Chapter 44

"C'mon Tay."  Indeed, Christmas came very early at the Hanson's house.  Mackenzie leaned down very close to his brother's face, "Tay!  You know we can't go down 'til you get up!  C'mon—"  Getting no reaction, he turned to Zoe who stood beside him, her curls in disarray creating a halo effect in the early morning light.  "Zo, keep bugging him 'til he gets up.  I'm gonna make sure Avie got Zac up."

Zoe watched him leave the room then turned her attention to Taylor.  She tossed her Elmo doll up onto his bed, then climbed up herself.  She was wearing aqua coloured genie style pajamas.  On the top was a picture of Jasmine and Raja, her tiger, obvious hand me downs from Avery.  Hand me downs were a way of life for the Hanson children and were in no way frowned upon, though recently, the natural chain had been upset as Zac had not been able to squeeze into some of Taylor's cast offs.  She made her way over to her brother's sleeping form, looking for Sparky as she did so.  Not seeing the little dog, she decided to focus all her attention on Taylor.  She pushed his hair back from his forehead, gazing at his face.  "Tay,"  She said, "Santa was here."

Though he'd known his little brother and sister would be up early, he was still in that place where sleep feels so good, any interruption must be a dream and can be ignored.  He turned his face away from her.  She looked down at his ear and touched the tiny silver ring in it.

"Tay, Santa came."  She whispered in his ear, so close he could feel her warm breath,  "I heared reindeers last night."  Now louder,  "Reindeers was onna roof last night, Tay."   His eyes opened and he slowly brought his face back towards her.  "Reindeers."

He looked at her sweet face. "What?"  He asked.

"Onna roof.  Reindeers."  He reached up and fingered her soft curls and raised his eyebrows.  "I heared Santa's reindeer.  Reindeers gots big feet Tay."  Now, she took his face in her chubby little hands and peered directly into his eyes.  "Biiiiig feet."

He smiled wondering if Rudolph wore about a 13 or so.  It was eerie to him, their eyes were so alike it was like looking at his own reflection.  He took her hands in his and spread them wide.  "This big?" He questioned.

She nodded and her curls bounced causing him to laugh.  "Get up."  She said.

Knowing he was defeated, he sighed and pulled the covers back, flinching as the cool air hit his bare legs.  Mackenzie rushed in and, picking up Taylor's jeans from the floor he threw them to his brother, grabbed the bedraggled Elmo doll and pressed it into his little sister's arms.  "C'mon, they're all up now.  Let's go get Mom and Dad!"

~~~~

Diana had hoped for a late start to the madness that was Christmas morning, but, it wasn't meant to be.  She opened her eyes to see all seven of her children standing there, though some could technically be considered still sleeping.  Both Taylor and Isaac looked to be just a notch above unconscious.  She reached over, shaking her husband.  Begrudgingly, he too got up and headed into the living room to join in the decadent tradition of "seeing what Santa brought".

While Isaac collapsed on one end of the couch with a blanket and a box of Kleenex, Taylor and Sparky grabbed the comfy recliner.  The last thing Taylor remembered before sleep overtook him once more was the sound of Zoe winning the debate over ownership of a brightly coloured Peace the Bear Beanie Baby with one word.  "Mine!!!"

An hour later he was awakened by Zac.  "Hey man, Mom says to get in there and eat.  We're waiting on you cuz we can't open presents 'til we eat."

"I'm not hungry."  Taylor said and closed his eyes again.

Sparky looked at Zac, unflinching.  Not growling like usual, just looking at him.  "Stop looking at me you little shit!"  He snarled at the little dog.  When Zac pushed the foot of the chair in as hard as he could, Taylor was nearly catapulted into the floor.

Now he was awake, Taylor stood up to his full height,  "What the fuck is your problem?!"  He looked down into the dark eyes of his brother.  Sparky had run towards the kitchen.

"Mom said for me to get you, so I'm getting you."  He said and he turned away to join the others.  Just as he was walking through the doorway to the kitchen, Taylor pushed past him causing him to stumble into Isaac who was seated at the table drinking hot tea.

"Zac, watch it!!"  He sputtered.  Looking up, he noticed Zac giving Taylor a death glare as he reached into the cabinet for a glass.

Diana and Walker noticed as well.  "End it."  Walker stated.  "I don't know what's going on with you two, but I want it to end right now."

Taylor turned looking at Zac coldly.  Zac returned the look but stepped around the table to sit next to his mother.  She looked over at him, noticing his eyes looked tired and puffy.  He'd been quiet and clingy all morning, seeming more like four than fourteen.  She reached up and felt his forehead, thinking perhaps he was catching Isaac's cold, but it was cool.  After saying Grace, the entire family dug into the mass of food on the table and in no time, found themselves back in the living room with Jessica handing brightly coloured packages to Avery who would deliver them to the person whose name appeared on the tag.  The stereo was tuned to a station playing nothing but holiday favorites.  Bing Crosby sang about glistening snowflakes and the sound of sleighbells as the sounds of ripping paper and excited voices said, "Thank you" and "it's just what I wanted."

The tension that had been in the air had disappeared  as the magic of Christmas morning worked it's way around the room.  Isaac watched Zac.  He knew his conscience had to be weighing heavily on him and he made a mental note to catch him later and apologize for how he'd reacted to his confession the night before.  He knew it really wasn't his fault that Taylor had been hurt but, it was just so unnecessary.  When Isaac had words with his brothers, he got whatever he had to say out in the open, they dealt with it and it was over.  But, with the other two, it just simmered and bubbled until it finally just boiled over.  They would take little jabs at each other or pull mean little tricks to get back at one another and this one had gone too far.  He looked at Taylor.  He was smiling as he helped Mackenzie figure out a particularly difficult Transformer, turning it from a Tyrannosaurus Rex into a large robot.  As always, his father was videotaping the whole scene.  On the radio, Bruce Springsteen began to sing "Merry Christmas Baby."

"Geez, Taylor sings that so much better..."  Jessica said not looking up from the beads she was stringing to make a bracelet.  Catching herself, she shut her eyes for a moment afraid she'd ruined Christmas morning.

When she opened them again she looked at Taylor, expecting to see hurt in his eyes but instead, he smiled and signed, "you B-E-T-T-E-R not let the B-O-S-S hear you say that."

She laughed a little, then sat down her work and climbed up in the chair with him.  She put her arms around his neck and said, "why not?  It's the truth."

"Thanks Jess."  He mouthed.

"No problem."  She said shyly.  "Thank YOU!!!"  She brightened, "$50 at Rave Girl!!  Yes!!"

"Yeah Taylor, thanks."  Diana muttered.  It was no secret their mother didn't care for the fashions there, but Jessica always pleaded to go there anyway.  Taylor smiled at her with a mischievous gleam in his eye and she had to smile back.  "Just for that, you are going with me to the store for ice, since SOMEBODY never got around to fixing the ice maker."  She said and looked over at Walker, who smiled back looking rather guilty.

~~~~

As they drove past the Gutman's house, Diana saw Taylor's eyes look towards it intently.  "I really like Marcy."  She said to him.  He nodded and she smiled as she watched the blush on his cheeks tell more than his words could have.  "I guess you like her too, huh? Are things going ok now?"

She looked over at him and again, he nodded.  She was suddenly struck again with the realization that unless she were looking at him, she couldn't really hold a conversation with her son any longer.  He had become a mystery to her, she'd always been proud of the fact that he'd come to her for advice or to tell her about his feelings and now it seemed she had to figure it out for herself or stay unknowing.  To her right was the high school and she quickly pulled into the empty parking lot and parked the car, turning off the radio.  He looked at her, questioning.

"We need to talk."  She said turning towards him.  She looked at him noticing his shaggy blond hair was in need of a trim and his clothes looked like he'd slept in them.  He looked back at her wondering what was coming.  "Taylor, I love you so much, you'll never know until you have your own children, how much they can mean to you.  So, it kills me to see you going through all this and, if I could, I would take it all away.  But I can't, so, I've gone easy on you lately thinking you needed to find a way to live... differently."

She stopped for a moment.  She hadn't really meant to have this talk right now, so she was unprepared for the emotions that were swirling around her mind.  He was frozen watching her, not knowing where she was going with this.  She took a deep breath and began again.  "I got a phone call a few nights ago from Shelley's mother.  Zac invited her to spend New Year's Eve with him and she wanted me to know why she wasn't letting her."  He furrowed his eyebrows.  "It seems she got a call as well from someone telling her she shouldn't let her daughter spend time with you guys because you've been involved in some things you shouldn't be.  Is it true?"

Though he didn't say anything, his eyes gave him away.

She sighed.  "I saw you last night.  Where did you go?"

He signed, "to see a friend."

She paused a moment before saying, "A friend.  Like, a girlfriend, boyfriend, dealer, what?"  She hadn't wanted to get upset, but the thought that those rumours might be true and in light of all she'd found out in the last few days, it was all too much.  He didn't reply.  Now the tears fell, "oh Taylor, please don't throw your life away.  And don't underestimate yourself!  You were a great singer, you were..."  she paused, "...but you are still an incredible songwriter and bandmate to your brothers,  Don't let them down, they had a dream too.  I know you haven't been watching, but you still have so many fans out there and you are still on a record label.  You haven't been dropped and Chris says, when this trial is over, he wants you all to figure out your next move, not your departure."

He was looking away from her now, ashamed.  She reached over and pulled his face back towards her.  She sniffed and said, "Now.  I didn't tell your father any of this and I don't want to.  I know he'd freak out and I don't blame him.  Tell me the truth, are you doing drugs?"

He looked at her eyes, "not anymore."  He said.

"Speak up."

He signed, "N-O-T A-N-Y-M-O-R-E."

"But you were."  He nodded.  She just looked at him for a moment.  "I need to know that you are not going to do anymore.  You're not that stupid, I know it.  And, your brothers and sisters look up to you and you doing that is unacceptable.  Do you understand me?"  He nodded again.  "Not only do you know better, but if the press finds out about this, we are in deep shit."  She said.  "Until all this craziness with the trial and the press and stuff blows over, you better not do anything you don't want to be reading on the front page tomorrow."  Again, he nodded.  "Taylor, say something.  I studied all that signing so that we could talk."

"Im S-O-R-R-Y."  He signed, "I just felt so bad.  I did not know what to do with M-Y-S-E-L-F."

"Are you better now?  You got an awful load off your chest the other night.  I wish you'd told me sooner, baby."

He answered, "I just C-O-U-L-D-N-T.   It was so A-W-F-U-L." 

She reached over and hugged him.  "I'm still letting you guys have that party, but I better not see one thing out of line, you got that?"  He nodded.  "Zac's gonna be upset Shelly can't come."  She leaned back, "I am SO pissed at you, you should know better.  Especially after what you've been through."  She put the car in gear, "We better go, they'll be wondering where we are."  She looked over at him, "But, you are still mine for a year and a half and you better behave.  And, you are gonna start getting your school work done, and I want you to take some signing classes at Shelly's school, that is, if they'll let you in the door.  You KNOW if I found out about you, the whole town knows..."

~~~~

By the time they got home Taylor was exhausted.  Not only had his mother guilted him, once that was out of her system, she'd read him the riot act.  Plus, three girls had surrounded him in the dairy section of the 7-Eleven.  Not the quiet type of fan, but the "Oh My God, Oh My God!!!"  type.  He'd gotten away with signing some autographs and a hug or two and he'd felt lucky they'd had so much to say.  He wondered if they even knew he couldn't talk now.

Diana hadn't come to his rescue, but, once in the car had merely said, "See?  I told you."

He'd walked in the door, taken two bags of ice to the basement, then come back up, flopping belly first onto the couch.

"What's wrong?"  Walker asked.  "Nothing, he just got accosted by some fans."  Taylor didn't move, but thought to himself what a cool liar his mother was.

~~~~

Isaac had showered, drugged himself with as much cold medicine as he could safely get away with and gotten himself ready to go spend the afternoon at Lee's.  The house was fairly quiet, everyone having gone to their respective spaces to go through their Christmas loot.  His parents were in the kitchen planning dinner.  The sound of Phil Collins singing pulled him to the living room.  There on the couch Taylor lay on his stomach, dead to the world.  Perched up on his butt, Zoe sat in her usual manner, her head back on the couch drinking something red from a sippee cup.  On her lap was her new babydoll, blonde and blue eyed, but not far away, Elmo lay, staring up at the ceiling.  Her eyes were glued to the TV screen where Disney's Tarzan video was playing.  Santa always brought the newest releases.  With her free hand, she stroked Taylor's hair as if he were some giant housecat, no doubt, putting him in an even deeper sleep than he would have been.  Sparky lay underneath the now empty Christmas tree, far enough to be out of reach of his nemesis, but close enough to keep his eye on Taylor.  Completing the odd scene was Zac, in the chair by the door, not watching the movie, not playing any of the new video games he'd received that morning, but staring at his brother on the couch, his eyes glazed over.  Isaac walked over to the door, opened it and gazed out into the cold winter afternoon.  The after-Christmas lull had set in.  He turned to his brother.  "You ok?"

Zac looked up at him, "Yeah."

"You don't look too good.  Are you sure?"

Zac looked back at Taylor, "What do you want me to say, Ike?  I feel like shit.  Is that better?"

"Well, at least it's truthful.  What's up with sleeping beauty?"  Isaac watched as Zoe's eyes drooped and her cup tipped from her hand to drip on Taylor's back.

Zac got up and put the cup on the coffee table, then lay his little sister down next to Taylor, pulling the soft old throw from the back of the couch to cover them both.  He walked back toward Isaac, "He was just getting in about 3:30 this morning...."

Isaac's eyes widened, "What?!!  Dammit, I thought that was all in the past!  I'm gonna wring his fricken' neck..."

"Ike,"  Zac interrupted, "he had Sparky and stuff, I think he was just takin' a walk, man."

Isaac's dark eyes took in both his brothers,  "Whatever, I'm goin' to Lee's.  You two deserve each other."  His plan to apologize to Zac had just flown out the window.
 
 
 

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