home & work. Chas I have had deeply analytical conversations to help cope, but the pace of events is fearful. We think this may be WWIII, but we hope it is not (sic).

At the bookstores I bought the Village Voice, Outweek, the Advocate and Outlines for a bit of immersion and stimulation. A steady course of intellectual, tactical and physical growth bears me now. ...German demonstrators painted a red line from the Iraqi embassy to US Army HQ...Two Iraqis attempt to bomb the American Center library in Manila and blow themselves up again. Assaulting books is good to them? Darshan overtakes American crowds at an NHL Game at the singing of "The Star-Spangled Banner."

From Outweek 1990-Year-End-Issue, p.52:

"Finally, after heavy pressure, on Nov. 29, Bush signed into law an immigration reform bill, lifting the Nazi border ban"

on queers, a clause which dates back to the McCarthy era. Otherwise the US-sponsored SF AIDS Conference would face international embarrassment by a boycott of the event by civilized nations. That word again.

Notes from OUTWEEK, pg. 56: ACT/UP Portland "outed" Sen. Mark Hatfield on a Portland billboard.

Jan 22, 1991
 
 
 
Halfway through the workday & my walk over to the Galleria is done. I fantasize about the suited men and what could be my dedication to service of any one of them, and I face the fact that I could have been J. Edgar Hoover's valet if I were alive then and he weren't so damn ugly. I dream of making aide de camp.

This week I rediscovered the case of Joe Steffans, the former midshipman whose story is covered in INTERVIEW, Village Voice, Publisher's Weekly, The Advocate, and more. I understand this hero of mine has been on "Nightline, "Larry King," and "Donahue," as well as having sung "The Star Spangled Banner" twice at the Army-Navy football game sometime in the mid-80s. By his example, I can rise above what I see and behold what is true. That I should expect no less of myself than the best, and that integrity, and yes, honor, are self-originating, and possible. I've got pictures of Steffan's "scream" under the shelves of my cubicle at work. I have a great conversation with T. Hoyle about it all on Friday as we walked to my car at 3rd & Breckenridge after work. Joe Steffans, RD of West Point, "An Honorable Lie" -- and the Persian Gulf War are linked in my consciousness. I covered the word "gay" with "poets'" possessive cleverly.

 
 
 
Jan 27, 1991
 
 
 

According to various articles on the war in The Village Voice, the US government is scapegoating former US Ambassador to Iraq April Glaspie for having sent wrong signals to Saddam, but in fact she was only following orders of James Baker and Bush. All is not well..and is amazing war came to pass...

I'm compiling a monthly search update list to extend my umbilical relation to the database, like say, Steffans should be updated after Dec 8 ruling that the US Navy could not question about his contacts if they discharged him for his being.

As for what I'll do, I don't know, write about empty-nothngs-smoke-read Salinger-w/my cappucino, continue listening to The Cure...

I feel exasperation of a man who has felt too much without letting it out. I was done with my expanded quotas today by 4PM leaving time for a structured search of the database. My angles continue to expand. "Coming Out Right" by Robert Scheer in Playboy, Dec. 1990. discusses the coming out of Marvin Liebman, co-founder of Young Americans for Freedom with William Buckley, in an open letter to The National Review Scheer delineates the differences among libertarian and "traditional mores" conservatism. Liebman also co-founded the American Conservative Union with Robert Bauman (who since authored "The Gentleman from Maryland: The Conscience of a Gay Conservative"). Bauman writes: "In an article in The Advocate, Liebman exhorts other gays to join him in the land of conservatives." His recommendation: "Don't leave the field to the enemy." (Playboy, p. 55).

Or, my phone conversation with one "Dick Head" grunt from Ft. Ord at 6AM on Sunday -- "marine fucking marine fucking dickehead grunt," he said.

An accidental conversation with Tony Hoylve when I dialed his number thinking of Shauna Helton's March on DC with the Coalition Against...and John Papanek. Since our conversation on gay politics e.g. conservatism, i.e. why be in the military gay or not in case of Joe Steffan led me to DIALOG cross-reference:

     SS (gay rights movement/df or homosexuality/df) and 
        conservatism

  

President Bush's firing of his special assistant for public liaison, B. Douglas Wead, "after he declined on several occasions to support White House to homosexual groups: as reported in conservative newspaper The Washington Times, Aug. 2, 1990. On the eve of the Kuwaiti invasion. Helms files a complaint with the FEC alleging that the gay boycott of Philip Morris products by a coalition was a violation. Ha! countersuit. I can see how W. Times stirs foment on Jul 30, 1990 conservative GOPs criticize Bush for breaking no-new-taxes pledge & inviting homos to the White House for signing of Hate Crimes Act. Right after Liebman came out, Buckley responds. And, in May 28, 1990's National Review, pp.22-23 article "Mr. Bush's cautious embrace?" by William McGurn, abstracted as:

   "Pres. Bush lost more of his conservative support when he 
    invited members of gay-rights organizations to the 
    signing of the Hate Crimes Statistics Act."

  

I love it, thanks George. I only wish our activists would spend more time documenting alleged crimes and less of it screaming at the President. Of note, is the recent change in INS regulations regarding AIDS. Search immigration and (GRIN/DF or HOMOS?/DF). As a sidenote, there are more entries under homosexuality/df (2000) and conservatism (1961). plug on o Wash. Times!

And the other side, original source Advocate notes, Jan 15, 1991:

    The New Republic's Dec 17, 1990 cover story "Gay Life, Gay Death," by 
    Deputy Editor Andrew Sullivan, ACTUP, homophobia & blacks, divisions over HIV. 
    Catching up, Seattle passed domestic-partnership legislation by a larger margin 
    than San Francisco & conferred benefits, according to a letter writer.

  

Jan 31, 1991
 
 
 

I find that the entire public mood has shifted drastically since Jan. 16, and things that seemed important no longer do. But there is not unity over what is developing in Khafji, Saudi Arabia -- and the rumors of war are working constantly -- marine spokesmen say as many as 16k Iraqi troops may be amassing for an attack on S.A. The thought of the deaths implied is repulsive. [ The press plays through misgivings of Western weakness..kneejerk] as Saddam reportedly said to Ambassador Glaspie in Apr 90: "The American people have no stomach for battle with 10k casualties." Bush calls Saddam a "tyran." I'm put in the odd position of seeming in support, but it's more complex. The Reagan/Bush meddling and arms peddling of the 80s have left us little choice. Tony rightly reminds me, at Uncle Pleasant's performance by Chas, that "this policy means the continuation of military intervention" for the future." And if I must support war now, what of the future? So am I a 'closet Republican' as Chas joked. Hardly. Just circumspect and awake.