Rabid Legolas Fan Girls Strike Again
It was almost midnight. All of a sudden, a pink flash lit up the sky, and there was a horrified scream. Then, all was silent.
The next morning, when the police arrived at the jail, they saw the guard lying facedown on the ground. “Yes folks,” one of the policemen said. “This man has died from being stabbed to death by high heels. Which can only mean one thing—the evil Legolas fan girls have escaped!”
Legolas was watching the news and brushing his hair at the same time (he’s multitalented) in his daddy’s palace in Mirkwood when he heard the horrible news. “…seventy-three, seventy-four, seventy-five…” he counted
with every stroke of the brush in his long golden hair. Then, he tuned in to listen to the news.
“Just before midnight last night, there was a jailbreak at the Middle-earth jail.
A troop of crazed Legolas fan girls broke out last night and murdered the guard with their high heels. They are presumed to be chasing the popular Legolas Greenleaf. They still have not been found. It is supposed that they are armed (with high heels and lipstick) and very dangerous. If I were Legolas, I’d be very afraid, wouldn’t you Bob?”
“Yes I would Fred. Well, here is today’s weather in Mirkwood: partly cloudy today with a high of…”
The brush fell to the floor with a clatter.
The evening after the jailbreak, the crazed fan girls met in their new hideout located in the middle of the Plains of
Rohan. There was a big pink neon sign above the door that said:
This is the new Rabid Legolas Fan Girls’ Hideout.
C’mon in—
IF YOU DARE!
Inside, crowds of senseless girls, all dressed in flamingo pink, were plotting their next plan to marry Legolas. One of the girls said, “Maybe we can Google search him on the internet!”
“Nah, that’ll never work. Nobody knows that he lives in Mirkwood.” Fan girl #2 said.
“Oh, okay,” Fan girl #1 said. Another girl (Fan girl #3) walked up.
“Fan girl #2, what did you just say?” she said excitedly. Fan girl #2 said, “I said, no one knows that he lives in Mirk—ooooooh, I get it!” (She wasn’t very bright.) “Ooh, me too, me too!” Fan girl #1 said. (She wasn’t very bright either.) Fan girl #3 stood up and said, “Good news ladies! We leave for Mirkwood first thing in the morning!”
Legolas was getting a manicure when a horde of fan girls burst into his room.
They all ran up and started kissing him all over his face. They then tied him to a chair so he wouldn’t run away and started gushing about his archery, and themselves, and his gorgeous hair, and why they should get married. Surprisingly enough, Legolas fell deeply in love with every single fan girl, and married them all.
The End