Installment Eight

Taylor left for his doctor’s appointment with mom and dad around eight-thirty the next morning.  I was a little anxious, so much that I even skipped school to make sure he was ok when he came home.  Zac didn’t have any classes that morning, so when he saw that I had stayed home from school I had to think of a decent explanation.

“I just didn’t feel like going today,” I said shrugging.  Nice excuse, eh?

“That’s a real good reason.  You can’t just not go to school because you don’t feel like it.” He said, flopping backwards on the couch and putting his feet across my lap.

“Uck, Zac!  Get your nasty feet off me!” I tried pushing his feet off but they weren’t budging.  “I can miss school whenever I want – mom can teach me.”

“You don’t like my perfume?” He said, waving his toes right in my face.  “And mom can’t teach you the same way your teacher does.”

“No I don’t.  You’re gross.” I said, scrunching my nose.  “And you’re right, she can’t; she can teach me better.”

“Just one little whiff…” He stuck his socked foot right in my mouth, and then burst out laughing.

“Zac!  You’re so disgusting!  God, how did you ever get a girlfriend?” I pushed him hard and he rolled onto the floor, still laughing.

“Man that was awesome!” He was cracking up.  I rolled my eyes, wiping at my mouth somewhat frantically, seeing as the thought of his foot in my mouth was less than appealing.  He held onto his sides, laughing so hard I thought he was going to pee himself.

“It wasn’t that funny, Zachary.” I threw a couch pillow at him, hitting him squarely in the head.  “You loser.”

He seemed to regain control of himself, and propped himself up on his elbows.  “Hey, where did mom and dad go this morning with Taylor?”

“Doctor’s.” I answered and immediately regretted it.  Now I was going to have to try to explain.

“Why didn’t he just drive himself?” I shrugged at his question.  “Well do you know why he went?”

“Nope,” I answered, staring intently out the window.  “Maybe he has the flu or something and didn’t want to drive because he was afraid he might throw-up all over himself in the meantime.”

“That’s… kind of gross, but I see your point.” He tickled the bottom of my foot, and I quickly pulled my leg up and tucked my foot under myself.  I had begun to wonder again how Taylor was making out, and what was taking so long.  Was the doctor going to tell him that he was going to be ok?  A little more chemo and he’ll be cancer free?  Maybe that the chemo was working just fine?  Something that would let them know he was all right or at least going to be all right.  Suddenly all I wanted terribly was for him to come home and tell me that he was healthy.  It would have been a huge blessing, but I had a feeling that wasn’t what I was going to hear when he came home.

“Hello?  Earth to Avery?” I looked at Zac, just aware that he was speaking.  “You were a million miles away, Ave.  What’s up?” I shook my head thoughtfully.

“Nothing,” I lied.  I wanted to tell him so badly; I wanted to confide in him, wanted him to reassure me and tell me that Taylor was a fighter, that Taylor was strong, that Taylor would beat this.  But it wasn’t my place to tell him if Taylor didn’t want that; I had to respect his wishes.

The phone interrupted any further train of thought that I might have had and I bounced up.  “I’ll get it.” I quickly picked up the phone and answered, and thank God it was mom.

“Baby, we’re on our way home now.  Tay isn’t feeling well, so make sure Mac and Zoë are quiet, okay?”

“Okay,” I answered.  “So how did everything go?” I asked, trying to keep my voice down so Zac wouldn’t hear me.

“We’ll talk when we get home, okay?” I didn’t like the sound of that…

“Okay…” I waited for her to say goodbye and then hung up as well.

“So, did everything go ok?” Zac repeated my question to me, eyebrows raised.

“I guess,” I lied, shrugging.  “But Tay doesn’t feel too good so mom said to make sure Mac and Zoë keep the noise down.” I could tell that Zac knew there was more to it than that, and I was grateful that he didn’t ask me any questions.

I think it must have been obvious that I needed to get out for a while.  When Jessica got home, a little while after mom, dad, and Taylor, she suggested we go dress shopping.  She offered for mom to come, but I couldn’t blame her when she passed and wanted to stay home.  Of course, I was the only one who knew why.

“So what colour are you looking for?” She asked me, as we stepped out of the car and headed toward the Sears mall entrance.

“I’m not sure; I’m pale so I can’t get anything too dark.”

“True,” she said nodding.  “Well, what did you have in mind?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” I answered.  “What do you think I would look good in?”

“Not white,” she said, shaking her head and then looking at me.  “Maybe a pale blue.”

“Hmm, maybe.” I looked at a couple of clothes racks as we passed by them, heading for the formal dresses.  “I was thinking even lavender, maybe.  Or red.”

“No red,” she said.  “It wouldn’t like right on you.  Maybe crimson, or wine coloured.”

“Whatever you think looks good,” I said, shrugging, my mind on my brother rather than there where it was supposed to be.

“No,” she laughed a little, “it’s whatever you want.”

"Sorry, Jess,” I said, shaking my head a little.  “I just have some things on my mind.”

"I can tell,” she said quietly.  “Wanna talk about it?” I shook my head; I couldn’t talk about it even if I wanted to.

“I can’t tell you,” I said regretfully.  “I’m sorry, Jess.”

“Don’t be.  There are some things people can’t share with other people.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, believe me I do, but I can’t.  It’s someone else’s business and it’s not my place to tell his business.”

“Understandable.” She looked at me and smiled a little, “And admirable.” I smiled in return and stopped in front of a light purple dress.

“This one’s pretty.” I smiled at her.

“Well let’s try it on.” She grinned back and pulled it off the rack, and we went in search of a dressing room.

“I still like the black and white one,” Jessica said from outside the dressing room.  We had been searching for almost two hours for the perfect dress – granted I didn’t have to find it that day, but it would make things a whole lot easier.

“You mean the black one with the white on top?” I asked in return, as I tried to get the halter buttoned of a light purple dress.

“Yeah.”

“Well, if this one doesn’t look good, then I agree.  I’ve been thinking about that one – I really like it.”

“Well, let me see this one.” She said as I finally got it buttoned and looked in the mirror.  I didn’t really like it – I liked the black and white one a lot too.  It was long down to my toes, with crinoline beneath it, and the top was strapless with something like a collar that was white – except it wasn’t really a collar because it didn’t go around my neck but around my chest.  I stepped out of the dressing room.

“What do you think?” I asked, shrugging.

“Eh…” she shook her head.  “I don’t really like it.”

“Me neither,” I replied, starting back in.  “Go get the black and white one for me in a three?”

“Sure.  I don’t know if the numbers run even or odd, if they don’t have a three do you want a two or a four?”

“Four.” I answered, pulling the button behind my neck undone.

“Okay; be right back.” I heard her walk away and starting undressing to redress in my own clothes.  The dressing room wasn’t dirty, just kind of faded and dingy.  The rug was obviously well trodden, and the cream coloured paint on the walls was chipping.  The mirror hooks had somewhat discoloured, and part of the metal lock had rusted.  The store had been in the process of being renovated for about a month now, and I guess they must not have gotten around to the dressing rooms yet.  It kind of reminded me of the paint on the back of my door – it was chipping a little.  Mom and dad said I could repaint it – I wanted to paint it this really light grey, and put a sun and moon border up in black to go with my black cast iron bed frame.  As a matter of fact, mom and dad said I could help them repaint a bunch of rooms in the house, Taylor’s included.  But with him being so sick it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to breath in all the paint fumes.  So either we weren’t going to paint that room, or move him to a different one while we did paint.

“I got it,” I heard Jessica say.  I realized while I had been daydreaming I was still standing in my panties.

“Okay,” I replied.  “I’ll be out in just sec.” I quickly pulled on my shirt and pants, and slipped into my shoes, picking up my purse from the floor.  I unlocked the stall door and came out, leaving four or five dresses hanging on the old-looking hooks in the stall.  “I didn’t bring much money; I don’t have enough to pay for that.  Will they hold it over for me?”

Jess smiled and shook her head.  “Mom and dad gave me a credit card to buy dresses and shoes.  Purses and all that jazz we have to take care of on our own.”

“Hey, no complaints here.  Besides, the sooner we pay for this the better.  I wanna get home and check on T – “ I stopped myself before I finished.  “Never mind,” I mumbled.  She looked at me oddly, her head tilted to one side.  And then I followed her to the shoe section to pick those out and then to the cash register.

When we got back Ike’s truck was in the driveway – one of two vehicles that he owned – and I was a little excited.  I loved it when Ike came over.  Jessie and I quickly got our things and hurried into the house, but the excitement was broken when we saw everyone sitting solemnly on the couch, and loveseat, and recliner – Mac and Zoë sitting on the floor facing the rest of them.

“What’s going on?” Jessie asked before I had the chance to.  I looked to the couch and Taylor was sitting between mom and dad, mom’s arm around his shoulders, his knees pulled up, and his head on her shoulder.

“We all need to talk, sweetheart,” dad said softly.  I had a feeling I knew what this was about, and if this was what I thought it was, then things must have not turned out well at the doctor’s if he was going to announce it to the family.

“Come and sit down,” mom said softly.  I looked to one end of the couch; Zac and Rachel were sitting close together, and Jess went and sat at the other end.  I looked to Ike, who was sitting on the recliner.  I went over and sat on the arm of it, but he tugged me over, and I sat down on his knee.

“Don’t worry,” he said quietly.  “You won’t hurt me; you don’t even weigh anything.” I smiled a little, and was thankful for the reassuring hand he placed on my knee, mine and Jessica’s dresses lying draped over the coffee table.

“I know all of you know that Tay has been sick since he came home,” mom started quietly.  Taylor had his eyes closed, mom gently rubbing his arm, and dad’s hand gently squeezing one of his knees.  “Well, um, this is…  It’s a lot different from having the flu or something that you can just take medicine and get rid of.”

“Oh God,” Zac said quietly.  He ended up having the same thought I did.  “Please don’t even say it’s AIDS…”

“No,” dad said quietly.  We all heard Zac sigh.

“It doesn’t matter,” Taylor said quietly – we almost couldn’t hear him.  “You die from that too.”

“Taylor…” mom said slightly scoldingly, closing her eyes for a moment.

“Be honest with them,” he said quietly.  He sat up a little, opening his eyes.  “Guys…” he looked at all of us apologetically, and then right at me.  “The only other person who knows what I’m going to tell you is Avie.” They all looked at me.  “I wanted to tell you all, I just… I didn’t know how to do it.” He looked at dad for a long moment.  “I can’t do this…” he whispered.

“Guys,” dad said softly.  “Your brother is really sick.”

“How?” Ike asked quietly.  “What is it?”

“It’s a rare form of acute leukemia,” mom said quietly.  Everyone went dead silent.  My heart was pounding and I already knew this, so I couldn’t imagine how the rest of my siblings felt.

“What’s that?” Zoë asked quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“Remember how mommy taught you about cancer?” Dad asked and she nodded, what they were saying seemingly dawning on her.  “It’s a type of cancer.”

“But… cancer makes you die…” she said quietly; I knew it wouldn’t be long before she started crying.

“Sometimes,” mom said quietly.  “But, you see, Taylor’s doctor has been giving him treatment; it’s medicine to help fight the cancer.”

“But it makes me really sick,” Taylor added quietly.  “And it makes me lose my hair.” He wouldn’t look at any of us when he said that, and I got up, went to him and just wrapped my arms around him.  He put his head down on my shoulder and just stayed there for a while.

“Taylor…” Isaac said quietly, gently shaking his head.  “I wish I had known…” He got up, and I moved, and he took his turn hugging Taylor.  Zoë had started crying, and it was more than touching to see Mackenzie comforting her.  I think it was more than a little emotional for all of us at that moment.  Now everyone knew, and I was just praying for Taylor’s sake they all took it well.

“You guys have to understand,” dad said, loud enough to make us all look, including Taylor.  “The treatment Taylor’s getting makes it very easy for him to get sick, and it would be very bad if he got sick right now; so if any of you have even a runny nose, or a sore throat, or even feel a little bit sick, you can’t be around him.  Okay?” We all nodded.  “You need to wash your hands any time you plan on touching him or being around him – “

“Dad,” Taylor interrupted quietly.  “They don’t have the plague.  A little germs on their hands won’t hurt me.”

“Taylor…” he protested.

“Just trust me, okay?”

Dad looked over at mom, and then back at Taylor.  “Okay,” he said quietly.  “The next week or so Taylor needs to rest, a lot, because he needs to recover from the treatment.  So just… don’t be too loud.”

“I can sleep through noise.” He said, smiling a little, making us all do the same.  “I grew up with all of these monsters.” It seemed to ease the thick tension to hear Taylor making a joke.  So now the whole family knew, along with Rachel – but I guess we considered her family anyway.

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