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"Love the sinner, but hate the sin." We've all heard the phrase, but how do we make the distinction? How do we uphold the Biblical prohibition of homosexual activity without driving homosexuals away? Chad W. Thompson, in Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would, shows us how to love and minister to both homosexuals and those struggling to change their orientation. And he should know what he is talking about: he is a self-identified ex-gay evangelical. Thompson, who apparently was raised in the church, first acknowledged his homosexual attractions after a desperate inward struggle the night before his tenth birthday. Like most homosexuals, he feared the reaction of family and friends. Eventually, however, he found that change was possible through therapy and the grace of God.
Thompson, then, is uniquely qualified to speak to us on this issue. In his own life and through his interaction with the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered) community he has seen the failure of conservative evangelicalism to love and minister to homosexuals. This failure is due to several factors. Most evangelicals do not understand sexual development and the apparent causes of homosexuality. "Homosexual attractions are not genetic or chosen; rather, they are developed during childhood, usually in response to a lack of affirmation from and identification with one's own gender" (p. 52). Thompson doubts the existence of a "gay gene" that causes homosexuality. He devotes a chapter to the subject, which unfortunately lacks depth. But he makes up for this surface treatment by directing readers at the end of the book to resources for further study. He also shows that, while homosexual (and heterosexual) behavior is obviously chosen, homosexual orientation is not a conscious choice. Studies indicate there are several "causes" of homosexuality:
· Rejection by one's same-gender parents or peers, particularly during childhood
· Sexual molestation
· Temperament ("a child's natural inclination to be sensitive or artistic versus athletic or mechanical")
· An abnormally close relationship with one's opposite-sex parent
· Lack of identification with one's gender, no sense of "belonging"
· Genetics (boys born with feminine characteristics, girls born with masculine characteristics)
When we speak of homosexual orientation in terms of choice we fail to understand the causes of homosexuality and consequently fail to communicate. The problem is further exacerbated by the use of offensive language, such as "fag" or "sodomite." Being needlessly offensive is neither a sign of boldness nor love of truth.
But Thompson does not show us our failure, only. He sketches a bold, and probably controversial, plan to engage the LGBT community. We must love them in concrete ways, "whether or not they decide to change." This love must be unconditional and Thompson lists several ways in which churches and individuals can forge a relationship with homosexuals, none of which require any change on the homosexuals' part. Our job is to love and minister; it is the Spirit's work to being transformation. We must also acknowledge the struggles of the LGBT community. We must unhesitatingly condemn any violation of their civil rights. We must recognize that homophobia is a reality and seek to eliminate it where we can. Homosexuality will be discussed in public education whether we like it or not. Consequently, discussion of reparative therapy for those who desire it must be given equal time. When we fail to distinguish between political agendas, which in some ways ought to be opposed, and people, who ought to be loved and defended from injustice, we miss real opportunities.
Thompson and other ex-gays offer a message of hope and change for those who want it. His book works to remove the barriers that hinder that message from reaching struggling homosexuals. It challenged many of my assumptions and attitudes and it will challenge yours. If you want to better understand homosexuals in order to show Christ's love to them more effectively, you need to read this book.
email reviewer Jeremy Abel
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