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Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1Cor. 13:4-7 NKJ)
Ouch! I don't like what I see in me after looking in that mirror. But I'm not here to talk about me (whew). I'm here to talk about love.
Often, we see God as angry, just waiting on us to mess up so He can come down on us, a God with a scowl on His face, a demanding God who is hard to please. We see Him as one who, when we do mess up, is difficult to appease. But John says that "God is love". Applying what John says to the previous passage paints God in a very different light. Let's re-word it a little by putting God in the place of love. God suffers long and is kind...God is not provoked, God thinks no evil...God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Now, I know I left some things out but, for this article, I would like to concentrate on this.
Its very rare to find in today's society but I had a friend/mentor once that kind of epitomized the above (if you can kind of epitomize something). No matter what negative thing I said about anyone, he tended to "think no evil" of the person. Preferring, instead, to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Believing that, even if what I was saying were true, the person must have had a reason to do whatever I was critical of. In other words, no matter what I said, he continued to believe in the person. While that irritated me when I was on the criticizing end, I found great comfort in knowing that if anyone went to him with criticisms of me, he would give me the same courtesy. He would choose to believe in me. I found rest in that fact. I know of very few things that are as comforting as having someone believe in you, no matter what. I began to see God in him. Does God believe in me, no matter what, too? Does God choose to believe the best about me? Does He give me the benefit of the doubt?
One thing I do when I knock on doors or speak to anyone who is lost is try and let them know that I believe in them and that God believes in them. What a powerful impact that has on a life! No matter what they've done, they have tremendous potential in Christ. When people fall, I want to rush to them and keep believing in them. Sometimes, that is enough for the person to arise from the ashes of failure. I've seen it time and again. When others have given up you, just having someone come along and believe in you gives you hope and makes you feel like trying again. Unfortunately, what others think of you has a tremendous effect on you. Many tend to see themselves through other's eyes. Condemning looks or words cut deep and wound the heart. Justification of self or condemnation of self is almost always measured, at least somewhat, by the perceived acceptance of those around you. Rejection destroys! To be rejected by your peers is hard to recover from. It can cause you to reject yourself. It will lead to more and more failures until all is lost. One reason people become addicted to substances or destructive behaviors is because of self-rejection. We can do a lot to help them!
Now, I've heard it said that Christians are one of the few groups that shoot their wounded. I've certainly seen it. I've been shot a few times, myself. A failure in the church can lead to loss of friends. It can lead to sitting alone in a pew. It can lead to not being included in activities. It can even lead to attacks from the pulpit. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about a proud person who is unrepentant of their failure. There are times that we must take action because of sin in the body of Christ. (Even then, though, action must be motivated by love and forgiveness must be forthcoming upon repentance. (Read 1Cor. 5:1-5 and compare to 2Cor. 2:5-8.) I'm talking about the person who is ashamed of their failure and struggling to get back on their feet. Rejection doesn't even have to involve sin in one's life. Rejection by others can happen for very minor things like missing a church service or reacting negatively to getting hurt. Isn't it terrible when we reject someone because they reacted poorly when we hurt them? Hey, I have friends that this has happened to.
I have a friend who was deeply wounded by her church family's lack of compassion when she lost a family member. Not just a lack of compassion, but downright rudeness. Instead of comfort, she found indifference. Her friends had a "get over it already" attitude. This friend had a difficult time going back to worship with her "family". She loved the Lord with all her heart and was (and is) very passionate for Him. She just could not fathom a death in her family being met by such callousness. Now, because she reacted poorly to such treatment, she lost her position in the church. Her friends shunned her when she did go back. She was rejected by those whom she respected. They told her that she had to "prove herself" all over again. How deflating, indeed, how destructive that was. They expressed the fact that they had lost faith in her. No sin was ever involved. No matter. They no longer believed in her. It still makes me angry. (Sorry for not reacting appropriately.)
I'm glad that God believes in me. You know what? So is the world when they hear it. Many are under the impression that they have failed so badly that God will NEVER EVER use them again. We sometimes solidify that impression by our actions toward them. They feel like such failures. They seemed to be doing so well but fell into sin or were overcome by depression or were crippled by cutting words. All is lost. It took them years to prove that they were serious about serving God and to be accepted by their Christian peers. None of this counts. They must "prove themselves" all over again. Its just too much. They give up.
Imagine how they feel when I knock on their door as a representative of Almighty God? They look at me with heaviness as they hear me say that I go to such and such church. All the condemnation of the past is drudged up again. They start feeling the pain again. They've tried and failed. They are failures. God has given up on them. He is no longer willing to "bear" with them or "endure" them. He "thinks evil" of them and will no longer "suffer" them. He no longer believes in them.
Now, imagine their reaction when I point out that none of that is true. They have tremendous potential for Him and He knows it. He sent me there to tell them that, no matter how many people have given up on them, He hasn't. He wants to use them for His kingdom. He has a work for them to do. He believes the best about them. He gives them the benefit of the doubt. Not only does God see them this way, I see them this way, too. God accepts them and I accept them. God doesn't reject them. Their eyes begin to take on a new life. You can see that they are asking themselves, "Can it be?" Hope begins to rise. Dare they try again? Dare they believe in themselves again?
I've been there and I reacted very positively to my friend's/mentor's acceptance of me, warts and all. As I said, I began to see God in that. No matter how bad I was, my friend continued believing in me. It made me love him. The church can do a tremendous amount of good if they will heed the words of this article. Give people a lift instead of more rejection. Believe in people. Stop with all the judgment of "failures" and realize that we have all failed in our lives. Show a little pity. Show a little compassion. Show a little love. Reach out to fallen man and give them hope. Represent the God of the Bible, the God of love. It'll pay huge dividends. After all, you may someday be on the receiving end.
Not that I believe that!
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