Chapter 19

Walker and Diana called Zac and Isaac into the kitchen.  Walker began.  "Guys, we talked to Chris today and we've cancelled all appearances.  He's talking with the label now and he's gonna get back with me.  We have to make some kind of statement.  At the very least, the fans and the media know he was in the hospital.  It won't be long 'til they know about the kidnapping..."

He was interrupted by Taylor walking in.  He went to the cabinet and got a glass and filled it with water, then turned around to see everyone watching him.  "What?"  He felt uncomfortable suddenly.

His father spoke.  "Sit down Tay.  We have to decide some things."  He walked over and sat in the empty seat between Zac and his mother.  "We have to tell the media something..."  Taylor rolled his eyes and sat back in the chair.  "I know it sucks Tay, but you're news and the longer we wait, the more rumours are gonna start and that could be worse than the truth."

Taylor reached in his pocket for paper, Diana handed him a pen.  Dad, nothing could be worse than the truth,he wrote.

Walker was reminded that, indeed, none of them knew what really happened and how it all went down.  No one but Taylor and the people who had taken him.  "Do you want to tell us the truth Taylor?  What happened?  What was this all about?  They never asked for money or even contacted us!  Are there things we're going to need to know?  'Cause this could get very nasty and we'd better be prepared!"

Taylor's eyes never left his father's.  Walker now felt bad for asking, but he felt that as a parent, he had a right and a need to know.  Taylor started to write.  Zac, Isaac and Diana all looked at each other, this had taken an unexpected turn.  Taylor finished writing, threw the pad on the table and stood up causing the chair to hit the wall behind him.   He left the room and went upstairs skipping half the steps.  On the pad he had written:  Tell them some maniac kidnapped me and ripped out my vocal chords and gave them back to me in a jar.  Tell them it was a botched tonsillectomy.  Tell them the tooth fairy made a terrible mistake.  I don't give a crap.

So ended the discussion.

~~~~

Alone in his room Taylor sat on his bed contemplating his life or what was left of it.  He was a singer with no voice, a songwriter who could no longer sing songs.  How would he rid himself of those melodies that sometimes haunted his brain?  People said Mmmbop got stuck in their head.  Try having five or ten Mmmbops rattling around in there.  He looked up at the mirror on the back of the door.  He had two black eyes.  Well, not really black, sort of grayish, like when his mom went to bed with makeup on.  "Raccoon eyes,"  they called it.  He raised his shirt up to inspect his side.  It had been a furious black and blue and purple.  Now, the edges were fading to that yukky greenish yellowish.  His wrists were a mess.

He sighed and lay back down on the bed.  His thoughts drifted back to Sarah.  She had been engaged to Tom when he had been with her.  Had Tom been a nice guy then?  It seemed he would have been content to marry her and help her raise a child which didn't belong to him, the product of a one night stand and a painful reminder that she had given her most precious gift, not to him, but to a kid who she loved from afar and he'd taken it!  In that one moment, he'd changed the lives of not only himself and Sarah, but everyone who loved them both.  If only he could take it back he would, but that was not possible.

He wondered what would have happened if he'd let her tell him she was pregnant.  Would he have run from her as fast and as far as he could have?  Would he have asked her to marry him?  And would she even have wanted to?  He was only sixteen, but what was one more baby around here?  He knew his parents would have been disappointed in him, but he also knew they would have welcomed the child with open arms, for a moment he pictured it in his mind and a smile crept on his face, but then reality came crashing back and he felt the guilt and sorrow return.

The sound of his door opening interrupted his thoughts.  His father came in the room and said, "Tay, I want to apologize.  I shouldn't have said those things to you."  As much as he hated it, Taylor felt tears well up in his eyes.  His father came over and sat on the bed.  "I love you so much and I'm so sorry that you have to go through anything like this.  Someday, you'll understand how awful it is to have kids and find out you couldn't protect them from everything.  The little things are bad enough, I pray you won't ever have to deal with something like this with your own children."

He put his arm around his son's shoulder and Taylor hugged him around the neck like he'd done as a small child and he snuffled like he had then as well.  All the cross words were forgotten as father and son shared a rare display of emotion.  When the moment was over, Taylor went to sleep and Walker went back to doing the things that fathers always do.

~~~~

A little while later, Taylor was awakened from a particularly vivid dream in which he was trying to play piano, but couldn't because his hands were tied behind his back, by a knock on his door.  Zac cautiously stuck his head in the door and looked at his brother.  "You ok?" Taylor nodded.  "Can I come in?"

He waved him in and he came and sat on the floor in front of Taylor.  For a moment they just looked at one another.  Zac knew it was insane, but he thought his brother, at sixteen years of age, looked old.

"Tay" he said, "you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but...  I saw the way that guy looked at you, and when they took you,  I was so scared.  I knew I'd never see you alive again.  I knew it.  In fact, I was pretty sure he was gonna kill me just to get at you.  So, I gotta ask...  Who were they and why did they do what they did?"

Taylor turned away from him and looked out the window.  It was one of those perfect fall days where the sunlight is just different than any other season.  The sun was almost going down and people were rushing to finish raking their yards and trimming back the mums.  Soon it would be cold.  Zac figured he wasn't going to tell him anything, he got up to leave then he felt Taylor's hand on his arm.  He pulled him over to the computer and Zac wasn't sure what he was doing. then he began to type.  I'm not going to write this down and I don't want you to tell anyone.  Ever.  But you deserve to know.  Someday, maybe I'll tell everyone, or who knows, maybe some reporter will figure it all out and tell it for me, but til then, if you tell anyone, I'll swear you are lying.  He turned and looked up at Zac who nodded.  You remember the girl at the hotel in New York?  When I got grounded?

Zac said "Yeah."

That guy was her fiancée.

Zac's eyes got huge and he whispered "Damn, Tay!  That's a stiff penalty for a one night stand.  How did he know about it?"

Taylor hesitated.  He looked up at Zac and said, "there's more."  Zac looked at his brother thinking maybe he shouldn't have asked.  Taylor turned back to the keyboard and took a deep breath and let it out.  She was pregnant.

"You had sex with a pregnant woman?!!"

Taylor shot up and put his hand over his brother's mouth.  He was talking too fast for Zac to read his lips but he got the idea.  Taylor watched his brother's eyes as it dawned on him.  He took his hand away.

"Tay....  you mean?"  He nodded.  "Oh my God...  What're you gonna do?"

Taylor looked out the window again and sighed.  Then he began to type again, I don't have to do anything Zac. They're gone now.

"What do you mean 'gone?'  Where did they go?"  Taylor looked at Zac and drew his finger across his throat.  Zac gasped.  "Did he kill her?!"

He shook his head.  She killed herself.  Zac just looked at him, he didn't know what to say.  Taylor rubbed his eyes and typed,  It was a boy Zac.  He then cleared the screen and turned back to the window.

Zac closed his eyes and pictured Taylor with a baby.  He sighed.  "Did you tell Ike?"

He spun around "NO!  And you won't either!"  He mouthed and used his hand for emphasis.

"Why not?"

Taylor looked at him like he was nuts for a moment, then it turned to a look of shame.  "He would be disappointed."

"Did you say 'disappointed?'"  He looked at Taylor but he wouldn't look back.  "Taylor, you are the victim here.  She had choices and she made them, you never got that chance..."  He hesitated searching for the right words.  He had a feeling this could be the only time they would talk about this.  "Look, I didn't meet her, or see her, or even know her name, but I knew she meant something to you and so did Ike.  I know you never would have hurt her on purpose..."

Taylor cut him off with a desperate look  "But I did!"

"How?"

He went back to the computer. I wrote her a nasty e-mail after she wrote me to say she needed to talk to me.  I hadn't heard from her in four months and I was so mad.

"You didn't know about the baby?"  Taylor shook his head.  "Taylor, none of this is your fault, can't you see that.  That guy took his anger with her out on you and he had no right to do that!"

Taylor typed.  He said he wanted to keep me from doing it to anyone else.  At first I thought he was going to castrate me.

"Ha ha.  That is not even funny."

I'm serious Zac.  He said I wouldn't be making any more babies, then he went to fan pages and he found some list that they'd voted on the 16 best or favorite things, he said my fans would decide my fate, and #1 was my voice.  I kind of wish it had been my dick because at least then no one would have to know.

"You'd sure know it, though."

Taylor almost smiled.  They were interrupted by a knock on the door.  Taylor cleared the screen and said, "come in," but nothing came out.  He rolled his eyes and looked at Zac who yelled, "come in!"

It was Isaac.  "Hey man, I just got back from the drug store.  Mom says take one of these now  and again before bedtime."

"What is it?"

"Penicillin or something."

Taylor just shook his head.  Whatever, like it really matters, he thought.  He sat the bottle on the desk.

"Now."  Ike said.  "That's all you need is to get some nasty infection and they take you in and stick some more needles here and there."  He left and came back with a cup of water.  "Here."  Taylor took the glass and set it down, then attempted to open the bottle.

"Ike, go get Mackie."  Zac said.

"What for?"

"So he can open the bottle for Tay."  Immediately, Zac was struck in the chest with the hateful prescription. "Whoa!  Sorry, I was just kidding."  Zac opened the bottle and handed it to Taylor who was silently cursing.  He took one of the pink and blue capsules, swallowed it, then handed the water back to Isaac.

"How you feeling?"  he asked.  Taylor shrugged.  "Oh!  I almost forgot..."  He reached in the bag he was carrying and handed Taylor a small tub of very expensive, very dark chocolate ice cream.  Taylor's face lit up and his mouth formed a genuine smile, with teeth and everything.  If the ice cream had been a hundred dollars an ounce, Isaac would have gladly paid it to see his brother's smile again.

"Hey, where's mine?"  Zac exclaimed.

"You have to get your own."

"You seem to forget the mental anguish I endured when I got locked in the dumpster!"

"I haven't forgotten Zac, I can still smell it."  His look of indignation cracked up both his brothers and Ike said,  "c'mon, there's more, I just didn't know you'd be up here.  You comin' Tay?"

And so, the three brothers went down to the kitchen to get spoons and drown themselves in chocolate.
 
 
 

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