Chapter 12 - So, guys really get off on this stuff?

Abby

I slammed the front door loudly behind me, growling and fuming the entire time. Two little blond children looked up at me frightened, so I smiled softly before heading to Taylor’s room. He was so exasperating sometimes! One minute he’s funny and friendly and the next he makes some arrogant comment.

Maybe I’m being over-dramatic. I might be. I do that from time to time.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that Taylor may be bipolar. It’s the only excuse that makes sense for his tremendous mood swings. Although, maybe none of this was really Taylor’s fault at all. Perhaps this was a side effect of being forced inside a girl’s body? Maybe he’s being bipolar because he’s actually becoming a girl?

So… would that mean that eventually I’d become more and more guy-like? What if I lose every once of femininity I now possess? What if I wake up one morning a belching, farting, bundle of obnoxious testosterone? Okay, I will not panic.

Zac eyed me suspiciously as I rushed into the room like a crazy person, crawled into Taylor’s bed, pulled the covers over my head, and started crying. Much to my dismay, I felt the covers being jerked off of my sad, pathetic face. I looked up as Zac’s face fell.

“Abby, are you okay?” He asked, softly. He sat down beside me and rubbed my arm sweetly. I quickly wiped my telltale tears off my face and smiled weakly at him.

“I’m sorry, Zac,” I said, sniffing. Zac grabbed me a Kleenex and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully and blew my nose roughly. “I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. It’s just... I don’t know... It’s really stupid.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” he commented, handing me another Kleenex after noticing that I already needed a new one.

I gave him a pathetic look but the determination on his face told me that he was not budging off this bed until I cracked. So, I spilled.

“Taylor and I were actually getting along today, shock of all shocks, and suddenly he just turned asshole. Like, in three seconds flat.” I stopped and wiped my nose once more, handing Zac my snot-filled tissues. He made a face and chucked them into the garbage. “And, although that upsets me and God only knows why, that’s not exactly why I’m so upset. I’m afraid he’s...well... slowly evolving into a girl.”

I could tell Zac was fighting laughter. I definitely wanted to slap him until his face fell off his neck.

“ZAC! I’m being serious!” I yelped, hitting him upside the head.

“OW!”

“Oh, you big baby, that didn’t hurt!” I insisted, rolling my eyes. “But seriously, I really am worried that we’re slowly evolving into our gender roles. Have you noticed that I’m being more guy-like?”

He shook his head at me and got off the bottom bunk. “You’re a strange girl, Abby Deluca.”

“So, you never noticed anything? Anything at all?” I thought for a moment. “Have I ever scratched my balls? Or belched in public? Have I whistled at a pretty girl walking down the street?”

Zac sighed. “Honestly, wouldn’t you know better than me? I don’t spend my days watching you for some sort of outlandish male behavior.”

I scowled and fingered Taylor’s comforter. “Surely there must be something that can tell me if I’m becoming more guy-like!”

“I’m sure you’re not,” Zac insisted, searching the room for the candy bar he’d hidden from the younger kids. Whenever he bought himself something sweet to eat, the younger kids always had a tendency to snoop and snatch it up. Therefore, Zac got the ingenious idea that if he stuffed the candy bars into his underwear drawer, the little tykes would not find the goodies. Hell, Lord knows I wouldn’t touch anything that came from that festering pit.

“But how can I know?”

Zac bit into his Nestles Crunch. “Have you ever jerked off?”

I turned ghastly white. “Ew... ugh... NO! GROSS! Are you kidding me?”

Zac grinned and patted me on the head. “Good. Than you are not becoming a guy.”

I continued to glare at him. “That is so disgusting. I cannot believe you just asked me that! Have you ever SEEN me go to the bathroom? I use half the toilet paper in the bathroom just so I never come into direct skin-to-skin contact!” Zac rolled his eyes at me. “Okay, maybe you haven’t seen me take a piss but you have to understand that I take no joy in the act whatsoever.”

“Then why are you getting so worked up?” Zac asked, a small smile gracing his face. I could tell he was hardly listening to me because the smile was so obviously directed towards the candy bar being shoved into his mouth. “I think you should get yourself some Valium and do us all a favor.” Without so much as a glance in my direction, he left the room casually.

Valium? Valium! How would he know what I’m going through? In fact, how would anyone, other than Taylor of course, know what kind of hell I’m going through? How would Zac like it if he were suddenly trapped in some unknown girl’s body? I still have no idea how this switcheroo happened and I have no idea what kind of side effects it might bring along.

All I know is that I am tired of being someone I’m not. I’m tired of being terrified every moment that I will never get out of my flesh prison or that I’m going to be completely jaded because of it. I’m tired of being misunderstood and I’m really fucking tired of feeling so alone.

I crept into the den and found Zac resting comfortably on the couch. He looked over, hearing a noise, and I could see him hold in a groan of exasperation. I tried my best to ignore his displeasure at my company and sat down beside him.

“No homework tonight?” I asked, making aimless conversation.

He sighed. “Nope.”

I nodded and stared at the flashing television screen. “After dinner do you want to hang out? Watch a movie or something?”

“I don’t know, Abby...”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” I insisted, weakly. I hated to be so alienated from Zac, since he was the only one who knew who I really was in this family. And, depressing as it sounds, he was the closest friend I had at the moment. I don’t know if it was my dramatics tonight or a snowballed effect of everything I’ve ever done that was bothering him. Whatever was pissing him off so badly made me feel completely awful about myself and I was going to try damn hard to resolve some of our issues.

He shrugged, none too pleased to be spending more time that necessary with me but too polite to refuse me outright. I supposed I would simply just accept that, since I was sort of digging myself out of a hole anyway.

Grinning, I gave him a pat on the knee before springing to my feet. “Great! I’ll pick the movie!”

***

I don’t know why, but dinnertime is always the time I dread most at the Hanson household. I think it might have to do with the way everyone piles in for dinner and then shares what happened in their day. I’m a very private person and I feel like I’m forced to open myself up to complete strangers and talk to them like I would a close friend. I hate it.

What I did love, on the other hand, was Mrs. Hanson’s cooking. My mother was an excellent cook, don’t get me wrong, but Mrs. Hanson was simply superb. Tonight she’d made homemade macaroni and cheese with chunks of ham in it. It was FABULOUS!

“So, what did everyone do today?” Mr. Hanson asked, causing me to cringe in my seat. I was hoping they’d forget this part for today.

“I showed my passport for show and tell!” Mack exclaimed, his mouth stuffed with macaroni and cheese.

“That’s excellent!” Walker exclaimed, grinning. “Now, swallow before you choke. Did your classmates think it was neat?”

“Yeah, they thought it was really cool that I traveled all over the world!” Mack continued, doing what he was told first. He then proceeded to wipe his mouth with a napkin. I was incredibly impressed at that small action. “My friend Tricia told me that her older sister has a crush on Taylor!”

I burst out laughing. Taylor? Like he was even attractive! Shows how stupid some girls are when it comes to boys… I quieted myself quickly when I noticed the skeptical glares I was getting... and the amused one from Zac. Okay... maybe he didn’t hate me that much?

“So, how was your day, Taylor?” Taylor’s mother asked, looking directly at me. She smiled and daintily ate some of her macaroni. Great, this was the part of the night I absolutely dreaded. I felt as though I was on a stage and that I was forced to recite poetry naked… or something like that. And, I had the most horrible stage fright.

“Me?” I asked, meekly.

“No, the other Taylor Hanson.”

Whew. I guess technically I’m off the hook.

“Um, well, I had that after school decorating thingy that lasted forever,” I mumbled, pushing my food around my plate with my fork. Did everyone have to gawk at me like that?

“Oh?” Mrs. Hanson asked, inquisitively. “Is that some kind of club?”

“Kind of.”

She looked at me for a moment, as if she expected me to elaborate. I felt like a colossal let down, like always, but I just couldn’t think of anything else to say. I didn’t share my feelings with others too much, it made me incredibly uncomfortable and vulnerable feeling. I just wanted to get back to the wonderful macaroni waiting impatiently on my plate...

“Well, I hope you’re having fun with it,” she commented, sadly, turning her attention to Isaac. “How were your classes today?”

After dinner, Mrs. Hanson cornered me as I was carrying my dish out to the kitchen. I tried to dance my way around her, but she was bound and determined to make me talk to her. I was fighting a losing battle.

“Taylor, what’s going on with you lately?” She asked, setting her washcloth down on the counter.

“Nothing,” I replied, quickly, rinsing off my plate and setting it in the dishwasher.

“Taylor, that’s not good enough,” she demanded, grabbing my arm before I could leave. I was getting really nervous now. “Why aren’t you talking to us anymore? Why aren’t you talking to me?” Oh man, she looked really hurt. “You can’t still be punishing your father and I because we put you in high school?”

I put my head down. “I don’t know. Am I being different? I don’t really know who I’m supposed to be anymore to tell you the truth.”

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong…”

I know she was only trying to be understanding but I wasn’t quite done with my little rant. “I’m sorry I haven’t who you want me to be lately but I’ve been going through stuff that you wouldn’t even understand!”

Tears were forming in her eyes as she looked helplessly at me. “You know you can talk to me about anything... You always have.”

Great, now I was making his kindhearted mother cry. This was the reason I conversed with parents as little as possible. I have a knack for saying the most hurtful things at the most inappropriate times.

“I’m sorry... Mom... I didn’t mean...” I began, awkwardly. I was so bad at handling situations like these. My own mother and I have kind of learned to stay out of each other’s business and it’s been a beneficial relationship for both parties. I just didn’t know what to do with Taylor’s mother. I wasn’t sure how to handle her exactly.

Mrs. Hanson didn’t really say anything else to me, her lowly disappointment of a son. She started rinsing off the little kids’ dishes and wiping down the counters without further acknowledging my presence.

I hated myself for being such a half-wit with her. I walked out of the kitchen feeling similar to a convict. I already had my hands full trying to erase Zac’s hatred for me, I didn’t need to have to win over the entire family. I was already up shit’s creek without a paddle. I only hoped that Taylor and I would turn back before I completely ruined his entire home-life.

I went into the boys’ room and took a look through their vast video and DVD collection on order to find that perfect bonding movie that Zac and I direly needed. I perused the collection carefully, letting out a happy giggle as I discovered the perfect movie.

***

My face scrunched up into a big ball of disgust as I shoved another greasy handful of potato chips into my mouth. With my head cocked to the side, I tried my hardest to keep an open mind. The display in front of me was not only making me wince in revulsion, but wince as I imagined the pain such an ordeal would entail.

“So, guys really get off on this stuff?” I asked, digging in my potato chip bag. I received no reply, causing me to look at Zac questioningly.

Zac, who was so enraptured in the glowing television box, had even stopped stuffing his face. He sat there, unblinking, with his half-eaten bag of Doritos resting on his lap.

I started snapping my fingers in his face, amused at his enthrallment. I, again, received no reply. Grinning, I leaned over and wiped the corner of his mouth with my thumb, causing him to jolt back in surprise.

“Wha... huh?” He asked, looking over at me.

I smiled innocently. “You were starting to drool.”

Zac reddened and looked down at his Doritos. As if they could help him.

My focus returned back to the screen. “Porn is really gross.”

Zac chuckled. “You are such a girl, Abby. I don’t know why you wanted to watch this anyway. I could have told you that “Cuddly Cooters” wouldn’t have been your favorite choice for movie night.”

I shrugged simply. “I don’t know. I thought that maybe since I was a guy I’d kind of enjoy something like this. HOLY HELL!!! Did you see where he put his... is that supposed to go there?”

Zac raised an eyebrow. “Abby, I don’t appreciate one of my favorite adult dramas being torn apart.”

I snorted. “Yeah, and I’m sure that that poor blonde doesn’t like having her asshole torn apart.” I reached across him and grabbed a handful of Doritos.

“That was crude.”

I flung a Dorito at his head. We sat in silence on the couch of their family room, watching intently as the husky Italian man ravaged the big-busted blonde beneath him. Feeling a bit bored, I started to munch on my potato chips again. I looked over once again and saw Zac staring at the television screen in wonder.

“So... does this movie have a plot?” I asked, striking up conversation once again. I could actually feel Zac glare at me. I looked at him and smiled innocently.

“The plot is that they have a lot of loud, raunchy sex,” Zac replied, concentrating on the film once more. “This is porn, remember? This is not A Beautiful Mind.” He reached for his Dr. Pepper and took a long drink. I took his utter agitation as a sign to bother him again.

“Have you ever stuck your thing up someone’s pooper?” I asked, sweetly.

Zac choked, causing his soda to spray all over the front of himself. He frantically grabbed the napkins on the coffee table and started wiping the carbonated beverage off of his khaki pants. He threw the wet napkins back on the table and glared at me in shock.

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that!” Zac exclaimed, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Why?” I asked, shrugging. “We’re hanging out. Watching porn and all that crap. Why wouldn’t you tell me? Besides, I am your brother after all!” I snickered at my own joke.

Zac continued to stare at me intensely. “You are NOT my brother!”

“So, you HAVE then…” I gathered, scratching my chin thoughtfully. “Was it awkward? I mean, did you have to buy her something really expensive to make her do it? Or was she one of those freaky girls who’d let you put it anywhere?”

“Abby, I’m going to pretend none of those words came out of your mouth,” Zac began, shaking his head. He relaxed a bit and engrossed himself in the drama enfolding on the screen.

“Okay then,” I replied, sipping my Dr. Pepper. “That man sure has a lot of chest hair, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“It’s kind of unnatural,” I continued, nudging him in the arm. Again, he chose not to reply. After watching the movie for a little while, I started to grow bored again. “You know, something like this would never happen.” He shot me a look of pure hatred. “What? It wouldn’t! Seriously, that blonde is cute and perky and has breasts the size of watermelons while this guy has a pot belly and a forest of chest hair and is balding!”

Zac sighed, closing his eyes. I could tell he was praying for patience. Well, patience or for the Lord to strike me dead on this couch. Definitely one or the other.

“But he’s got a huge cock. That’s all she wants,” he insisted, pointing at the TV. “Look at her, man, she’s screaming for him.”

“Yes, it is quite… massive... however, I would not want that sweaty, nasty, balding, sleazy, chunky, wheeze-bag of a geezer thrusting into me like some kind of bull in heat.”

Zac slowly set the bag of Doritos onto the table and turned to face me. With a tight smile, he searched within himself for the correct words. “Abby?”

“Yes, Zac?” I asked, turning to face him as well.

“This is why men don’t speak when they watch porn,” he explained, tensely. He patted me on the head like a child and returned his attention to the TV. Pouting from my unnecessary scolding, I sunk back into the couch. I silently grumbled to myself about the absolute needless admonishment I’d just received. What was that about, anyway? I mean, a girl asks a few simple questions and makes some astute comments in her attempt at making a casual conversation and suddenly it’s the end of the world. Why should Zac care if I interrupted the movie every now and then? It wasn’t even very good...

“Hey, guys, what are you…” Isaac trailed off, entering the family room. He peered at the screen for less than a second before he started grinning. “Ah, “Cuddly Cooters…” I haven’t seen that one in ages!”

It was Isaac. Isaac had just entered the room. Not only is Isaac in the room but now he’s also sitting down on the couch. Next to me. Isaac is sitting on the couch about an inch away from me. And now he’s looking at me. Oh my God, why is he looking at me? He’s so hot. Okay, I need to not think about the hot guy sitting achingly close to me. Does he have to sit that close? What if he WANTS to sit that close? Like, on purpose or something? Okay, think brotherly thoughts. Oh my God, he smells good.

“Hey, Ike,” Zac said, casually. “What are you doing home? Aren’t you supposed to be out doing college-y things? It seems as though you’re always home.”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Zac, it’s Wednesday night. I LIVE here. What do you want me to do?” He nudged my knee, sending shivers shooting through my body. “Tay, can you hand me that bag of Doritos?”

I numbly handed the beautiful boy his desired item. Isaac grunted his thanks and dug into the bag, stuffing an ungodly amount of crisped goodness into his mouth. I watched him, my eyes hanging on his luscious mouth, as he happily crunched on the chips.

Zac hit me hard, causing me to glare at him menacingly. He gave me a pathetic, grossed-out look, pleading with me to act normally. With a roll of my eyes, I grabbed another handful of chips, watched my porn, and behaved like a good girl.