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For as long as I can remember, the 'older folks' have been saying, "Isn't it a small world...", and that was before the Internet existed! Back then, my grandparents used this phrase at times when they, upon meeting someone from a far away place, discovered that they had mutual friends or relatives. Now, with a computer connection, the miles become irrelevant. Someone half a world away can be as close as your keyboard. Distance no longer deters communication.
Next, factor in relationships, family, friends, potential dates, and prospective mates. With family and already established friends, this method of communication is usually safe and comfortable... trustworthy. However, with brand new friends or people you meet online, how do you know what is real? Tone of voice is absent in e-mail, so you must watch carefully and ask for clarification when needed, all the while seeking God's discernment and wisdom over the communications shared. Keep in mind there are no guarantees. Maybe everything 'looks good on paper' or on the screen, in this case, but does the reality line up?
An online friend may seem very nice and you may enjoy communicating with them. Unfortunately, not everyone is forthright in honesty. Relationships which begin through Internet connections or e-mails and progress to phone calls and in-person meetings require just as much, if not more, scrutiny as traditional friendships do in the beginning. When you advance from e-mail to phoning and then on to meeting in person, be cognizant of whether those things you learned early on about this person are evident in real life situations. It is easy to embellish the story or minimize a problem when the communication is not in person. Be honest with yourself about what you see, hear, and sense. Remember, just because someone is listed on a Christian dating site does not mean they are living a Christian life. (Being in a garage does not make you a car, either!!)
Occasionally, input by a third party will reveal information withheld by the new online friend. For example, while being 'less-than-direct', a new contact implied that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. However, as we advanced and began talking of meeting in person, it became apparent that he had a relationship with another lady. He said it was platonic, but she insisted it was romantic. As I sought to understand what I was hearing, I learned that she baby-sits his children while he works the night shift. When he gets home, she is already in bed asleep. So he goes to bed...same bed. As I pressed for clarification, many things were brought to light. In summation, he is no longer a prospect and I'm not sure if he will remain a friend. The lady friend has a really big problem with him talking to other women and I have a really big problem with being lied to, especially in this regard. I don't want to be 'the other woman', whether he is married or merely in a romantic relationship with someone else. I want a relationship that will be pleasing to God.
Concerning caution: be cautious from the very beginning, not trading phone numbers or personal contact information right away and not pressing for physical closeness of any kind...nothing premature. Rather, pay attention to detail, assess the situation, take another step, then pay attention to new details and assess the situation some more. Avoid being caught up in relationships that move way too fast; learn to be at ease with going slow. To go slow is not the world's way of dating. My experience has been that, if the gal wants to take it slow, the guy takes off...looking for action, now. (I concede that not all guys are like this.) Take the time to build a solid foundation. Build a solid friendship and, if the Lord gives the green light to take it into a romantic relationship, you will have started out on the right foot. Your future together will be well worth this time investment.
Listen to the words of your new friend and hear with your spiritual heart. Be careful of reading in things that aren't there; only time and continued communication will reveal the truth of the future. Do not be shocked if God imposes a silence or separation between the two of you. He will test your dedication to Himself and your degree of commitment to the budding relationship. Trust Him and trust yourself. Be about His business, what He has called you to do, and He will supply your need and tend to the desires of your heart. His Word tells us that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. You can never go wrong focusing on God. Watch for confirmation that this is something that God has called you to. He is not offended that we want to 'be sure' it is Him.
I know it's lonely... I feel that day and night. Please don't let your loneliness deter you from anything God leads you to do. He will take care of you. That's why we must learn to let God fill the loneliness inside of us first and gain strength through and in Him. Pray for each other's strength. If it is a journey that you must face alone, do what you have to do. Do your best to finish the course and keep the faith. I know you can!! God will see you through.
Pray for your single Christian friends that they would not be led astray or deceived. Pray that the truth would be evident. Time will answer several of the things you may be concerned about. When you can talk and visit through e-mail, on the phone, or in person, convey to each other things that you are unsure of to this point.
As the Lord continues to guide me and grow me, I am blessed with the feeling that I have passed another test. (That is a good feeling!) In His wisdom and knowledge, He has brought me out of a rut that I was formerly unable to escape on my own. I am grateful for a God who cares so much for me and for those that I interact with.
The single life, moving into relationships, waiting on the Lord, etc., can present an opportunity for Christians to help others battle the enemy and stay strong and committed to God. Some fall away from the Lord when they experience things of this nature. I encourage you to stay strong in your commitment and trust God to bring about deliverance and provide answers.
I thank God for not giving up on me!! I pray to remain teachable all the days of my life.
email Lisa
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